A crumpled paper heart
beats in the corner of
her paper soul.

Loneliness
Is such a hard thing to carry

A backpack full of stones
That we add to
With each day that passes

How can such an empty feeling
Be so heavy?

Regret has me in a chokehold
Fear has me on a leash
Fill me up to block it out
And I'll be just fine

I need a reset button for my brain
Because all these emotions get crammed into the tiny space behind my eyes  
Crimson anger
Smoky grey sorrow
Shadowy fear
Rusty brown guilt  
Milky white joy

And they fold and twist and meld into each other
One ugly smear of color, like a bruise
Tingeing each thought that presses against it
With pain

I need a detox for my soul
Because these dark thoughts, dark words
Leave behind an sticky black residue
That dries and hardens over all the soft spots
Until there is nothing but a jagged piece of stone
Where the goodness used to be

I need a blanket for my heart
Because my body and mind
Have waged war against themselves

The smoke from the fires
Block out the sun  
Leaving me on this frozen, empty battlefield  
and
now
i
feel


nothing

When people say they want to **** themselves
It's not the self they want to ****
It's those parts of their being that are so parasitic and damaging
Yet so vitally connected
That the only hope
Is to destroy the entire entity

I'd like to think
That far away, in another time
Or space
Or dimension
There is another version of me
Living out the life
I threw away

I took a spaceship to the moon
With nothing but a blanket and a flashlight

Made myself a space in the deepest crater
With the blanket over my head like a child
Forgot batteries for the flashlight, though,
So I threw it out
Thinking it would be better to get used to the darkness
Right away

But the next night
You came outside on your back porch
Looked up at the sky
And said "I'm here for you."

And it made me so sad
Because I know there is nothing you can do  
That can touch me
Way up here
On this cold, grey, empty planet
That you can only see at night