NitaAnn

NitaAnn Oct 2014

God~ Help me remember that no matter what the crisis, no matter how much pain, and no matter how hopeless, Your goal is to always bring me closer to You. I don't know who or what will cross my path today. But I do know that You are my Rock and my Fortress. Anchor me to You today. Teach me how to stand strong in You and choose Your way today. Help me to walk by Your truth and not my feelings. Help me to embrace anything that comes my way as an opportunity to see You at work and as an opportunity to point others to You. Thank You that You love me and nothing can ever take that away from me! Even if I fail today and fall short, You whisper Your unconditional love deep in my soul.

#prayer #abuse #hoping #survivor

NitaAnn Oct 2014

Hurting

I am hurting
Deep in my soul

Pain
Tortured
Memories

Make it stop!
How do I make it stop?

Flashbacks
Tormented
Relentless

I am hurting
Deep in my soul!

#pain #abuse #hurt #si #flashbacks #survivor

NitaAnn Oct 2014

Messing Up....Again

I keep messing up with my reactions to things.
I have a tendency to process my emotions in an unhealthy way.
I am either exploding with angry words
Or stuffing it down while saying, “I’m fine”.
Over and over are failed attempts and many cries of frustration.
Am I ever going to be able to change?
Is it even possible?

I feel that I will never be able to react properly.
Real change is beyond me.

I am messing up...Again!

#abuse #frustration #change #mess #si #survivor

NitaAnn Oct 2014

SI

Over
Done
Finished
Broken skin
Addicted to the
Pull of the blade against my skin

Bright red
Blood
Runs in streamlets
****** arms
****** body parts
Blood pools on the floor

I cannot stop
Need to feel
Require the pain

Beautiful scabs
Turn to tiny white scars.

#cutting #abuse #blood #scars #si #survivor #dontcareanymore

NitaAnn Oct 2014

Hear Me

Why do you not listen
I am tired of explaining
Now my silence is overwhelming

I am hurting inside
Searching for answers

Wishing I could put aside my adversion to touch
I want to be held
I want to be reassured by your strength
I need reassurance
Cause I am drowning

Please hear me

Help me Hold me

#abuse #crying #hurting #survivor

NitaAnn Oct 2014

Not Well

***...I am not well…I cannot keep up…I plug one leak and another has sprung somewhere else – my crazybrain is out of control…it is tiring.
I am forever waiting for a “better day”.
Tomorrow I will feel better...Tomorrow will be a better day…What if tomorrow never comes?
Like I said I am not well…I cannot keep up... I am about done.

#abuse #crazy #tomorrow #wishful #finished #survivor #notwell

NitaAnn Oct 2014

Helpless Hopeless

Do you hear my cry?
Do you see my tears?

Am I truly invisible?

I am begging, pleading.
Please stop ignoring me.
Please notice me here.

I need you to see me.
I need you to hear me.

I am asking in the only way I know
For your help, your advice, your guidance.
Please recognize what I need.
You may be my last hope,
My last chance.

Your words say that you hear me
Your words say that you see me
You state you see more than I see in me

However, your actions tell a different story.
I am pleading....

HELP

Help me to become the woman you see.
Put me on the path to better.
Show me how to make the change.

HELP

If you turn away now
I may be gone
Silently slip away into forever.

Do you hear my cry?
Do you see my tears?

I need you to see me.
I need you to hear me.

Sometimes it seems like it would be so easy to silently slip into forever with just a few quick razor cuts. How long would it take for you to notice I was gone? Would you care? Would you cry? Would you regret the times you turned away from my cry? I need to know you care before it is too late.

#cutting #abuse #crying #help #hopeless #invisible #si #survivor