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NicoleRuth Aug 2016
There she stood
Hidden in the shadow of head banging bodies
Fist up to the gods of metallic brilliance
Moving to the twang of the guitar string

*The girl in the pink dress always had a taste for metal
  Jul 2016 NicoleRuth
Jenni
I've had trouble being myself lately
it's always like playing a role
that I haven't rehearsed enough for
who am I?
really?
I think I've been too occupied with trying not to mess up
that I never introduced myself
shouldn't it be natural?
being one's self?
it doesn't feel that way
I coast through most of life
on autopilot
but sometimes I wake up
and think
where the hell am I?
did I miss my exit?
isn't it so strange to be a person?
everyone I've ever met
has an image of who I am
isn't it strange to think that I exist?
I'm a character in other peoples' stories
how odd
I'm barely a character in my own
perhaps I should ask them something about me
do you know me?
could you tell me something about me?
I don't think we've been properly introduced
I never was good at meeting people
NicoleRuth Jul 2016
I still search for you
Across the waves of internet
I keep a weather eye out
For any sign or sound
A hopeful indication of something
Perhaps even a slip of escaped care

I still search for you
Across the dark dungeons of my heart
Snaking out hidden memories
A desperate need to hold onto them
The forgotten warmth of us
Now just a withered out candle

I still search for you
Across every dimension possible
Looking perhaps for a better time
When us meant something worthwhile
When flawed emotions didn't cut down our bonds
A time when you'd see me the way I see you

I still search for you
With a self resigned disappointment
Accepting the truth of our toxicity
Hoping someday to truly let go
NicoleRuth Jul 2016
There  is no better comfort than the warmth of a fluffy blanket and some hot chocolate.

2. Good food can really make you happy in the darkest of times.

3. The past cannot hurt you if you walk away from it.

4. Nobody and I mean no body can make you feel terrible about yourself unless you give them the power to.

5. You will never find true love until you truly love yourself first.

6. Success will elude you for years, maybe decades. But it will come, just not in the way you demand it to.

7. Your opinions are what make you, you. So never be shy to stand for what you believe in.

8. There is a time for words and there is a time for actions and most of all, there is a time for silence. Learn their strengths and use them well.

9. No amount of expensive makeup can make you feel better if you cannot first love your naked self irrevocably.

10. You have the strength to take on any problem you ever face. But also have the strength to accept help when you need it.

11. Be aware of everything that happens around you. Use it and learn from it. If you believe and work towards it, one small person can make a difference.

12. Always make time for others. Learn to balance your needs with everyone else's. After all, success will only be a lonely climb if you choose it to be so.

13. This life will hit you, hurt you, harder than you ever imagined. But never forget that after the storm, there is always a rainbow near by.
NicoleRuth Jul 2016
He brought out the worst in me
Cruel actions and words his weapons
Ones he kept well oiled for use
Every syllable spoken in perfection
Hitting the bullseye of my patience
Bursting out a fury I long kept hidden
With a marksmen’s skills he teased out
Anger overcrowding my being like rain clouds
Bringing heavy showers of unrealistic vows
A wild gust of cruel decisions sweeping sanity away
He welcomed this flood with manic laughter

He brought out the worst in me
But
I still loved his soul
Though how cruel and selfish it truly was
Blinded by ancient kind actions
I skipped over the puddles of each storm
Hopping towards our reconciliation island
Hoping always for the sun to break out
Foolishly falling for the momentary calm
Putting the rest the rage and reality
Losing my fingers in the cords of us
Reattaching the damaged strings of trust
Dreaming of an ideality…..Us
But the truth broke in easily

In the finality of us
All that remained was nothing
An infinite of emptiness to run away from
Before it’s long tentacles pulled me in
Grief slithering into my heart
Taking full control of a shattered soul
A breathing living body
Now turned into a shell of nothingness
With sharp fingers I cut out the dead
Letting the ****** mess taint me
Until I let go with a sigh

Dusting away my disappointment
I got up
And walked away
NicoleRuth Jul 2016
He brought out the best in me
Demanded it every waking second
An impossible standard to wake up to
Bringing out new parts of me
New strengths to get acquainted to
Everyday was an evolution
A painful breaking of old cocoons
Striving towards an invisible ideality
His pedestal of perfection
Dreaming of my delicate wings
Drawn to match his idea
Hoping to be worthy

He brought out the best in me
But
I was not enough
Never could have met his dreams
How could i have?
Those expectations weren't mine to meet
He dreamt them for another
A stronger maiden who he cherished
One I could never battle
Nor cut away from the musical chords of his heart
A choking reality crashing in
Too fast it raced up to me
Destroying my strength with a lazy flick

In the finality of us
A black emptiness took over
Wrapping me in its warmth
Blinding my mind with crippling grief
As it took me away
Leaving me in a new reality
One where us meant nothing
Not a speck of past left behind

Dusting away my disappointment
I got up
And walked away
NicoleRuth Jun 2016
Death
50 shot cruelly without a thought

Death
Tiny bodies washing up on free shores

Death
Smoke and dust settling on ****** limbs

Death
Explosions wiping out ancient blocks of life

Death
Abused bodies of women ignored

Death
Dusty bodies pulled out of concrete avalanches

Death
A girl silenced on a stage forever

Death
Armed protectors mutilated in hatred

Death
Death
And more death

How long will you sit in silence?
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