Dust on fans, cluttered rooms
you're still beside me
I know that's true
red nights, take it how you like
you're still beside me  
I have to thank you
Darker thoughts, and mistrust
you've reassured me, no matter what
I trust you, I do
Past has bruised me,
but eventually they disappear
yours have not, I see that daily
Ill tread with caution,
you seem to save me
Daisies, and messy clothes
my muddy water remains,
We share a lake, you and I
with turtles, fish, and cranes
dragonflies coasting above our rippled waters
our lake is never dry,
you seem to save me,
you and I.

I just woke up on a train I shouldn't be on
I'm stuck in this seat,
To the left there is no one
To the right, there is just my shadow

How peculiar to have a shadow when there is no sun shining through the train
The windows are tinted and the sky outside is murky
I can see the land around me is barren with no greenery

My legs are starting to ache from sitting so long and I feel a fiery rash spreading on my chest
the pattern is floral, like carnations in bloom
My chest is swelling up to my throat
Something is expanding in my chest, stretching and burning

Something familiar but foreign
And just like that a carnation bursts through me completely disintegrated.  In my lap I try to put the pieces together
Stuck in this seat I take out my mirror and look at the hole where the carnation lived

Deep inside, something the size of a petite ruby, little and plump was beating.
Louder and louder I could hear it in my ears,
the swelling is subsiding around my neck but I don't think I'll be free of this chair for a long while

the sky, budding, looking on us with all its glory
how its shades change with the hour
I grow older and older
its knocking by the door now, reminding me that my skin is not the same it was
My fingers still reminiscent of when anything seemed imaginable
get up and move, youth is everlasting
fantasy whithers without light
if my body resembled the ripples of the lake from my childhood, maybe reality would change
energy does not dissapear, but where has ours gone?
to the trees, the leaves falling, can we catch them before gravity takes them as it has taken my confidence?
sweet mandarin trees, and houses covered in spider nests after long departures
do you remember those nights where the air was filled with stories rather than regrets?
the reeds hiding the lakes secrets, do not swim there, something may ****** you
drought, cheekbones, harvest, hips
relativity of simultainity is predator

I wanted you to be real
I wanted you to be real
Like a fire on a cold evening

Glowing, a spark
For a moment
A short second here,
Now a while gone

I feel the emptiness inside me
Like you’ve taken my fire too
Frozen in my chest
I’m not ready to let go

Little thing I love
Little heart I loved
Like a butterfly’s wings,
Delicate,
one day we’ll meet again

I'm learning to live outside of the confines of fear;
refusing to be imprisoned by my anxiety
The tingling in my chest may turn to shackles some days but my fingers are still free to search for a key
Dark thoughts may create a fortress around me but this can not stop me from building beauty with it's walls.
Tempting it may be to lay down and freeze but there are flowers which blossom even in the winter.
I'm learning to live outside of the confines of fear; refusing to be battered  by worry.
Often it may seem that aspirations are whimsical dreams, but with each moment of lucidity I will find footing.
Tomorrow I may wake up burdened by shadow, but I've learned to make sure the shadow is never my guide.

When I think of you I think of vines
When I think of you I think of spikes
When I think of you I think of blood
When I think of you I think of god
When I think of you I think of mud
When I think of you I think of dust
When I think of you I think of aches
When I think of you I think of cherries and razor blades
When I think of you I think of a gun
When I think of you I think of souls
When I think of you I think I'm free
When I think of you I think of butterfly's, did you know some species have very short lives.

You've made the waves move
and time too
Replacing the rivers with springs
Where sweetness flows through evergreen
Not perfect no, but just close
Trees with shade, and shadows
I think of the life in the water around me
Not the danger of drowning
Diving into what was once murky
Not crystal clear, but just close
Blunt, abrupt, your waves surround me
But I can still resurface
Diving into what was once murky,
I can see the life around me.
There may be times when swimming is trivial
But with calm waters I may float
And if I sink, I’ll swim a little farther down
To feel the life around me, and to look up at the surface
If this freedom does not last, and the rivers turn to ebony
I will have the memory, of all your waves,
And the timeless shades and shadows of the three springs.

Have you ever stayed awake at night 
Wondering if everything you’ve done 
Is to stay alive or die

Those nights when sleep seems futile 
And dreams are nightmarish 

Bringing up fake memories and wishes
Leaving you empty and speechless

I promise not to do anything rash, 

But these feelings are lurking

And my sadness is moving 

Trying to avoid waking up 

Cause you don’t know how you’ll feel tomorrow 

I like to smile in the mirror every once in awhile to remind myself

To make sure that when I fake it, it’s not too much or too little 

To make sure when it’s real, I can feel it

something slipped behind my eye
I can feel it there sometimes
It creeps up to the corners but buries itself before I can catch it
It sleeps within my pupil, so the light doesn't disturb it and if there is a day it may decide to leave, I will miss the lingering feeling of something crawling behind my lid, making its way up to my tear  ducts and back again


I thought maybe it would travel from eye to eye but it chooses to reside in only the left.  I think it may be cause its the closest to my heart.

It only emerges when someone is trying to look with in
but it knows better and hides again

Maybe one day it'll burrow its way into my body but for now it seems comfortable seeing as I.

I wrote about you twice,
whispers at the time,
You're someone I was supposed to meet later, but time is man made and my feelings remain the same
told you straight, I love you,
so similar to the sunrise,
you came to early it seems but I'll keep you anyway
Are you just as afraid
that I'm something worth staying for?
I know you're afraid of heights but I'll be holding you on the way, where the drop becomes a climb  
thank you for hearing me, when no one else would
I'm afraid my songs have no rhythm without your melody

When I think of everything I wish for
Everything turns to you
I look for the bluest skies
And I find them when our eyes meet
The strength to carry me across mountains
Falls exactly in your arms
Regardless of all the silk my hands may touch
My finger tips crave the coarseness of your hair and the coolness of your skin
When I think of everything I wish to be
Everything reminds me of you
The confidence to push beyond my fear
Your perseverance is my lead
My mind wanders at what our future may hold
To which my feet remind me I am grounded beside you
When I think of everything you have given me
Everything is inexplicable, unquantifiable, and I am beyond grateful