When it comes, you hear
You hear
une , deux , trois , quatre
and think of the stars, the bits floating above me because they have no home
because we are all thunder
and stardust.

It's a dark morning
Today
I can smell the ozone
It's a dark
Morning
Today
I can smell the pavement, the pure city
inside me, as if
As if I can be cotton
But it's a dark morning
and I should have been asleep
and I'll remember those storms til the day I die
til
the dark I die
I'll remember
that
dead morning
that dark mourning
like the pouring rain
dark morning.

when did this get so complicated?
When i was a kid, I could walk outside
and I could comment on how beautiful the stars were
and no would hurt me for it
because all I am is stardust
all I am is stardust
aligned to make me me
and no one will take me seriously
because all i am
is a lonely poet
made of stardust and dreams that I wake up
longing for
because the girl in my dream needed me
in the autumn
because stardust has broken
and now I can't see any light.

I have always been a morning person
With the way the sun peeked over storage units
and abandoned cars
"Hello!" It says
"I am here! Do not fear the dark!"
So we make our coffee and the artists think
Certain things
We build words and universes within ourselves
And we never get to a book in time to write it down
To scrawl down the formula
For what might have been
morning always reminds me
Of lazy cats stretching in the sun
And watching the dew solidify
On the grass
Outside the window.

A thousand tumbles takes a bottle in the sea-
a thousand dashes and whirls and swoops.
A million grains of sand takes that bottle in the sea,
to break apart, to come to me
in fragments like a snowflake fractal.
How many mermaid miles till she hands that glass to me?
For I've taken out my very-ness, for you.
- And my crossness.
My judgement and wrath.
I've taken out slight hot breathe
               (for you to melt the ice on your whiskers.)
I've taken out my toes when they are reaching for yours in the cavernous blanket world  through the forest of our lazy limbs.
I've taken out my righteousness
and my second guessing.
I've taken out for you (a surprise, I was going to surprise you!)
all the times you were going to be wrong to me-
          and to wrong me...
taken them out to sea, you see?
In that bottle, pretty bottle. Broken now like too many vows.
I've taken out my knowing best and finding better.
I've taken out the half moon of your thumbnail as well
...I will miss that in my night sky-
(perhaps I'll keep that after all.)
I'll take out the complacency of holding your hand getting out of a chair.
and the mindless strokes
as you explain
my commonplace crazy
to
simpler minds-
I'll take out the very-ness of me, and the we-ness of us.
and fill a bottle with a the brine of a thousand tears from hundred slights not slighted quite yet.
I fill the bottle and gift the sea
with the softness of you and the brashness of me.
A thousand turnabouts it takes to reach you on the beach,
a sea glass diamond ring, engage me you engaging man-
and the tides tickles my feet in anticipation, marry me. marry me.
just a sea glass promise
for a mermaid bride
waiting for the sailor man to sing her sweetly with salt on his lips
Just a sea glass lullaby from the man who loves me so.
Marry me, marry me
And we drink sparkling water from a sea glass flute
and we drink all the us and we drink all the we
for sea glass could never hold a second in,
sea glass is far too vain not to shine in the sun fanning
your invite out in a spectrum of color that
a small child's hand creates when he holds it up to the rays.
Spills out all of my intentions
Spoiled child, loved child,
Spills out all of my intentions carelessly on the sandy floor for the tides to swallow whole.
My sea glass prism chucked unceremoniously back to sea
and me the mermaid bride left at her own alter...
But a seashell to your ear and her my wailing sorrow calls,
'marry me, sailor. marry me.'


sahn 8/5/14

If I mattered
If my body wasn't going to rot
And turn to dust
Then maybe
Maybe I could believe
Maybe I could hope
But I am attached
To my body
for it is what make me who I am
And I don't want to lose myself.

Give me a reason
to stay here
as if I could be persuaded
I want you to want this, you hear?
I want to hear you scream and cry my name, in utter agony,
because you simply cannot live without my hand to bite down upon
in times of strife.