It's been a while now since I've talked you
I still have not heard your voice in years it feels
I'm letting you go
But I still think about you
Do you still think of me?
I wonder when I wont think of you anymore
Until you are nothing more than a memory
But right now I can still see your eyes
How bright they were
But how dead you were inside
You were something else
A race against time
But I no longer can fight the good fight
You have stand up on your own
We would have been great together you said
Would we?
I don't think so
You bring someone else out of me
And I don't know if I like her
You can hate me all you want
But I did what was best for us
We would have died together
A slow and painless death
Why will you only die for me?
That was the only way I could be with you
To live I have to be
Be worth it and live
Because life goes on

It finally happened
But it needed to happen
Where did you go?
I'm so sorry
Sorry that I ever met you
We could never be friends could we?
Were we ever friends?
I'm glad it happened
I couldn't have done it
And neither could you
But this was our escape
Finally we can be free
I've learned so much from you
But I can't take your pain forever
And I can't be in pain forever
I'll always remember you
Will you please
For me
Remember me
Not as the girl that ruined it all
Or Jessie's girl
But as me
The me you fell in love with

I've thought of so many different ways to forget you
I wouldn't say you name anymore
The color blue was erased from my memory
Tragic love stories seemed happy in comparison
But I couldn't do it
How could I let you go
I know that I had a choice
And to you I didn't pick fair
But I didn't know that it would end like this
Blocking and avoiding
Hiding and worrying
Are you okay
Am I okay
I miss you
Not so that I can use you to vent
And not because I didn't have anyone else
I miss you because I miss you
I didn't mean it before when I said we were strangers
I know you, and I know you know me
I miss your sighs and smiles
Even your cat voice
Im so sorry that I didn't stay
But I couldn't
If you would just let me be the best friend you've ever had
We can fix this
I never meant to hurt you but
These violent delights have violent ends
And I understand that I ****** up
But all I'm asking is for you
All I want is my best friend back
The who knows I will aways be there for her
Im sorry thats all I can give
And I know it might not be enough
But all I'm asking for is a chance
A chance to show you I haven't changed
That Im still me
Just the me before all of this happened
So I guess this might be my last saving grace

It is true that I have a lot to explain to you
So I shall start from the beginning
When I met you I knew we had something
The greed within was too much to keep in
So I told you
But now I wish I could take it all back
I never meant to hurt you
But all I did was hurt you
After I told you I felt better
I didn't have to hold the fire in anymore
And then I had a taste and it was amazing
There are no words to describe what I felt that first time
Much like all addictions I needed more
That's were it all went wrong
I couldn't not talk to you or see you
I became completely obsessed with you and the thought of us
I left my comfort and security and home for you
And I don't mean home as in a place to stay
I left the place I loved for you
I left her for you
I still can't believe I ever put her through that
As soon as I left I thought I had made the right choice
But I kept seeing how in pain she was and it hurt me
Its a whole different kind of pain you feel with your partner
Their pain becomes yours, and yours becomes theres
So intertwined you can't tell who's feeling what
That's when I knew
I never meant to cause such a mess
I'm not that girl
And I cant be that girl for you
"I have infinite tenderness for you"
But I don't think that I can see you for a while
That scares me sometimes though
What if one day I wake up and I don't remember you?
What if it happens to you?
But then this could just be a dream
I won't pretend like I know all the answers
All I wanted you to know was that This meant something to me
You meant something to me
"Im sorry it had to end like this"

I know more today than I did yesterday
Tomorrow and next week I'll be wiser
But today
Right now
Im an idiot for believing you
I let you in
I let you get settled in me
And then you left
I want it back
I want every last memory back
Every late night text
Every secret and promise
All of it
You were never mine to keep
I saw that before you did
But I stayed because I had a part of you
I just want it all back
Im such an idiot

I know you're hurting, sweetie, and it's breaking my heart. I keep seeing all these horrible things in my sleep and it's scaring me.
I want to tell you so much, but I'm afraid I'll hurt you again - and I cannot do that.

I wanted to **** myself, and I don't know how I'll tell anyone that, let alone my best friend. I prayed for the end; I knew how I was going to do it: and then an angel showed up.

There are moments when it feels like it's better, but sometimes, they hurt the most, because they are so fleeting.
I don't know if it'll ever get better, darling, but sleep tight, you hear?
Sleep...

Don't you go worrying about me, I'll be fine. It's probably just a phase. I'll be fine in a few weeks, or a month, or a year.
Chin up, darling, you're doing great.