How do I tell you I’m sorry
With a gesture, a look, a touch?
How is it I never realized
I hurt you so very much?
I do not ask forgiveness.
A comfort I’ll never deserve.
I merely want to let you know
But I cannot find the nerve
To finally confront you,
Face-to-face
To look you in the eye
To face your wrath, your apathy
Too terrified to try
You called me selfish
I turned away
I festered and I fled:
Cutting and wounding
Lashing out
Just to see if you bled
Betraying and deceiving you,
I surely had no right
To ****** away such a precious gem:
A dark thief in the night
3 months and forever passed
To bring us to this day
When I present these simple words
I never thought to say
The time has come
It’s long past due
To put aside my fear:
Would this confession torture you?
Or have you longed to hear?
To hear those forbidden words
To vanquish all the pain
To understand my dearest wish:
To know you once again
The months aged me remarkably
Though they have not made me wise:
I do know I erred
Irrevocably
For that I apologize

I fell in love with his mind
Even though it was not romantic
But rather raw and unforgiving
There was nothing sweet in his eyes
Or in the way he looked at me
They weren't filled with honey
But with something rather deep
That kind of resembled whiskey
I could never decide
If it was god on his lips
Or the devil in his smile
I just know I craved it
Unreservedly
His fingertips across my skin
His lips against my neck
And the heart shaped bruises
He left there
Were almost a toxic combination
Like raging fire
Only non consuming

But rather devouring

The aching behind my eyes.
Passing strangers
and their silent sighs.

I've lost my way
but pretend to know where I'm going.
And I like it this way.
The right path is not worth knowing

We all die eventually.
It's not that sad;
it's no tragedy.
And I don't expect you to care
or to even remember me.

And will I be remembered?
Probably not.
And if in fact you knew me,
you will say you just forgot.

Depression seeps into every
pore and into every aspect of life
Covering the soul with a dark
viscous veil of utter sorrow
and a vast indifference to living