You told me you loved me that night after track
You told me you loved me & I said it back.
You told me you loved me & we were forever
You told me you loved me no matter the weather.
You told me you loved me, but I didn't believe you
You told me you loved me & 'I'll never leave you'.
You told me you loved me & it was fast and quick
You told me you loved me but my laugh made you sick.
You told me you loved but this was the last
You told me you loved her & our love was the past.

I listened but I heard no sound
Falling from his lips.
Instead I heard my beating heart
Wanting to meet his.

I loved how his hands would follow
When his mouth would move.
For a busy mind like mine
His tender voice did soothe.

-ARI

An artist by nature.
A beauty by heart.
A prisoner by mind…I’m falling apart.

What more can I do?
What more can I say?
I’m losing myself in a world gone astray.

No, wait.
That’s not right, the world’s not to blame.
It’s me who’s the problem.  
My soul’s ran away.

“Where are you?”
“Come back!”
“Don’t leave me like this!”
I say,
with tears in my eyes and a tightly clenched fist.

Spiraling spiraling spiraling down
….am I so far gone I can never be found?...

I want to escape, to break free from the chains
That have been holding me hostage since the day my dad walked away.
But with each passing year they get heavier and heavier.
I just want to be free of this hell-binding barrier!!!

Overwhelmed.
Insecure.
Worthless.
Tired.

I see the imperfections.
The weakness that has grown.  
I’m broken.  I’m breaking.  
…lost…
Waiting to be found.

What happened to the warrior I was once said to be?
There’s a cut on my foot, put there intentionally.

The scar,
The pain.
It was self inflicted.
Why am I constantly feeling so **** restricted?

That night I couldn’t breathe.
Couldn’t move for half an hour.
But I dragged myself up and reached into the shower.

The razor sliced hard.
The darkness had robbed me of all of my power.

I was defenseless against myself.
Weeping and cold.
Shaking with guilt of an act gone untold.

I lied,
Am still lying, about its very existence.  
Saying a pan fell and broke.
One of them old cooking dishes.

But I know why it’s there.
What happened that night.
I broke down.
I am scared.
Wound up in fright.

Who am I?
Who have I become?
Let me out!
Leave me be!
Darkness, you’ve won!
Now please,
RELEASE ME!

I’m lost, can’t you see?
I just want to be found.
The girl I once was?
She’s no longer around.

But I’m here.  
Way deep down.
Under all the dark mess.
Don’t stop looking for the girl.
The damsel in distress.

How?
How?
This is the question that I ask.
To live away from her is my task.
But this is an impossible feat,
for my life without her is incomplete.
The times with her I cherish the most.
So being apart is like being on an opposite coast.
When I hold her in my arms,
it is just her and I safe from harm.
When I comfort her when sad,
it's like I protect her from all that is bad.
When I see her dance,
I'm so awed that I am entranced
When I hear her sing,
I sit back, close my eyes, and listen to the music ring.
From these things I am powerless to resist.
So thus she is sorely missed.
How can I stay away,
away from where my heart lay?
How?
........How?
..............................