Regret

I still feel the regret lingering in my chest
I should have gone
Why didn’t I go?
I remember the early morning contemplation.. to go or not to go?
It was dark
It was cold
I justified getting back under the covers, but I didn’t sleep
Shame
I should have gone
But then
As I write I realize
The decision was with unforeseen purpose
For without it
I wouldn’t have been put into this position
To learn to forgive myself

Forgiveness

In

Out

The feeling floods my chest
The inexplicable saturation tingles as it sets in
I breathe deeply through it
Savoring each moment

As it seems to slip from my grasp
I bring myself back
Back to the relieving reality

I am this moment
I am reveling in the beauty of my soul
The same beauty within each of us
I sigh in Love
We are all One

We are never alone
Just look within

I don’t want to see anyone
Because I don’t want to talk
I’ve told my story enough
To those who’ve come on my walk

Am I scared of the judgements
that will come with their stares?
Or am I just sick of talking?
My voice is starting to ware
Am I afraid to stand up for myself?
Maybe I don’t know how

But maybe it’s all an illusion
For all there is is now
So perhaps I will go in
Confident in my now
And they will have no choice
But to say, “oh wow!
She really must be happy
She really must be fine
But if I will say anything
She’s really got it goin’ on”

I am not a morning person
Not naturally at least
When one would try to wake me early
I’d be likened to a beast

Times have thus since changed
And I’ve been savoring the morning dew
Just get the ol’ gears turning  
That’s all you ought to do

One foot out of the covers
Followed by the other
Swiftly rise upon both
And like that you’re your own mother

It’s a triumph to be horizontal
Out of those sweet sheets
And unless you’re completely mental
Don’t look back or skip a beat

But do not fret I tell myself
There you will return
For a siesta or a slumber
It soon will be your turn

I see you in the moon, I see you in the stars
I see you in that room, and in all the passing cars
I feel you in the wind, I feel you in my heart
Although you are gone, we are never far apart

I slept half the day away
Woke up thinking
“What will they say?”
Whatever it is
It doesn’t matter
For whatever it is
It’s just chatter

While I wonder
I gently drift back
Into a deep sweet slumber
Into the land without lack