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sometimes strength is not
how many weights you can lift at once
or the many burdens you can carry alone
not even how your heavy heart can still beat
sometimes, strength can simply be
waking, again and again,
facing the same agony each day
and yet still waking each morning
facing the sun and the rain
and being brave
 Nov 2015 Sadie
Denxai Mcmillon
separated and whethered by time.
two pieces of a whole.
making our ways ever closer to one another.
bound to collide once more
Bound to embrace each other till the end of time.
We are
*Pangea
 Oct 2015 Sadie
Caroline Lee
realism
 Oct 2015 Sadie
Caroline Lee
I'm filtering you through the crack of light that universally seeps through all hotel room doors at the tender hour of 3am.
That is to say,
this isn't a sonnet of love
Or an overly romanticized image of a 21st century youth,
This is realism
In that I am trying to process everything around me like it will disappear tomorrow
Sipping tepid cola watching the day fade through the trees
Losing track of time or when the hell I'm supposed to be anywhere
Because lately I've been going no where
Tracing my veins and driving in circles around your block
Trying to remind myself that though we live in an infinite universe,
And though we are all alone in our own skin
we're still connected through the cracks in the concrete and the curve of the earth.
And I think about all the river water I drank in trying to get to your shore
All the time I've waisted hanging just outside your door
And I know I tend to get stuck on the little things like the songs we sang or the arch of your foot
But I'm just trying to ******* process you so I don't have to spend one more night on my best friends couch staring at my skin wondering where all the time went,
Wondering if I had cleaned up a little better
then my mind wouldn't be so spent
So I'm staring into the light coming through the hotel door at 3am so I can filter you out of my chest and onto paper
So if I disappear tomorrow
I can know your memory for today.
Sometimes I get stuck on the little things
 Oct 2015 Sadie
sweet ridicule
...
 Oct 2015 Sadie
sweet ridicule
...
happy happy one more year
11:01 hello life
it seems sacrilegious to cry tonight
spinning is okay.
thank you for being you

--with titanium in your brain and blood
of your innocence on your hands
the ultimate sacrifice
I thank you for your intense genius

--with faithful diligence in your back
pocket and continuous
reassurance
I thank you for your patient impatience

--with peace under your tongue
and understanding in
your breath
I thank you for your acceptance

this is the love song
of yet another
bruising and healing year
 Oct 2015 Sadie
usagi
Untitled
 Oct 2015 Sadie
usagi
So much to say,
No way to say it.
 Oct 2015 Sadie
Caroline Lee
Lately I've been thinking about becoming bigger than my body
I've been processing you through **** demos on my phone
Through grey skies and empty bottles
Through blank stares and perpetuated silence
( I used to need a rhythm to write but the white noise in my head seems to work)
I've been turning corners and changing lanes
Doing the dishes and doing my time tangled in empty sheets
And it seems okay
As long as I'm not by myself for too long
Because if I let the white noise in I'll be swimming in black till the weekend
I'll numb myself in neon shades
White hot and weighty
Glimmering image of the silver screen dream
Spent shadowed twisting out into the intersection until I remember that you are not the same as you once were
And I am not the girl you needed
I'm just processing
And working on becoming bigger than my body
More than my bones more than my skin more than my gender more than a character in someone else's life
More than a thin wristed timid thing weighted down by years of neglect and indifference
More than a pair of wide dim eyes
More than myself.
I'm sorry I didn't call you back.
 Oct 2015 Sadie
Caroline Lee
Stars
 Oct 2015 Sadie
Caroline Lee
I think I've always known that you were headed for the stars.
I saw it in your eyes when you were young on the front porch playing your junior acoustic guitar
heard it in your voice when you made your mother laugh at the party
felt it in your arms in every hello and goodbye hug when you held me close just like I always wanted.
so yeah,
I've always known about you and the stars
and I think maybe, you saw the same in me
I don't know.
it was just in the way you always begged me to sing with you even though I was shy and your parents were drunkenly laughing downstairs
it was just the way you always asked endless questions about my year
and everything in the way you listened,
stupid smile on your face like you couldn't believe I was in your house
or that I was looking at you,
or maybe it was the way that you were always challenging or pushing me to live a little
and yeah it was the stuff of kids
but in my mind the lighter you forced into my hand meant so much more than just the snap of firecrackers in the dark
meant more than just the prospects of burned fingertips and ash
or the way you always managed to get me up into some tree or on some rickety old swing even though I was so afraid of heights
and you knew you were the only one who could do that,
just like you always have.
Because maybe you knew that to get where I was gonna go that I needed someone to remind me
that sometimes you have to go beyond what you think you are capable of and do the thing that frightens you
I always admired that in you
and that maybe you saw me too
so yeah
maybe you knew about me and the stars
just like I knew about you
and we've seen the world of our youth together
through dinosaur days and saturday morning cartoons
our mutual love of laughter connected us and grew like ivy between us covering the spaces we had left uncharted by the innocence of youth
you wanted to be a comedian and I did too
only if I could make you laugh like that night by the fire
we were young and skinny and wild and oblivious to the true nature of things
and it was small but it was good
so yeah
I mean I've always been in awe of you
and after all these years on your front porch we've come so far
your mom gave up smoking and your dad is cancer free
your brother got a girlfriend and you bought a car
so you can drive
and drive
and drive
and drive away
leave the small town you've hated ever since you started school
so you can drive to find your dreams and some girl to take your heart away
and after all is said and done
when you've broken the charts
gotten your name in lights
and seen the world with a thousand scars running deep just under the sleeve of your shirt
you'll find yourself hung in the stars
just like I always knew
so yeah
I mean I've always hoped that once you were there in the stars
you might look around and find me there too
and its a roundabout way of saying things
and it's different for me too
but
there was this band that we listened to that one summer in your kitchen while our parents were laughing about some video in the next room
and in about every single song that this band wrote
there was this one sentiment that was echoed,
and that has been echoed throughout the modern world countless times to the point of abstraction or sickening obsession
but
the way it sounded that day in the kitchen with seemed really really great
like we were the first to pioneer this brave new school of thought
and that the simple lyrics were insightful and new
though I know you probably don't have any memory of this
but
I think I needed to just let you know


that
I think I've always known
(that you were headed for the stars)
 Oct 2015 Sadie
niamh
Physics
 Oct 2015 Sadie
niamh
She was as light as a feather
Carried on the sweetest wind.
A tonne weight locked
Around my fiercely protective heart.
As sure as an apple falling from a tree,
She brought uncertainties in abundance.
Physics had no question
For the answer she gave.
 Oct 2015 Sadie
Joe Cole
This morning I wandered along the canal
The autumnal sunlight glinting on rippled water
More beautiful than any man cut diamonds
Autumn snow flakes filled the air
Flakes of red, gold, yellows and faded greens
Forming multi hued drifts around my feet
Overhead a skein of geese
Unerringly headed south
A picture forever imprinted on the mind
What a beautiful season is autumn
Colours bright, colours warm
But
All to soon she will leave
Her colours to fade and die
All to soon winters might will rule
And we must suffer winters bitter storms
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