An unfamiliar face
An unidentified stranger
She laughs
Along with her friends

He smiles kindly
With greasy hair
We giggle
Behind his multicolored back

Within two years
A love affair
Two strangers
Now becoming alike one

She expects too much
He really does try
But irritation
Burns her core

He is only himself
She understands he is
But really
Change is okay

Why not new hair?
Or a lovely dance?
It’s only
For one night

But thinking it over
She knows it’s him
Not a
Perfectly constructed gentleman

He has his quirks
And she fell hard
In love
With all of whom he is

Sometimes she needs more
A differently made man
One who
Can express each emotion he feels

He has trouble talking
He keeps it inside
He doesn't,
He won’t freely let her in

And when he does
She eats it up
Then BOOM!
He hides within his shell again

I ride upon our coaster
In loops and falling hills
But all in all
Despite my fears and woes
I know we won’t derail.

A cut on a lonely day
a cut to feel okay..

A cut to not feel sad,
a cut to not forget..

A cut to not break down,
a cut to let it out..

A cut to feel strong,
a cut and I'm almost gone...

read from bottom to top*


down
   us
     bring
            to
               try
           they
when
        smoke
   like
     rise
We'll

I wonder if you’d want to know
I named all of my demons after you and
they haunt me in my sleep

when I was 14 I fell asleep in April and dreamed of bones and
I’m not sure I’ve really ever woken up since

when I lost 5 pounds I never saw a difference

when I lost 10 my mother said I was looking good

when I lost 20 she told me to stop and handed me food
and I became anemic

when I lost 25 I stopped drinking anything because
I felt water had calories

when I lost 30 my mother held me on her lap
and held my bones together for me

when I lost 35 I started fainting every morning and
the doctors could no longer easily find my blood pressure

when I lost 40 people started to stare and food made me cry

when I lost 45 it hurt to walk and to lay down
it hurt to eat
it hurt to breathe and
I started throwing up my empty stomach

the mind plays tricks on those that decide
nourishment is not needed

Eat.

I am not writing this
to get attention
or pity
or so people will tell me
I'm beautiful the way I am.

I am writing this
because when I post a poem about
being terrified to look at myself
because I hate what I see,
it should not be added to a collection titled
Humorous.

I am writing this
because when I sit at a lunch table
without a brown paper sack,
boys should not laugh when they ask
what, are you anorexic?

I am writing this
because when I watch Disney Channel
with my eight-year-old cousin,
I should not hear jokes
about skipping meals.

I am writing this
because when you google
anorexia is,
the first suggestion should not be
anorexia is good.

I am writing this
because our society should not
expect people to be paper thin
but judge them
for trying to get there.

I am writing this
because insecurities
are not a joke,
*no one
should be laughing.

We are the girls who walk around with little bird bones,
rib cages ready to snap when we spread our wings and
fly away

and for my next act,
I shall disappear little by little until I am ash.

I’m not eating for four days or until
I can feel the ***** that is my stomach start to shrink

I used to refuse food for weeks
it amazes me how self-indulgent I have become

I am ready to eat spoonfuls of air
spin my hair into a models top knot and
know that water is a privilege not a right

a million screaming girls saying
“but im not hungry”
while a tiger flays their insides open at night

Kate Moss said "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels"
and I suppose she is correct
What happens when you learn the tongue is a muscle not to be used

What happens when sustenance is no longer needed
When the mind decides
the very thing that keeps the body alive is a punishment

What happens when you refuse a necessity of being human