She didn't see the life left to be had,
All she saw was Darling Dear dark and sad.
She held so tightly Darling Dear, four years old
Little did she know, Darling Dear had grown up dark and cold.
Mama didn't know the strength in Darling Dear,
Befriended by the shadows, she had no remaining fears.
She loved Mama and Mama loved her back,
But nothing was as beautiful as Darling Dear gone black.
--Emily Rutledge

In a room full of people I thought I'd met,
But fell in love because I lost a bet.
All these people, so many strangers,
Amazing that my family could be so many different dangers.
At least I have a soul to rely upon,
How can all the others be so far gone?
--Emily Rutledge

you were home and I was the traveler.
And I moved from continent to continent as the world was spinning faster
We held hands and rearranged the mountains,
We swam in each abyss below the waterfalls, the world's greatest fountains.
And we were never stayed in one place,
But danced with discovery at a romantic pace
Because I was in love with my home
And you fell in love with the unknown.
There was so much more to life
Than paying bills and being a wife,
And there was so much more to passion than a monotonous job and everything old fashioned.
We made everyday something new,
And if anything led me to believe in blessings it was you.
So tomorrow we'll cross the ocean,
We'll be brave and in love as we conquer the motion
Of an ever changing life, and ever changing existence,
All I'd ever love in life was home and your gentle resistance
To all that the world told us to be.
Because now.
I'm happy with you and you are happy with me.
--Emily Rutledge

Upon the ocean rests my heart.
How unique when soul and corpse are set apart...
My body lifeless without a voice of reason
And lifeless I'll remain until that final season.
When my soul will arrive back here
And hush the voices that remind me of my fear.

Upon the ocean rests my heart.
A boy I loved before the start
This is temporary pain
But the longing in my heart is a passion to remain
In my depths until my soldier comes back home
When my empty house won't seem so alone.

Upon the ocean rests my heart.
My love for him a sacred art.
I knew he was leaving
But my heart keeps believing
That I'll some day be his wife.
He is my pride and joy; my life.
I don't know if he loved me then,
But I know when I see my soldier home again,
He'll be my Hero now and forever,
Regardless of land or sea, there's nothing like "together".

Upon the ocean rests my heart.
And tonight I'll ask the sea
as the sky looks down on me,
Protect my soldier from every danger,
And keep my loneliness a distant stranger.
Bring him home, bring him back to me,
But for now, my delicate heart rests upon the sea.

The world tells their young
That abstinence is old fashion, that innocence is over and done.
That to make something of themselves
They must give this much
to someone else
That *** paves the road to success.
What standards should I view best?
Am I a woman now?
Look at me.
trying to understand my insecurity
Wallowing in pathetic purity
They tell me I'll never find love for more than a day
If I can't even let him get to second base.
That I should give my innocence to him,
I should join him in a ****** rhythm.
That I should have fun and forget what the bible has to say,
To find temporary bliss for a night and misery the following day.
Maybe I should fall into the mainstream,
Because popularity should fix my self esteem..
Am I a woman now?
I've tried so hard to lock myself away,
To keep myself pure in the light of day,
But night comes around and leads my thoughts astray,
Maybe *** is just a game we play.
Perhaps I'll test the waters but on the ground my feet with stay
I'll try things out but not go "all the way"
Am I a woman now?
God, I need you here right now.
I went too far and broke every single vow
Of innocence that I pledged to you.
And asking for forgiveness is all I know to do.
Am I a woman now?
Being broken by the worlds expectation,
Being deceived in my contemplation.
Don't ever lose yourself,
Not to birth control or the ****** on the shelf.
Not to boys or to loneliness in the middle of the week,
Be strong, be as much of yourself that you can possibly bear to be.
Because the negativity and hatred of the earth,
Will try to **** your spirit and tell you what your worth.
We're no better than the world and *** is a natural inclination,
But if we are the body of Christ we have a God-given obligation
I'm scared, have I done what I'm supposed to do?
Did I do what's right according to God or you?
Am I a woman now?
That's all I wanted, to be beautiful or gorgeous in someone else's eyes,
But I think I've only accomplished that by the words that humans make into deadly lies.
They looked so appealing and delicious,
But I'd advise you to avoid something so malicious,
Because there's remorse and expensive emotional debt,
When we conform to the world and allow ourselves to forget,
That God made *** a spiritual experience to share as a couple,
Only with each other,
It's a passionate emotion that should be known solely by a significant other,
The two bound by marriage, in spirit, and with rings
So that the world can see  they
Can show the world what each spirit brings
To a relationship in Christ alone
In whom my unwavering worth is known.
Am I a woman now?
--Emily Rutledge

Plastered to the atmosphere
Breathing in my almost fear
Of being lost or being here
Or being the cry I've begun to hear
When I've become dust in the stratosphere
When the sun expands and burns away
A million cells of human display.
Like the H from two O
All my senses begin to go.
I'm the afraid and lost
That comes with the daunting cost
Of my life unraveled
Like a galaxy untraveled.
I've fallen into space.
I've finally found my place.
I'm nothing in a galaxy of existential being
Not worth hearing. Not worth seeing.
Just a little star dust
Cast out from the sun
But life broke my trust
And the universe won.
--Emily Rutledge

They were constant company
But I took them like they were something free.
I never need the ground beneath my feet when I'm flying
And I never need the air I breath until I'm dying.
But something about reaching for the moon in the height of the night,
Or inhaling the wind when my timing seems right
Always leads to a lonely life and broken soul
And just when I see my dream, I feel gravity pull
Me back to earth, back to who I have now,
Away from the love this hell won't allow.
All I want is to see beyond the sky
To reach up and embrace the stars before I die.
But I'm stuck alone
In a house I can't call my own.
Unhappy with the people around me.
Routine crept through the dirt and found me.
All I want Is someone new
But no other star stands out like you.
It's a **** shame I'm bound to an earth like this,
When you're of another world, in a fantasy of bliss.
So I'll stay home and fake some kind of joy.
While the people all around me misread an unhappy boy,
Because they're too tangible and real,
But it's the supernatural love I long to feel.
For now I'll look ahead and hope with all I've got,
That god will grant me blessing for all the hell I've fought,
Maybe tomorrow when the sun rises alone,
It will bring with it a new reality
I'll finally deem my own.
--Emily Rutledge