I see you in the Fall
The red leaves whipping in the wind like your hair flowing behind you.
The chaotic movement connect to something
strong
sturdy
safe.
I see you in the fall.
The wind screaming in my ear
like you when the schizophrenia kicked in
terrifying
but beautiful
in a broken sort of way.
I see you in the fall.
Like the flowers that bend towards the slightest glimmer of sunlight
just as you would hold onto any ray of hope that came your way
like it was the last time you'd see it
I see you in the fall
as the trees show their branches
it leaves falling like your hair did
Beautiful
despite it's baldness
I saw you in the fall.
But now it's winter and like the leaves on the trees
You are gone.

I've been wrapped up in your arms
too long I fear
I'm starting to feel a little light headed
your lips will be my downfall
but I've already fallen so hard
trying to catch my breath
in your gaze
I'm afraid you'll let me crash
from this high
I'll bite my tongue against these unbashful words
until the time is right to set them free

Stop
stop
stop
stop
the blasted noise is killing my head
pounding
pounding
pounding
pounding
why won't it stop
no matter where I turn
I can't breath
in
out
inhale
exhale
choke
no don't choke
keep going
keep breathing
just a little longer
hold tight
oh so tightly
onto your sanity
don't pull the trigger
on no please don't pull the trigger
you'll regret that bullet
that finally made it all
stop
stop
stop
stop

I gave into my demons last night
oh darling I'm sorry I did
I slit my wrists and signed my name in blood
their contract of semi-consciousness
she kissed my lips that angel of death
and I cried your name with my last free breath
and with a chuckle they hurled me into oblivion
for who is to love a creature such as I
now that they've ****** my soul dry
I'm hollowed and hungry for solace
shall I sink my teeth into your flesh
for a last taste of sweet blissful innocence

My demons are tearing me apart
and I'm fumbling in the dark
I lost my light back when I forgot who I was
dropping words like bread crumbs
to lead me home to a place
where my soul lies dormant
waiting to wake up
my flesh burns with it's absence
and the presence of a rotten heart within my chest
screaming obscenities into my head
this anger boils my blood
and heats my skin
if you were to touch me I'd burn you
with sin

Oh you silly fool,
thinking that love could save you from despair,
from darkness.
You see I am the one that controls you,
You silly fool,
Thinking you could escape me,
my emotions bind you,
my power will rule you,
There is no way out,
For I am *eternal

Hey girl
      *I caught you staring in the mirror again

       The same look of dissatisfaction painted clearly on your face
You look at your stomach and touch your waist
            Turn and look at your back with the same expression
       There may be wear and tear here and there, especially on your spirit, but that's not where you stare
          If you did you might see the most beautiful sight ever beheld by those big brown eyes
   
       See,
    A lot of men would see your thighs and to no surprise, try to get inside
      But I see your mind and what lies behind the obvious
           A question mark most would leave off the end of their sentence
            I could never forget it.
   I see the rocky road you've walked every time that we talk
        The gravel was never gentle on your soul
      But you continued until you came upon a house built from pain
  decided to stay and thought you'd be okay
      It slowly became a home where you grew into the furniture
    Your veins interlaced with fabric and every fabrication only wove you deeper
          And soon the drugs came to take you away only to fade and leave you to a fate stuck between these walls of abuse
     
                    I refuse
To let you go back
And even if you hate me now, I hope one day you'll understand and love me for that
                   See, I see a lot of things because I look past the mirror you fixate on
                    I've never had to see you as just a reflection
           But rather as perfection, because with every wrong direction you took to get to me it made the time we have together that much more meaningful
           And though your spirit may be bruised and tired, it refuses to give up,
It's gorgeous.
         


        
You've never had to see me as a reflection either. Every time you look at me, I'm anew. I'm not what's in a dusty mirror, and I'm not what's in a fading photograph. I'm a steady flame in your heart, and the most beautifully flawed smile I've ever seen. I could never thank you for all those small things you do without noticing. Nothing I write could touch upon the tip of the gratitude I hold in my heart for you. So I guess to come as close as I can in three simple words,

**I love you.