I wish I could look at real life
The way I look at photographs.

This pain
Will not be ignored

I put it in an iron box
And buried it deep, deep
In the ground
And left it there
For years

But one day,
I went back out to that barren place
In the breathless cold
And dug it back up
With ****** fingernails

I reached inside
And lifted it out
Still raw and breathing
And I held it close
Like a newborn baby  

And in that pain,
I found my release

But the night
Ah, the night.

It softens me
Like an egg
In boiling water

Moths, searching for the sun,
Draw towards all light
Even if it is nothing
But a broken, flickering lightbulb

my thoughts
are like snow
falling
on an old roof

I can't seem

       to beat down these feelings

Into words.

There is so much inside me
Yet such a small door

Shoving and screaming to get out
They come in torrents of cracked words
Or not at all.