"Court, you can't die with him. You have to let go."

But what if I need to?
I can't go to that coffee shop without losing my ability to breathe, as if I was hanging next to you.
I can't  listen to "Chasing Cars" with thinking about lying next to you and forgetting the world and myself.
I see your cousin at school and I see so much of you in him.
I can't go to the movies without wishing our fingers were intertwined.
I see flowers on the side of the road and all I can remember is your parents in all black kneeling at an alter in prayer.
Snow globes, hot chocolate, super hero movies and all the things that reflect us pull me through our timeline and remind me that I can't bear to look at rocks without seeing your name in that stone.
I can't drink coffee without tasting your vanilla kisses.
I can't look at ropes or strings or laces or ribbons without seeing your body hanging from your ceiling.
You used to leave me with smiles and stupid jokes but on October 13th, all you left me with was our history. And now its slowly carving my name into a rock and that's all I've ever known about letting go.

my mind is constantly going
going and going and going
worried about the day head
and still trapped in yesterday
i'm always dreaming about the future
but hardly do I sleep
even though i walk this earth in a visibly awoken state
subconsciously unknowingly
my sanity is weak
trust a higher power is what they say
but even that we cannot see or touch
who's to say god is real anyway?

walk with me

let me show what it is i speak
because to explain in spoken word is something not of my expertise
so i will paint you a picture in poetry
place yourself in cloth sneakers
standing in the middle of the rain
arms open wide head tilted back
and when the lightening strikes
you'll feel a wave of pain
you see the storm will let up, and you'll see a slight break in the clouds
but you'll never fully see the sun
that's what my life is like now

and in all this going and going and going
i must rest my weary head
while nightmares make the best of bad weather
planting the damnest of seed as slight as a feather

fear
worry
fright
anger
sadness
happiness
delight
sickne­ss
wellness
day
night
grief
loathing
pity
spite
jealousy
hatefuln­ess
weakness
fight
acceptance
willingness
wrong
right

if there's anything you haven't felt
at some moment you will feel
for the mind is a tricky being that may fascinate you into your very own doom
because in your waking life
you won't know what is and isn't real

walk with me

i think about life
i think about death
i think about time i've wasted
i think about time i have left
i think about my future
i think about my past
i think about my happiness
i think how long it may last
i think about god
i think about faith
i think about my love
i think how long will he stay
i think about who i am
i think of who i am to be
i think of my imprisonment
i think of being free
i think of my thoughts
i think of my fears
i think of leaving this place
i think as if i'm still here

who's to say i've succumb to my mind
i am well aware that what i search for
may be something i'll never find

peace

does it truly exist?
or is it a place in our imagination?
a place of harmonic endeavors
a place where our souls may finally
seek self proclamation
a place we may finally rest our hearts
in full adoration and acclamation

what's that you say?
peace?

walk with me