It's the first time I feel my heart is whole, unbroken and full

I am proud that I pushed myself for so long, and finally exceeded this glass ceiling that I unconsciously created.

I reached a place of self actualization

A place I thought was made up for traumatized people to aspire to.

I feel that for once my heart is actually mine.

That my heart is home

Home for me not the people that abandoned me.

What a feeling.

I learned my worth

And I feel free

*Thank you.

"If I told you I was fine, would you believe me?"
No, he said in a hushed voice I could barely take as a whisper.
He told me that everyday when he asks if I'm okay he is waiting for me to tell him I'm doing great, He said that he knows I'm not fine because of the way I say it, "the sadness in your voice is so painful to hear, it could make my ears bleed and my heart stop beating."

He looked at me with eyes full of hope, waiting for something. A word, a sentence, anything.
He watched the way my hands were shaking and I saw his happiness slowly fade away. He could see the fear in my eyes, watching the way my chest was rising and falling like the ocean waves. I let out a sigh and said no. I think I could hear the buildings drop inside is chest. The volcanoes erupting in his head. And the earth blown to a million pieces before his feet. I saw the life fade away from his face.

I went to the hospital to see him because they told the family that he would soon pass but he was holding on for something.
He was my moms father, my grandad.
All I saw was him lying there on the hospital bed basically dead. He was suffering so much to just be able to breathe.
I watched his chest beating but I knew the machines beside the bed were making him breathe.
I know he wanted to let go.
He couldn't speak, nor see.
I held his head in my hands and said goodbye and kissed his forehead.
We left the hospital.
The next morning we got a call saying he died in his sleep last night.
I couldn't even bring the tears to my eyes.
It was just shock.
I saw his only the night before, still alive but barely.
It's Wednesday morning and the funeral is at two.
I'm wearing this ugly black dress that's too long for my liking but we have to be appropriate because "that's what he would want"
He was a horrible man, he cut me and my family out of his life ten years ago, wanting nothing to do with us.
He wouldn't even recognize me now.
It was an open casket and he looked like a stuffed doll.
A wedding ring on his finger and a nice suit and tie around his body.
I was waiting for him to wake up, saying that he wasn't really dead, the suffering just magically stopped.
I rest my hand on his shoulder and his body was so cold I could feel the ice stretch through my arms making my body shiver.
They led us through a dark room and told us to take our seats.
The pastor only talked about God when my grandad wasn't even a Christian man.
Asking us to raise our hands if we had excepted Jesus Christ into our hearts and all these hands were raised in the air except mine.
I felt his eyes stare me down so I put my head down staring at the tile my black heels were standing on.
The floor was caving in and it was hard to breathe.
There was an American flag resting on his casket.
I realized that this funeral wasn't for the dead, it was for the people who were still alive.
It wasn't a celebration for the man laying in the casket.
It was a gathering for people to whisper and judge.

20 minutes before 8pm
walking in the dark path way of my home,
up ahead i saw the open sky,
without any alarm,
there appeared ahead of me
something so astonishing,
my eyes poped out.

I felt my mouth dropping to my feet,
it was a sight i have awaited for, for 2 years,
today the clouds decided to be fair
and clear up just a little bit.

And there i was standing in my black coat,
staring at the meteor-shower,
so fast in the blink of an eye.
Like fire works the sparks meltied away so fast
The sky left with its traces,
my excitement was untamed.

I just wish i was able to share this sight with you,
yet i felt your presence...
It would have been great to see you smile back at me...

carried out by the whistling
tune my whisteling tune which no
instrument can immitate
my whistling tune which plays
on the heavens above my whilstling
tune which is magnificent, innocent
and creative

i cherich my whistle tune it gives me
my own identity my own signature
my own creativity my whistling tune
is the best for i whistle evry rise of the burning star to the the rottating of the coin
my whistle tune goes like this

dun-dun-da-da-da-dan
do-do-do-do
dun-dun-da-da-da-dan
do-do-do-do
doo-doo-doo-doo-do-do
di-di-di-do
do-do-do-do-do

its touches my sences presess my
my hunger for success pushes me where
their is no limit for i love my whistle tune

Hushed voices
Silent cries
Soulless eyes
Hearts full of lies

gone u r
ur tender kindness is gone
ur love n care is gone
our future together is gone
started of as a great couple ended
up as just frndz
even though iv broken ur heart i alwys thnk
abt ur lovely whispering voice telling me
to aim for success and be the best surely it broke my heart to let u go but i know
that one day it will be fixed n back in good conditions but for now i give it to my Lord God
gone u r from my hands slipped ryt from my paulms
gone r the days of love
gone u r