I feel so broken and I don’t understand why.
It’s not like we had anything,
but now that you’re gone,
I just…
It’s not even like you’re really gone.
I still have ways to contact you
that are left untried.
I just thought that…
No, I didn’t think.
I’m still not thinking.
I don’t know what to do.
Should I let it go?
Should I cut my losses,
take a clean break and run?
Should I reach out to you?
Should I hope that you
still want to talk to me?
Is it better for me to wonder
what could have happened
if I’d tried?
Or is it better for me to risk
knowing for sure that you
don’t want me?
I don’t know what to do.
All I wanted was you.
I just liked to talk to you.
I liked to hear you laugh.
I liked your jokes,
and the way you could
cheer me up no matter what.
I liked how you were always
so caring and supportive.
I liked how you seemed confident,
but were actually sensitive inside.
I liked you.
Not because of your looks.
Not because of your age.
Not because of your gender.
None of that mattered.
It still doesn’t.
I liked you for you,
because you brought out
the best side of me.
And I liked who I was when I was with you.
Now that you’re gone,
I don’t know who I am without you,
I don’t know what to do,
I don’t know what I’m feeling,
I don’t know what I did.
All I do know
is that I want you back.
Please.

I miss you.
Again.
I miss how you used to send me
those stupid gifs,
to distract me
from life.

I want you.
Again.
I want you back by my side
talking, laughing,
making me feel
whole at last.

I need you.
Again.
I need you, but this time
you’re not here,
and it hurts more
than ever before.

I miss you.
Again.
I miss you every morning,
and every night;
at every silence,
I break apart.

Again.

Hey guys,
I think this is more of a notice than a poem,
But I got let out of the hospital last night after three hours of being on a respiratory machine because I was seriously struggling to breathe without any aid.
All this because I had a severe throat infection that spreaded into my chest and effected my lungs.
All thus just to tell you guys that this could either cause one of two different things.
I could either:
A) be soon taken back into intensive care where the WiFi is horrendous and not be able to make it back on here for the next...while (I don't for sure how long it's going to take for recovery, to be perfectly honest x)

OR

B) I'm going to recover enough to stay at home with several antibiotics to keep the pain bearable and have a nebulizer by my side 24/7 whilst still having a good WiFi signal so I can keep in touch with you guys.

I'm really hoping that optionB will be the one that takes shape because you guys are part of my internet famalam and not being able to hear your lovely work day-to-day will tear me apart the most **

Have a blessed Sunday everyone, love you lots **

Love doesn't mean anything anymore.
Love is a word that pre-pubescent adolescents
throw away on their very first kiss.
They take a crush, and they call it love, and no one
reprimands them or scolds them because no one
can see that there is any difference any more between
love and the half-hearted pretence at love -
the newfound infatuation with the very idea of
being enraptured by the very first person seeming
worthy enough to be enraptured by.

And hate. Hate means nothing either.
Hate is the feeling little children scream at their parents
when they couldn't wear a leotard to school in December.
Hate is when people take a notion,
a preconception, a misconception of what an
emotion should feel like and they take the worst
feeling they are feeling and they label it hate
and they proclaim hate on their 'haters' and
they forget that they are 'haters' themselves when
they laugh at the real hate they dole people out on dinner plates.

Jealousy? Jealousy has been eclipsed.
Jealousy has been eclipsed by the lack-lustre attempt
at jealousy that ten-year old girls have for their friends.
Jealousy now is what people feel when they
realise that they don't have enough money, or fame,
or friends to truly feel good about themselves even though
these things are entirely human constructions
and seeing as no one on this planet has yet to do a
**** to affect the universe anyway, the universe should be
jealous of us for having such care-free lives.

Some people claim they feel rage, but anger's dead.
Rage is the thing to pretend to feel when the
world realises it doesn't revolve around anyone and
actually revolves around the sun.
Rage is like a rushing tidal wave of the opposite
of melting sunsets eating the horizon and generally
it's a lot less pretty unless you see a macabre
sort of beauty in war and politics and education because
education is the big thing we should really be angry about
because wouldn't true ignorance be bliss?

True fear
It isn't a gun pointed to your head
Or even at your child's
Or your mother's
Or your father's
No
True fear
Is knowing that no matter what I do
No matter what I say
Right now
You are not in my arms
When you need most to be