the blind sun
knoweth how
to read
the
braille tea leaves of
the
yellow river
and
she
knoweth well

from moon to sun. from being beautiful and harmless, to illuminating & burning everything on this path that will hurt me, but still warm enough to give light to the ones i love.

Why does everyone hate the rain?
Is it because they think of it as gloomy?
Or that the rain is paired with sadness?
If so, what’s so wrong with that?
I love this rain
Give me earphones and soft music
I’ll run for miles in this rain
Rain is beautiful
Feeling each drop fall onto my skin
To feel is to be alive, right?
I feel alive in this rain
Waves of sadness and happiness,
They wash all over me
I can see her perfectly in this rain
Yes, it’s almost clear here
On this gloomy September day
Rain, rain, stay here with me,
Forever, in this rain, with me.

The art I use has no meaning
I use be radiate happiness
Creating art is no longer in me
I willow away like leaves falling off during autumn.
People tried to push me towards my dream.
But my depression took it's grip.
And there went my dreams down a dark spiraling hole.

Art saved my life for the longest time.
As well as many other things.
But all the things I used to love and enjoy.
Are slipping out of my hands.
Then what will happen?
The dark cloud will consume me like it had many unknown others.

A WOMAN IS CRYING

In the next room
a woman is crying

a moon
perches upon an hotel sign

unmoved

as a new millennium
dawns

as bright as neon

the woman
still crying

her unknown
despair

shifting silently
from one century to another

human grief
unchanged

from age
to age.

A woman is crying.

I dealt death today.

I know it’s a part of the job.
I know I’ve seen it too many times to count.
But today,
I felt it.

I left the room long after their family did.
There was no where I could go
To escape their

Roaring grief.

They were long gone.
And I was left with their precious baby.
I curled his arms and legs up
Closed his eyes
Wrapped him up gently.
With love and respect
Here he’ll sleep forever.

And oh,
They are so thankful,
That it was me
That I understood
That I was so careful
That I spent the time with them.

And you’re not supposed to take it with you.
You’re supposed to leave it
When they walk out the door
With one less goodbye.

But I took it with me today.

The way they felt before
The way they felt after
The long quiet goodbyes
The man in a suit on his knees weeping
The mother and son making a cocoon
Sheltering their dying baby.
The solemn face of the woman who plays god.
The green death.
The last breath.
The heaving of the living as he gave his last.
The waiting.
Slower rhythm.
Quieter.
‘He’s gone now’.

I watched the clock
The same way I had
An hour before
Waiting for death.

Soon as I could
I fled out the door
Ran into the street
Tried to outrun it

Instead I ran to you
I dialled your number
With shaking hands

I know I’m not supposed to
But all I wanted was you
Your voice

Ringing out
Thankfully
I wept alone.

Today I dealt death
And I found I am not strong enough
To sustain this
Alone
Or for long.

I found I still consider you my haven
Deep down
But that you are not my haven anymore
Or should be.

I listened to the silence
After the call rang out
And decided

My name is Erin
and i was *****
at the age of 7

it has taken me
14 years of my life
for those 13 words to escape
my hollow mouth

the only questions i come to now
is why
why lock me in that room
why take everything from me
my innocence
my purity
my childhood

in that room
where my family trusted you
where i trusted you
the night terrors i have to this day
still haunt my mind

like a never ending
drive in movie that plays
over
and
over
only the moon in the night sky
isnt made to be found here
there is no light in these terrors

i cant sleep this time of year
because every time i do
its you
in that room
locking the door
shutting the windows
******* me
yelling at me
every single night
i close my eyes

it has taken me 14 years
to accept the fact that i was taken by you
i have been numb ever since
left in the dust
rotting away at the core
thinking i was nothing
thinking i deserved nothing
because you took everything

but not anymore
i will recover from this
i am strong enough
i believe in myself
i believe in my own happiness
and i promsie
that when i have children one day
i will never ever let them rot at the core
i will find happiness
the darkness will not take over this time