You're mad because I told your husband the truth.
You cheated on him and I showed him the proof.
Instead of being angry, you should be ashamed.
You cheated and you only have yourself to blame.

You tried to convince your hubby that my proof was misleading.
But he could see the truth and he started divorce proceedings.
Because you were unfaithful, the judge didn't give you squat.
The clothes on your back were the only things that you got.

Your good life is gone and that's something you regret.
You once drove a Porsche but now you drive a Chevette.
Because of your infidelity, you were tossed out into the street.
If you ever find another rich man, you'd better not cheat.

I inserted a suppository right after I had been using super glue.
My hand is stuck in my **** and I don't know what I'm going to do.
When I went to the hospital, the doctors and nurses laughed.
They were in hysterics from laughter and they called me daft.
When they laughed, it offended me so I kicked the doctors below the belt.
They kicked me out and blacklisted me because they didn't like how it felt.
Because of my problem, I can't drive a car or ride my bike.
I can't afford a taxi so to get to places, I have to hitchhike.
The drivers also laugh and I have to slap them to make them keep their mouths shut.
It's been three years and I don't think I'll ever be able to get my hand out of my ****.

You starred in Worzel Gummidge with Jon Pertwee.
Sadly, you died in 2001 at the age of thirty-three.
You starred in Four Weddings and a Funeral and sadly, you had a funeral of your own.
You were one of the greatest actresses that Great Britain has ever known.

You also starred in Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit.
People loved you because you were sweet and cute.
You died over a decade ago of an acute asthma attack.
Sadly, you passed away and you won't be coming back.

One terrible night you decided to drink and drive.
You hit my sister head on and she didn't survive.
That liberal judge only gave you a slap on the wrist.
But now I'm going to **** you because I'm ******.
You are a monster, you didn't feel any remorse at all.
I just fired my shotgun and your brains are on the wall.
Now it's my turn not to be remorseful, in fact I feel pretty good.
I would gladly **** you again if I could.
Because of people like you, hundreds of thousands of people are dead.
And because of people like you, many more won't have a future ahead.

During your life, you had three wives and three children.
It's sad because your family is feeling so much pain within.
A long time ago you served in the United States Army Airforces.
It's also sad because a couple of your marriages ended in divorces.
Besides being an actor, you were also an acting coach, College Professor, a musician and an artist.
You guest-starred nearly three hundred times in numerous Television shows and you will be missed.

Your last name said it all, you were the best.
Because of you, the entire world was blessed.
You have left this world at the age of eighty-eight.
Your life is something that we should all celebrate.

For six years you dazzled us as Rosco P. Coltrane.
You died but your reruns will continue to entertain.
You starred in a few episodes of Bonanza and twice on the Andy Griffith Show.
You entertained us for several decades and all of your fans hated to see you go.

Talent should've been your middle name.
It's not surprising that you found fame.
You starred in a Twilight Zone episode and in Firecreek.
You will never be forgotten because you were unique.

I bought a dog last September and I've loved him ever since.
He is a Great Dane and his name is Prince.
When I bought him, he was only six weeks old.
He's a sweet dog who is also sassy and bold.

He cost 400 bucks but to me he's worth 400 Grand.
When I pet my big baby, I know that I'm a lucky man.
Every time I see his fawn coat, it makes me feel glad.
He's a beautiful animal and the best dog I've ever had.