I've never been attracted to girls, no, not me.
I've never wanted to kiss a girl --
The kiss on the cheek I gave my best friend in kindergarten doesn't count...

But I wanted to kiss you and that scared me.

We were just sitting with our friends at lunch when you sat next to me.

You said,
"Hi!"

I said,
"What's up?"

You just shrugged and pursed your lips,
"Nothing much."

My mind shut off for a minute.

I traced your lips with my eyes.
My God, you want to kiss her!
They looked soft, covered in pink lipstick.
You want to know what they feel like under yours!
They were perfect, really.
Where did THAT come from?!
At first, I thought I was simply noticing.
Far more than noticing, don't ya think?!

But then again, I don't notice everyone's lips...

My mind rebooted like a computer hard drive.

I lamely replied,
"Yeah, same here."

It was a forbidden love from long ago. Still whispering softly after years and years. It won't stop until it winds around again, dangerously entangling two lives separate. Her heart skips a beat, hasn't done this since years long gone past. What is this!?! She suddenly can't stop the fluttering, she smiles, remembering innocent tender embraces. His plump rosy childish lips. Hers. So similar they were bound by the laws of the universe to meet again, no amount of time or distance could keep them apart. Secret lovers, unbearably passionate that no one but they alone will ever understand. And she waits. Because she knows the power of this and the inevitable. She waits with a hidden smile of joy in her heart. Waiting for his words that will cover her body. They only need a quick glance, to know that yes! This does exist! A forbidden love that can only be allowed to entwine once in a pink full moon. To spare the heartbreak it would cost to others, and knowing that only this way would it ever feel like this any way, to meet more than once in a pink moon would destroy the pureness of this, thing. To remain hidden, known only to the two of them. But this passion makes them to better love the one who awaits at home. The rock at home that each needs to hang on to because to let their wild hearts go recklessly would break them forever. Break the rocks and these star-crossed lovers. Only once when a pink moon comes about, and the universe is forced to unite two hearts again in their strange entangled lives.

-      She was a dreamer who lived in
an insomniac world. Nothing came easy…
      every time she tried to begin,
she would stumble and fall, but that
    didn’t stop her. Although she thought
differently...her will could withstand anything
    thrown in her way, just another challenge fought.
The past haunted her days, shadowing almost
      every move…every single breath. Time
always promised to make things better,
      but she knew better than to find
truth in those words. Truth lay somewhere
    far from where she had ever let herself dream,
too heavy from all the weight she carried.
    There was only one time she let herself lean…
letting her weight get the best of her, thinking
      she could find a way to dream peacefully forever,
but even then she failed to succeed.
      She lost the ability to hold her world together.
   Indifferent to the world, numb to all
emotion, she lost hope in being set free.
   The darkness surrounding so great; faith too small.
So she poured her pent up pain,
     into artful master pieces.
She sketched abstract obscurities
     that depicted her darkest of secrets.
She painted intangible thoughts and
   feelings she longed to be fulfilled with through
majestic words that put anyone who dared
   to read, in the footsteps of her soul. Broken and blue
she crafted old warn memories into the
     picturesque landscapes of her wildest dreams. She
elegantly danced with the monsters under her bed and
     gracefully with the skeletons in her closet… breaking free.

Sometimes,
I wonder how anyone is going to
Be able to love me
When I don’t even love myself.
How can anyone look past my
Flaws when I cannot
And see the beauty behind it all?
Can someone stay even if
I am trying to keep them
Away?
Would they even want to?
Who would hold me,
Even when I am
Trying to
Break free from their grasp
And runaway?
Sometimes,
I wonder if anyone would be willing to
Break down my walls
And still
Love me anyway…

I am not my body

I am not the freckles scattered across my face like mismatched constellations
I am not the extra cupcakes that find their way to my thighs
I am not the shade of my eyes nor the hue of my skin
I am not the dark circles that come from lack of sleep
I am not the imperfections that appear on my forehead

I am my soul

I am a sad song on a lonely Saturday night
I am cute movies at midday and romantic comedies at midnight
I am the moon and the sun and the stars and the trees dancing in the wind
I am love and heartbreak, art and music
I am the clothes I wear and the people I associate with
I am the eye of a hurricane

My body is just a fragile house for the memories and dreams that live inside me.
And I refuse to be defined by that in which I reside.