Denial pulls thick wool over our eyes,
Over our sense of raw reality;
It's not over until it's over,
When things reach their end.

But blood boils up like lava
Exploding in words that wear others down
And burn our thin-skinned throats,
Scarring who we are.

Scars remind us of our injuries,
Inviting the unwelcome 'why's' and 'should have's'
That cycle through our muddled minds,
Minding not their own business

Until blame beats us bleak,
And we remember the missing piece
That filled the soul's hole,
Wholly giving our lives light.

But the world flies by,
By and by we say 'goodbye'
To everything we've ever known;
For such is life.

Grabbed by the hair
Drag through the dirt
Blacken both eyes
Break my bones, I don't care
Kick the ribs
Stomp on my head
Grip tightly my throat
Until no screams I give
Slap my face
Wake me up
Throw me in the box
Just another missing case
Bury me alive
Throw the dirt on
Hearing all the scratches
No way to survive
Listen,  no sounds
Place the leaves back on
But be careful where you step
For now it's haunted ground

Your bow is all elbow,
a flank of forearm that is
supporting and simply cradling
my imagination
where a dozen or so
lifeboats hang off starboard
in case things get too much

I, captained by your sturdy arms,
nip up to the crow’s nest
for a sip of spiced ***
for a bit of warmth and
perhaps more—

a full beard that reminds
me so much of Darwin
I feel certain I am on the Beagle
and hungry to shoot some
lame birds one by one!

Your shoulder
where I can sleep forever—
come sharks and eat my catch
while I whisper poetry,
summon ghosts and
******* Hemingway,
whose macho act was betrayed
by his pain-filled eyes
and sensitively painted
one-word skies

You, my aching hull
in human form,
rocking gently as the sea
slows our progress
knowing we are
wishing away time too often

the working of the gyro
prevents my seasick blushes
we do not yet know each other
that well but all is fine as I see it,
your arms really are made of
shipworthy wood and
beneath deck, where I will sleep
tonight above Atlantis’s cesspit,
we just bounce off each wave,
getting closer and closer to the moon
but not yet arrived,
has sleep come too soon for me tonight?

I’ll rest and stretch and groan
like weary ****** do
once Surya helps me turn out the light




*—Yes, once my ship did start to sink. I called until my throat was gone and ended up swimming a good distance until crucially a boat came by and pulled me out of the sea. I remember thinking: I should feel more grateful to be alive. I went back to where it sank and retrieved a few personal items, then I sat on the beach a wept as if the whole thing had just hit me.

It's an impulse you can't control,
An action you wanna take back
But let's face facts
You can't delay it
The pain waits patiently,
Tapping away at your consciousness
Regardless of the consequence
And I'll be honest with this
It's almost impossible to stop

Almost

The key word I hang onto with every breath
This is not just a test of strength
But of reality,
Making short work of your sanity
You try to stop it
But it won't have any

I see the kids with mocking laughter
Not knowing that my body awaits disaster
Trying not to cause drama
To kick up a fuss
To set off the bus
Drive it down main street and yell
"Hey look mum no hands".

There's a reason rumour rhymes with tumour
Malignant and fast
If not careful you'll breathe your last
One misplaced cut and your veins start spewing
On the gums with nervousness inside your mouth you start chewing
And deep inside your anger is brewing

Boiling
Broiling
Coiling around your throat
Just to choke you out

That's what my impulse is like
That's what my impulse is about
And sometimes it's hard to resist
When my subconscious persists
That little voice in my head telling me
"You ain't ****!"
"Just another mother-******* chopping board
Slicing
And dicing
The Sunday specials you had stored"

I'm better than this
Experience defines who you are
And I'd rather not be a peeling bandaid,
A walking, talking, bleeding scar
That won't heal!

That stays, never gives up for the wrong reasons!
Searches and lives a life without meaning!

I'd rather just be myself
Not the trash can everyone dumps their **** into
Even when it's full

I want to be safe
Can you say the same?

Let me cry alone over you
Alone, without an audience
Let me cry in solitude over you
Out loud and ugly.

Let me scream out loud over you
Whimper from the pain your silence cause me
Let me trash my world in agony from
your razor snakes twisting in my gut.

Let me be rage out loud over you
Furious, fuming and boiling
Implode without spectators witnessing
my misserable decay of character

Crumbling over a man they didn't know existed
The invisible man who set my world on fire with words only.

You finally vanished for real and left open wounds never to be patched or stitched with anything but silence.
Silence, because I'm not allowed mourning you, not allowed missing you.

Not allowed crying alone over you leaving without  a simple goodbye...



...Silence really is a ****** band aid.