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s Dec 2014
I'm fine.
I'm not dead.
I'm not really sad.
I really can function.
I get A's.
I love my family.
I can sleep sometimes.
I can still laugh at funny things.
I still smile at flowers and rivers.
I like dancing.
I can hold a conversation.
I don't lie..much.
I only lie if I don't want to hurt you.
I say "I" too much..sorry.
I am eating.
I'm okay.
Don't worry.
To: mom and dad
s Dec 2014
I remember things that most people don't.
I remember small flowers that I love.
I remember what songs I listen to with certain people.
I remember playing hide and seek with my cousins in a field.
I remember a compliment from a six year old.
I also remember turning down food over and over and over.
I remember stretching again and again.
I remember getting smaller and smaller.
I remember the night my dad told me that I was going to eat protein powder or two pieces of butter toast and I almost started
crying.
I remember my sister asking me if I starved myself and I said no.
I remember my music getting sadder
I remember closing off.
I remember trying to please people.
That's all I live for anymore..
I live for other people.
This poem is for me.
s Dec 2014
People ask me when I grew up
I don't really know.
My brother said its when my sister left for college.
My sister says its when high school got really hard.
My mom said its when I set my priorities straight.
I don't know.
I don't think I have grown up yet, I think I just got quiet. I stopped talking. I just stopped kinda everything.
I stopped watching movies with my dad.
I stopped singing in the car with people.
I stopped telling people how I felt.
I started hiding.
I started writing poetry.
I started faking smiles.
I don't think I've grown up yet..
I just started stopping.
s Dec 2014
Maybe nothing will ever work out.
Maybe you will end up being rich.
Maybe you will have 8 kids.
Maybe you will be the president.
Maybe you will grow a garden.
Maybe you will fall in love..
You will never find out if you end it.
Please keep going.
I need to convince myself to keep going too. We can make it.
Its really our decision.
s Dec 2014
No matter what you do it will never be enough.
No matter how much the alcoholic drinks or how much the workahlolic works or how much the anorexic starves or the bulimic purges or the athlete runs..
It will never
                 never
           never
     never
be enough to escape your mind.
s Dec 2014
I'm just tired.
Tired of wanting things
Tired of crying
Tired of thinking
Tired of pretending.
I'm just tired and I need a break
I just can't seem to find anything that's a break for me.
Its hard.
I'm getting done..
I need some sleep
But I can't.
s Dec 2014
I'm creaking.
My knees are creaking from being worn too soon.
My mind is creaking from all the thoughts getting worn down and they don't make sense anymore.
Like the gate to an old farm with the metal worn, and the hinges tight.
My life is creaking with the old.
My life needs some oil..
I need something new.
Everything is creaking.
I don't like the sound.
I need to figure out how to make it stop.
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