hurt me a little more
if it makes you happy.

rushing and flowing
ah, but when you enter
nothing but excitement.

I know you never wanted me.
I’m the mistake you couldn’t buy your way out of.
you played the victim for my existence.
you brought me into this broken world.
you could’ve stopped.
countless days at the bar
leaving me home alone.
watching as a new woman
made her way to your bed sheets
time and time again.
hearing the impure things
from a bunk bed in a dark room.
crying and begging to leave.
the only person i trusted was nowhere
mom? mom? where are you?
as my bed turned into the couch
i spent my days watching hours of the news.
i didn’t understand much at 4 years old.
inviting your friends over for drinks
seemed innocent at first, right?
until you left me alone with one of them.
you let him do this.
you left me alone.
i was just a child.
you knew better.
but you simply didn’t care.
you were never the victim.
how’s it feel, dad?

The first time I felt like
the center of attention
Was my own wedding
I have lived ages wondering
If truly something was wrong.
If it was my appearance,
The manner in which i speak,
The language that i use,
Or perhaps I was too shy.
I have never had so many
People eager to speak to me
Pulling me aside
Trying to grab my attention.
But as soon as I turn my head
They rush to greet her
They thank her for her time
They can’t let her get back to it
I had never felt so seen
Or loved on my wedding day
But that only reminded me
That I am the shadow
Behind the woman who birthed me.

i fall hard and i fall fast
though i find it hard to admit
i’ve loved over a hundred times
and each time i only love more
maybe the depth only comes with age
i’ve given love to those who deserve it least
a ****** high school boyfriend
family members who never make an effort
somehow i not only keep loving
my love only gets stronger
sometimes it is far from reciprocated
i only hurt myself more by loving harder
i don’t see it ever changing
will the hurting come to an end
if i try to love even more than the last time?

aren’t we all a work in progress?
living is working,
and it doesn’t stop,
until we do.

improving a skill,
losing a habit,
and improving yourself,
are all ways we keep functioning.

however,
we can also
gain weight
sleep too much
pick up vices,
but that doesn’t mean
we’re not working.

we’re all incompleted
until we no longer exist,
on this earth.
i’ll forever be
a work in progress,
until progress
has terminated.
as will you.

You promised you wouldn’t hurt me like this
You promised you would look out for me
You promised I wasn’t just a body
You promised you wouldn’t use me
You promised you’d stay
You promised you would try

You broke your promise.

I've known you for 175 days now
and each day I get closer to telling you "I love you".
I've rushed nearly every relationship until now.
Every time you say something witty or sweet,
I hold myself back from saying it too soon.
You're charming, but I'm staying strong.
I know life is short but I have a good feeling
that this is going to last even longer.
You make me a better person each time I see you.
I go out of my way to do anything I can for you.
Although neither one of us has said it to the other,
I know you love me too.

a shot of *****
home alone
cries at night
when you’re alone
stealing cigarettes
and burnt up matches
slim smiles
tired laughs
burning daydreams
mind of fire
long days
late hours
missing love
wanting more
maintaining youth
with society’s
corruption
sad ideas
and no love
not a call
from heaven
above
fearing nothing
scared of
everything
acting tough
needing love

it’s hard being a kid
when society pushes
you to grow up.