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 Jul 2018 niella
skyler
bearable
 Jul 2018 niella
skyler
drugs don't take the pain away, sure,
but they make it more bearable

so when you're wide awake and you haven't fallen asleep
because your thoughts have gone too deep
you won't sit and weep
about life being so bleak
because the numbness will take over when your high is at its peak
and your questions will melt away
turning the whole world gray
you wish you would have stayed
you want the happy life that feels so unattainable
you want that perfect person who seems so unforgettable
but all you have is a drug
when all you need us a hug
but the high is what's getting you through
you feel like an addict and it's probably true
but you won't stop until your skin fades blue
because the world's a lonely place
so you fall into space
with whatever gets you highest to forget a lovers face
and an awful sad place
and sure, drugs don't rid you of the hurt
but they make some things feel a little less worse

s.s
this is messy I'm sorry
 Jul 2018 niella
Andrew Durst
My death will be liberating.

And I do not say that in the sense
that I am going to find a cliff
and take a good jump off.

No.

I am just trying to find a
clever way to tell you

that I do not know what is going
to happen next.

You see,

there is a
fine line
between
dreaming and
mortality

and

I am finding out for myself
that being in love
does not always
involve

being awake.

And for my sake
I fall in love with daydreams,
nightmares,
hazy realities
and

the hung-over idea

of not being enough.

It is all out of my hands.
                 It is all out of time.

And the only thing I have left to do,
now,


is decide.
Thank you to anyone that reads this.
 Jun 2018 niella
Libeth
Murder
 Jun 2018 niella
Libeth
I understand where it all went wrong
It went downhill the moment I found out about her

She was a new scene
A new air to breathe
Something that you wanted
But you had me.

You fell into the desire
And yet you called me the liar.
I was a fool
And yet I still believed you.

As we made love, you killed me.
At my last breath, I realized:
I was only a passing time
And a crime of passion
 Jun 2018 niella
Ruby
depression
 Jun 2018 niella
Ruby
For me, depression is walking across the street without looking both ways.
It's sitting in a car wishing an accident would come, wishing you would be the only casualty.
It's cooking everything despite not wanting to, eating everything in sight just because there's a slim chance of dying from poison.
It's staying out in the rain and never moving, staring in the distance. Waiting for a branch to knock me unconscious.
It's staying up till dawn knowing you have to be up early the next day.
It's zoning out at random intervals because you have no energy anymore.
It's staying in your room unless necessary.
It's staying in bed until life comes knocking at the door.
It's losing inspiration on things you previously liked.
To me, these are the meaning of depression.
 Jun 2018 niella
Beaux
If I die in a school shooting
I'll never go home again.
My room will sit unused,
A capsule frozen in time,
A snapshot of how I was.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my dog again.
She will sit at the front door
Waiting for me and wondering,
Why I never came home.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never graduate from high school.
My yearbooks will sit stacked
Stopped short of their goal,
Missing years that should have been.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my mom again.
She will sit distraught,
Planning a funeral
For a child taken from her.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my friends again.
They'll sit together, missing me.
One empty seat among them,
A constant reminder of their loss.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my little sister again.
She will sit through high school
Knowing I can't guide her through,
That she has to figure it out alone.

If I die in a school shooting
My school will be stained.
Pools of students lives will sit,
Blood tattoos on the brick structures,
Marks of death ground into it.

If I die in a school shooting
Everyone will wear black.
They'll send their thoughts and prayers
To a town marred by death,
Forever to be the home of a shooting.

If I die in a school shooting
Will the world change?
Or will I become one of hundreds  
Of kids who have to die?
What will it take?

If things continue this way
Children will have to live in fear.
They'll look over their shoulders
Always worried and wondering,
If they'll die in a school shooting.
The state of Florida is now home to the two most deadly mass shootings in American history. Pulse Nightclub was attacked in my city, I have friends who attend Marjory Stoneman Douglas in Parkland. My little sister often fears going to school. I'm afraid to graduate and leave her. I want to be able to protect her if something happens. I hate that we have a reason to be afraid... That it's reasonable to have these fears. I hate it so f*cking much.
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