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i fear the death of a loved one more than my own death

i can remember the small moments before hearing of someone's death

i can remember every millisecond

silence
numbness
disbelief

they're saying she killed herself
they're saying she killed herself
they're saying she killed herself

time stops in death

frozen
and
embedded
into my mind
into my life

the mental scars
i carry
a wound that never heals
I thought I was over you,
Then I looked into your eyes,
And wasn't so sure anymore.
What if I told you I really loved you
Someplace away from the depths of my poetry
Somewhere away from the corners of my chaotic mind
Sometime away from the words I weave
When I'm lost in the thoughts of you

Yet
I couldn't give you that power
To take every broken shard left of me
And walk away
Just to leave me with nothing more
But more pain and regret

So my pencil keeps scribbling
The mess I feel for you
At least until my hand goes as numb
As my heart

Forever doomed to live with these chained desires
Forever doomed to silence my own pain
 Forever doomed to wear these imperfect masks
     And forever
             doomed
                     to never
                              love
...

Never again.
Love that cannot be voiced is the most tragic kind, don't you agree? Two tormented lovers hiding their feelings from each other both too scared to admit what they feel. To all doomed loves, its better to live with rejection rather than regret and with that I wish you all a wonderful day ~BM
 Aug 2017 Marie James Alexander
D
still even now I'm left to wonder
because you keep making yourself seen
when all I've been trying to do
is forget you existed
you're so naively persistent
having no clue what I am to you
yet still trying to clean up the mess I made
well there's a reason I made those mistakes
it's because running away
is easier than facing what I don't know
and never want to explore
****
The irrevocable emotion
I have about you has got this ocean
swaying back and forth on a motion
that can only be swayed by you.
The soft sound of your soothing voice
has got my head spinning
and other grinning
because it can only be saved by you.
But it scares me
how the words and phrases
that come out of your mouth
seem so flawless
like you always know what you’re talking about.
And it simply amazes me
that everything you do fazes me
and the days with you
always gazes me
into what I want our future to be.
Remembering the way you hold me
and the way the cold breeze
doesn’t seem cold when I’m with you.
The way you talk to me,
like I’m wearing your ring,
saying “baby I love you”.
But I’m always taken back
like I‘m suddenly off track
because those three simple words
carry so much meaning on their back.
And I don’t want to be one of those people
that say it without its meaning
because meaning it
means more than feinding it,
if you know what I mean.
I believe in love and romance,
not cheap titillation from cold hands.
I believe in flowers and cute notes,
not always coming over to rock the boat.
Sing to me,
play me a lullaby,
call me randomly
or just graze into my eyes.
I want you to look at me
and see who I am,
cuz baby I’m not perfect
but I’ll do the best I can.
just a tad befused conwildered

stupified
I obfuscate well
I'm perfect, I know
every **** says so
In the moon light
In a goon fight
My perfection is there
from my smooth, tawny underside
that's below my blonde *******
I am perfect
Teh End
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