You ask me what I want
In an exasperated tone
A seemingly obvious sign I believe
Of your unwillingness to listen to my feelings

What I want?
I want you to walk through that door
With only me in your sight
Gather me up in your strong arms
Take a deep breath
Filling your lungs with my scent
And then kiss me
In a way you never have before
No holds barred
No care of broken hearts and bones

I want your lips to kiss my body
Your teeth to bruise my skin
Not in an attempt to lay claim
But in a desperate hope
To leave those marks as reminders
Of your unwavering love
Your crave for my body
Your want to merge with my soul

I want you to prove it to me
In a way words never could
Once and for all
Your real feelings for me

I just want you to be honest
Bare your self to me
Naked and proud
No hesitation to hide behind
And finally be able to make believe
In a way your words could never prove
That you love me

For people who call each other best friends
We do put up a pretty bad show
Don't we?

Is this how it ends?
All our memories forgotten in the dust
We walk away with no love
No feeling for the other

Did we push it too far?
The boundaries set by society
We broke them with enthusiasm
A spur of the moment thing
And now I guess
The consequences must be faced

Maybe you never had the strength
Your conviction false
Maybe it was all too much
Too many emotions to handle
And you chose
To run away from all of it

Easier I presume
Than dealing with one like me
Yes you did leave me standing
All alone in this rain
And yes it breaks my heart
To say this
But we are done

I can't wait for you
*** it hurts too much
Like my heart being ripped into nothingness
I can't hold on anymore
And be constantly disappointed
So this is goodbye
For how long I do not know
But goodbye nonetheless

There  is no better comfort than the warmth of a fluffy blanket and some hot chocolate.

2. Good food can really make you happy in the darkest of times.

3. The past cannot hurt you if you walk away from it.

4. Nobody and I mean no body can make you feel terrible about yourself unless you give them the power to.

5. You will never find true love until you truly love yourself first.

6. Success will elude you for years, maybe decades. But it will come, just not in the way you demand it to.

7. Your opinions are what make you, you. So never be shy to stand for what you believe in.

8. There is a time for words and there is a time for actions and most of all, there is a time for silence. Learn their strengths and use them well.

9. No amount of expensive makeup can make you feel better if you cannot first love your naked self irrevocably.

10. You have the strength to take on any problem you ever face. But also have the strength to accept help when you need it.

11. Be aware of everything that happens around you. Use it and learn from it. If you believe and work towards it, one small person can make a difference.

12. Always make time for others. Learn to balance your needs with everyone else's. After all, success will only be a lonely climb if you choose it to be so.

13. This life will hit you, hurt you, harder than you ever imagined. But never forget that after the storm, there is always a rainbow near by.

If I am being honest with myself
Truly and undeniably so
I'd admit that I feel us waning
Those passionate emotions are no longer
A part of us
There's this force that's pushing us away
And until now I hadn't felt it
I wonder who's to blame for it
And I guess truthfully it's us both
I put too much hope into you
My expectations on the higher sides of things
I tried to give you every bit of me
More than I could even spare
And foolishly hoped to receive the same

And you on the other hand always
Had good intentions
You promised me love
You swore to me happiness
You chalked out a dream
And told me it would be reality
Yet you couldn't
It was an impossible sworn promise
That couldn't ever be fulfilled

And all that seems left is emptiness
What was supposed to be a relieving time of happiness
Has turned into a mundane darkness
Streaked in a fear and confusion
Of what my reality really is
This is the only way I can put in words
How I feel
And to tell you this pains me
For I know you won't understand
And I guess it's cruel to say it out loud

But when I look at us
I no longer can see happiness
Just a numb confusion
For my love for you still rings true
Yet everything else lies in shambles
And I wonder was love ever enough?
For now
And even for the future?

There will be times
when love art and reality coexist
beauty reigning each passing moment

there will be times
when both left and right can be
fused together in absolute perfection

there will be times
when insecurities vanish seamlessly
giving birth to new hope

but

there will also be times
of miserable uselessness
clawing away the present

times
of mundane boredom spreading
bringing about despising of every action

times
when ripping reality into shreds
is as worthless as always
every moment experienced

In the end is just an illusion
of mind, soul and body

She had a way of looking at you after one too many pegs
Her stare far too focused for someone so blazed on spirits
One hand reaching out almost to grab your face
But you realise what she's seeking for doesn't exist in the physical realm
Her hand grips your face now
Gently
Until you feel her nails slowly slicing down your ear
Your neck feels hot as her deft fingers slip inside
Her eyes locked on yours soothing any pain you should be feeling
Her hand going deeper inside you
Dodging artery nerves and pushing aside your muscles
Only to clasp on your voice box
You move your mouth in protest but no words escape
And as you blink in horror, her hand is gone
Your own reaches up to check the wound but there is none
"What....the..****?"
The words slip out with surprising ease
You weren't expecting this
You look at her in confusion
Trying to search her face for an answer she refuses to disclose
After 5 minutes of silence she sighs
"I couldn't find the words to explain how I feel about you. So I wanted some of yours instead."
Her face is closer now, her hand back to cradling your face
You brace for another invasion but what you feel is the unexpected touch of her lips against yours
They tasted so good you decided to give in
Maybe she wasn't the one high on spirits
Maybe it was you
Maybe you just imagined it all
"I want you"

It is considered weak to commit suicide
A terrible waste
The gift of life squandered
Keep on fighting
Never back down
You hear it every message movie and whatever's

But does anybody
I mean anybody even try
To understand the why?
Why would someone want to **** themselves
What could have happened to push them over the edge of sanity?

People don't just go around killing them selves for ***** sake
We're not some warped version of hidan following some killing cult called jashin

There is always a reason

What do I live for?
I have asked myself this question so many times I've lost count
And almost 90 percent of the time
I could find no answer
No reason to keep breathing
To keep living

Yet inside I've been dead
Emotionally dead
Not in a way that I feel nothing
Feeling nothing is a luxury I crave for
The problem is I feel too much
And I feel it killing me literally
Bit by bit

How do you live
When the very people you love treat you like the filth of the street
How can you keep going on
When every time, they break you
With their cruelty
Their words driving knives that keep digging into you flesh
Their bodies attacking you to a point where the slightest touch of flesh fills fear in your heart

What makes it worse is the bi polarity of it
Those rare moments of niceness terrify me more
It confuses me
It makes me believe that its all my fault

My fault that I'm hit
My fault that I'm filth
My fault again that they hit me
They do it because they love me they say
And as imperfect human beings their love is bound to have faults

But is it fair to me?
They have turned me into what I am
And now they hate what I've become
And what can I do?
All I ever asked for was to be loved
To be believed in
I'm not perfect either I've made one too many mistakes

But if you couldn't forgive
If you couldn't love
Then why in the world would you procreate?
Why the hell would you bring a child into this world if you couldn't love her when she grew up

You used her to vent your frustrations
She was blamed as the source of all your worldly problems
You hit her to feel better about yourself
Destroyed her will to strengthen your own
And when she cried
When she was in the corner shivering and fearful
You put a warm hand and comforted her
Told her it was her duty to bear it without complain

You drove her to insanity and back everyday
Used her trust to mock her
About the very things that broke her

And now finally
Two whole decades later
She has become nothing
Just an empty shell of what she used to be
Colourful butterflies don't spring out of papers when she moves crayons across them
Dark moths and evil sinisters arise instead
Drawing her into their dark feeling less hearts

This is her life
This is her story

And then they wonder why a girl from such a good family killed herself
Surely a bad egg was she

Her poor poor parents.

Its more than kisses
Its more that sensual touches
Its more than simple words
Its more than fatal crushes
Its a connection you see
One I yet can't define

Our eyes met across the hallway
Yours filled with a polite curiosity
My identity questionable
With a touch of nagging familiarity

I walked away
Merging into the crowds of uniform
Avoiding those moonlike eyes
Having a pull that draws me in

For a stranger
Your face seems old
Like it was carved into my insides
A promise of unforgetability

Who are you?
My mind searches its dark recesses
For answers which long since
Have been brutally wiped away clean

You find me easily
My scarred face hard to miss
Brows furrowed in confusion
You stare at my skin

Fingers reaching out
To touch the untouchable
A word forming on your lips
Evolving into a question

Nicole…?
Fingers clench the pregnant air
My body stepping back in fear
Too close.  Way too close.

I’m cornered now
Your presence now stronger
Studying my face with shock
My trembling cautioning your movements

Tears place themselves
Delicately in the corners of your sight
Emotions running wildly inside your being
As you look into the eyes of a ghost.

You were meant to stay
Right here in my arms

You were expected to give
With no holds barred

You were required to listen
To the ramblings of wonder

You were needed to kiss
With all the passion you could muster

You were wanted to hold
That fragile soul away from the wounded

You were begged to forget
All the previous misfortunes afflicted

You were hoped to love
Just like you did all those years ago

But you failed to do so
Fell short on every aspect

And so,
I need not
           Must not
                   Should not
                               Cannot
   Stay in love with you
   Not anymore