When I asked you to fix me,
You told me I wasn't broken.
But, let this soak in.
I just wanted to know,
If i was still a pretty enough picture to be worth, agonizing over a puzzle.
Even when it's a struggle.
And you have to nuzzle each piece into place,
Kissing the pieces bent out of shape,
Searching for pieces gone missing,
But you can't make a raisin back into a grape.
Yes, I Remember your middle name
And who says we can't celebrate failure?
Don't be sad, we tried, we tried.
When you write your story in the sand it washes away with the tide.
It isn't our fault.
We may have cut ourselves open, But we didn't ask for the salt in our
wounds
Can I still say "we"?
I guess you're kind of done with me.
I don't blame you, Puzzles are frustrating.
they're a tease.
Please, tell me I haven't lost the most important piece.
Tell me I haven't lost
you.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn

I was on the way to see my girlfriend.
when I saw you standing next to a broke down bronco.
I new you were my dead end.
You wore patched up overall shorts with loud mismatched knee socks.
I didn't even make a phone call to tell my girl I turned the wrong block
Your frizzy hair was Kool-Aid dyed with every flavor ever made.
I meant to stop to help you, I'm just surprised I stayed
your eyes were lined with match stick ash.
Why am I attracted when everything you are's a clash?
I saw your arms painted with bruises from when he through you out with the trash.
You're not trash.
Believe me
You're not trash.
You're a Raggedy Anne who just needs some stitching up.
With a heart broke down like your bronco, just needs some fixing up.
I don't know
I mean
I don't have a magic syrup
or anything..
I'm just hoping this time that Love is enough
so, what do you think?

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn

I used to babble to you about every fear and insecurity.
You used to remind me to "just breathe"
And now, I've been holding my breath for far too long.
Lungs can only be so strong.
What's funny is I used to be used to being alone.
I used to be able to breathe on my own.
But you became a sort of personal ventilator.
It feels as if I'm riding an escalator that only goes down.
And I don't know how I'll make it without you around.
I became dependent on you.
And as descendants of not so great relatives.
You're my only family who dwells in a corner of my heart.
You Calling me family was a start but I can think of many things thicker than blood.
Like the thick sound of heartbreak when you fall to your knees with a thud. Or the thickness of the air that's filled my lungs since
You told me you didn't love me. don't you get how badly that stung?
Now do you understand the reasoning behind how tightly I clung?
I'm so tired of being alone. All that I want is just to go home but  home was in your arms and it's winter and I'm afraid you would no longer keep me warm.
Stop saying you love me, Your "love's" in the wrong form.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn

No one wants to see their Daddy with a needle in his arm.
He's supposed to be her hero.
She's supposed to be his good luck charm.
Because of her he's not supposed to want to cause himself harm.
But that's just not how addiction works.
Don't take it so hard.
pill bottle's became his baby.
because baby girl don't **** the pain like the pain killer's do.
yet he still tell's her
"Baby girl, your Daddy loves you."
so that's what love is.
in her pretty head.
so she fell in love with men that loved drugs instead.
they abused drugs
and they abused her.
tell me why hugs feel so much nicer from an abuser.
we don't want to be like our parents.
but thanks to genes and chromosomes,
were our parents to our bones.
once a tiny baby skeleton.
A bun in the oven of my mum.
a tiny being with no voice.
here only by my mothers choice.
she would walk down the baby aisle and  smile.
falling in love with everything she'd find.
She really truly wanted me.
It only took eight years to change her mind.
I no longer recognize the face in the mirror.
My little heart's full of fear.
anticipating the day you no longer want me here.
If Repeating History
is all this life is.
I'd rather be dead than relive how I've lived.
The more poetic you become,
the less they listen like before,
they hear suicide threats as metaphors
the girl who wrote poems and the boy who cried wolf are one in the same.
when will they learn this isn't a game.

Isn't this what you wanted?  
for me to write about you?
But I had no sad stories to tell.
You never made me want to bleed.
there was not one suppressed feeling,
Or depressed thoughts needing to be freed.
well,  I don't know how to deal with what I'm dealing with.
Shoulda never planted that seed in your head,
That you might be happier with her instead.
The most selfless thing iv'e ever done.
But, I've never felt more helpless, Hon.
I've never   f e l t   like this.
But, these are the cards I've been dealt with.
No, they're just the cards I played.
God, what was I thinking, If I had begged you, you might have stayed.
But, Once you've laid your cards down, you can't change your mind.
Like once you messaged her, there was no way to rewind.
I'd do it all different, If I could do it all again.
I want to tell you why you're significant, But don't know where to begin.
Maybe, that I'm writing this a little before
4 A.M.  
And I won't be getting sleep.
I'm not trying to condemn you, that's not your fault.
I could be counting sheep.
But I know laying in that bed will only make me weep.
I'm too regretful to be tired.
Wish I was forgetful.
But in my Heart, Body and Mind..You're still desired.
I'm sorry you thought I was pushing you.
But your words were crushing me.
I hope you two aren't rushing into things.
I still want you to be with me.
And it's much harder letting go, when I can still hear you saying "no".
But our love is a stretched rubber band.
I'm holding one end, and the other's in your hand.
If one lets go before the other, one of us will get hurt.
I can get hurt, that doesn't bother me.
But, we can both let go at the same time, and no one gets hurt, you see?
I'm sorry if you felt pushed.
I thought it would feel better than  trapped.

the point is, I'm just afraid..that our rubber band has snapped.

© copyrighted *Nicole Ann Osborn

Knock Knock Knock
On my trailer door.
More work to be done, I'm too sore and too tired to do more.
A little young lady stood there, her face painted white.
What was she doing out here in the middle of the night?
Long Teal hair framed her face.
but why was she here, she's a little out of place.
Pink hearts were painted on her cheek bones.
I invited her in
it was stupid.
I was feeling so alone.

"How do I join the circus?"
she asked.

"Well you already look the part"
I said gesturing at her Pink face paint hearts
"How old are you little Miss?"

"Seventeen today"

"Are you serious about this?"

"Yes, Sir I mean business, okay?"

"Are you aware you're under age?"

"Who else but the circus would take a runaway?"

"I bet your parents are missing you."

"Yes, I'm sure I'm greatly missed, that much is true."

"Then what brings you here?'"

"I want to join the circus haven't I made that clear?"

"Why would you want to be here and scoop elephant dung? Look at you, Under all the make up you're most likely beautiful and Gosh, you're so young."

she wrapped her arms around me I was breathless from how tightly she clung.

"Mam, what are you doing"

"listening to your heartbeat."

"what's it sound like?"

"Like life, it sounds like life. I'd give anything to feel alive."

"What's wrong with your life what about your family and your friends?"

"I'm misunderstood by them, and the torture never ends. I know it sounds funny since I'm dressed like a clown. But that's all I've ever been to anyone. A joke, never taken seriously. Maybe they were Right. Because for me, being a joke just comes so easily."

"come on lets wash your face off, Let me see the real you."

She wouldn't stop holding me she said, "I just want to feel you."

I shook her off and took her hand, led her to the sink. In a strange way this little lady felt like some sort of missing link.

"What makes your heart beat?"
She asked as I was washing off her mask.

"What a peculiar question for you to ask."

"It's just my heart keeps beating, but for no one. I have no one."

I layed down the rag when I was done.
her beauty was unbelievable.
She was God's masterpiece and I was his scribble.

"I don't know what my heart beats for.
But I know it's skipping beats for you Mi Amor."

"So you'll let me stay here? You'll let me be a circus clown."

I tilted up her chin so she'd stop looking down.
"I'm not denying you the fact you make the birds in my rib cage sing.
But, listen to me. you need to go on home now Darling."

"What's that? I've had many houses but never a home.
Please, I'm begging you don't make me go.
I'm all alone
I ran away to join the circus don't you understand?"

I tried to calm her down as I took her by the hand.
"Cant you see that this is wrong? You've run away to join the circus but you don't belong here.
You've runaway to join the circus
But you're not a clown my dear.
I understand that you've run away and your not looking back.
You've run away to join the circus.
How about, instead, you run away with me. We'll follow the train tracks. It will come easily."

We've made a life for ourselves now, one not run by fear.
But every night I wash off her make up and remind her.
"You're not a clown my Dear"


© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn

I burnt the roof of my mouth on the words I Love You.
I swallowed the fire so it wouldn't hurt you.
but those words never left the tip of my tongue
they should have been shouted
they should have been sung.
I keep telling myself you knew
but that's just for comfort.
I just knew those words would have burnt.
But now I'm afraid the silence could have hurt you.
I guess a boy who has never been kissed
Had no reason to believe he'd be missed
If he just disappeared.
he may have driven off the road
But it was the Devil himself who steered.
You told your Brother you loved me.
That is, If I'm
"The quiet girl in band merch
Who turns off the world with her headphones
She's just on a search
For lyrics
She cares not for the rhythm or tone.
But to lyrics,
She's addicted.
Her heart is sick
And They're the cheapest medicine
Love is so expensive"
Love is so expensive
That's right, you're brother told me you're secret last night.
He told me what you said.
Your secret really wasn't  safe with him
everything comes out when you're dead.
You should have told me you loved me.
We could have written our own song.
Now I always have my headphones on pretending you're not gone.
It's just pretend.
Once shaken to reality, I remember when we met.
the voice I read and think in
that sounds like no one I've ever met
I heard it come out of you're mouth.
That was it.
I was set.
Once shaken to reality I remember how you left.
******
You were ****** when you took you're last breath.
I never washed the blood off my clothes
It's proof, It shows me you were alive.
You weren't just another imaginary friend.
You were so very very real
It's hard to feel anything but numb
After I'm shaken to reality and realize It's the end.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn

I'm the song in the car
you have to turn up the volume to .  Because like some songs are meant to be played loud,
Some people are meant to be loved hard
Like a broken bottle's Glass shard  
broken pieces of my heart
puncture my soul
and rupture the parts of me
that are more soft grunge than rock n' roll.
and I no longer have control
of my feelings
so if you're  leaving,
take a little piece of me.
A lock of hair.
Tie it around your finger.
This isn't fair
For just a little while longer I'd love to linger.

Sorry We're Closed*
I hope you understand this isn't something I chose.
You knew My Heart's  business hours.
you used to come in and water the flowers.
My heart was always open back then.
It's been closed for some time now.
But I reopened it again,
today.
I wondered why you never came.
Now I'm wondering why I even invited you.
I'm sure you have more enticing invitations don't you?
All you ever did in here was break everything.
But, I wouldn't mind being broken by you.
come play my heart strings like your guitar.
could you play our song? I forgot who we are.
I know, you were hoping I'd believe you when you said you didn't know when My Heart was open.
But I wrote the business hours out on an advertisement.
Made it into a magnet and stuck it to your soul.
with my luck our magnetic field isn't as strong as it used to be.
Or you just simply forgot about me.
So this is the last time I'll call you open heartidly.
My heart's been closed a long time.
And now that I opened I had no customers
Even you didn't want to live here now that you live in hers.
But I can only have so many closing times before I have to shut down.
So I'm down on my knees begging you to come around.
Please...
You don't have to stay.
Just come in and visit me.
I'm sorry it's just my heart wasn't made for this vacancy.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn

she wasn't much, I barely noticed her.
She almost never talked, but was more of a listener.
she wasn't a head turner but was instead silently beautiful.
She was always pleasant and saw the glass as being half full.
She had eerie long eye lashes like spider webs.
And looked through them with half closed eyelids.
Oh, her sky blue powdered eyelids.
I wonder what she saw behind them.
Because, I know it was more then darkness.
Everything about her excreted light.
I always thought she was harmless.
She was a peacemaker, the first to back out of every fight.
But when you fall in love with her she doesn't provide a harness.
You'll fall hard, but she'll tell you everything will be alright.
And before she left me, I'd never seen a starless night.
She was no one to me, turns out what matters is who you think you are.
I guess in her own mind she knew she was my star.
And I should have known because everything about her excreted light.
She said were as free as birds.
But now I know where as free as Kites.
there's always stings attached.
I realize we weren't the ideal match.
But I hardly knew she was there.
Truthfully, she was the only one I found who even cared.
So I kept her around like a pet..
and so it went,
I never thought she was important.
My view of her was distorted.
She was just the scent in my bed sheets
And the lipstick stain on my cigarettes.
on my dashboard there are footprints.
And i thought 'that's all she is.'
but she was so much more.
she wasn't much..but she was my star.
we all are, stars.
Made of the same matter, both made of the same dust.
I thought we were nothing, i called this lust.
she wasn't as harmless as i thought.
I called her my safety net but I was just another fish in the sea who got caught. Maybe it wasn't lust.
I think
I love her
I think I love her a lot.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn

She introduced herself, as
Sunset.
Batted her lashes not to be flirtatious ,
But to hide that her eyes were wet.
All around me were blurred, but beautiful faces.
Yet, my eyes only focused on hers
The first that I noticed.

When I bought my first camera,
From that sales-man down in Alabama.
And he taught me how to use it,
He said, "see here son, if I was to take your picture I'd set this camera here on portrait.
But if I took a picture of that pretty little girl 'cross the road"
he said with a smirk
"I'd have to set this here camera on Firework"

It's funny how memories work.
I think of that man now, of his coffee colored skin and straw hat.
I never thought I'd need to know any of that.
but right here and now I set that camera to sunset.
raise it to my eye
And take a picture of
Sunset.
As if she were a colorful sky.
and that's it.
some people deserve more than a portrait.

And I know, I'm going to take her to a dark room.
And see what develops, of her negatives.
But first, I want to hear all about her crazy relatives.
Who gives her, her beauty?
where's she take her dog to groom?
The poodle on her leash is a cutie.
and what does she doodle on her notebooks?
stars or hearts or sugar skulls....
Does she know she's caught me on her fishin' hook?
What's she think of me, I'm sure I look dull.
Why are her teary eyes so full, About to overflow.
There were so many things I wanted to know....
before I took her to a dark room.
But it happened
And all I found in the picture that developed was gloom.
I realized I was her first.
And the best night of my life became my worst.
because I took something from her she didn't want to give.
But I just didn't know that she wouldn't want to live.
Keep reading, this ends beautifully.
beautifully like a sunset ends a day.
But, you have to believe me when I say that's not nearly as beautifully
As Sunset ends my hopes and dreams.
How she ended her own life
With pretty little pink pills.
One....Two....Three
gripped in her hand they found a picture of me.
And now I know, Sunsets are all about Beautiful Endings.
It's funny how memories work

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn

I'll tattoo ****** on your lips
That's what its like to kiss you.
the smell of death
lingers in my hair where your fingers ran
I don't understand.
why would you **** me with your empathy.
I know nobody cares for me.
the quieter it gets
the more voices I hear.
you had too many choices
And I think you made it clear.
I'm not what you wanted
I let you inside and you left my body haunted.
You taunted me with kisses.
You made me feel false love.
I know no one misses me.
I miss you though.
I'll just go, I'll leave you alone.
But I'll tattoo dead across my eye lids.
So they all know what you did.
I won't live for anyone but you.


© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn

I read a story about two lovers, one died in the others arms.
I can't even fathom.
But I imagine, It's something like when your heart broke while I held it in my hands.
No one Understands how I can compare the two.
But You're dead now, or at least a part of you.
Is six feet under the ground.
I listen to you talking
But the part of you i fell for never makes a sound.
Yet, people are offended I think I can relate to a story so tragic.
They just don't get it...we used to be magic.
no one understands, to me this is death.
Living without you, get's harder with each breath.
I know, you didn't mean any harm.
But this is the end.
And the saddest part is I didn't get to die in your arms.


© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn

Life, is a ticking time bomb.
with a very short fuse.
were all in it to win it.
But, were all just going to lose.
Death is inevitable.
We don't get to choose.
Death.
One day we will all reach our final breath.
So don't be upset if time ages you.
Were all dying.
If all men are created equal
Then all that matters is our own self-worth.
Death has been promised to us at birth.
It may be the only promise we don't live long enough to see break.
Because Death doesn't care whose life it going to take.
The hands of a clock are evil, and blind.
They don't mind if you're Old and feeble,
Or young and dumb but kind.
enjoy this year, we get so few.
Sooner than later, there will be no time left for you.
Because when the clock strikes that its' your time to go.
It's your time to go.
Clocks aren't self respecting.
They'll wait till you're least expecting.
Then it's hands will reach out to ****** you.
You can try to run but it's hands are destined to catch you
And strangle you lifeless when they do.
Everyone you know will become empty shells of themselves,
When your chest loses it's rise and fall.
But, death is inevitable, after all.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn

I never asked for this, never wanted it either.
I feel worse now than with any old fever.
I never wanted to fall for you.
except I never fell.
You pushed me
With the intention I'd fall through the floorboards and straight into hell.
But I fell in love instead.
and I'm not sure there's a difference.
I think Hell is something you carry on your shoulders and not a place you go to if that makes any sense.
And I'm tired of building my house on boulders because they move.
calling you my rock just gave you too much to prove.
.
.
.
And now I'm just sitting here at a traffic light.
They were made for our safety right?
Because I've had Red lights all the way and I think that's a sign, a message clearly saying S T O P.
But I tell myself it's fine
That it's a coincidence
You handed me a heart I said I'd try not to drop
but each time the light turns green I wince.
Because maybe, just maybe
theirs a meaning to these dead ends and detours
even hooks are hidden in lours.
I think that's what you are.
And I just can't get reeled in.
they say feelin' this is a sin.
I'm beginning to believe them but I refuse to let them win.
and maybe that's what this is all about now.
Maybe I'm confused or just forgot how to love.
but that red light's glowing above.
and I feel my heart drop in my chest.
I think I ought to return yours
we did our best
I did my best
But I think I need to S T O P.


© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn

Fresh red blood drips off of his sharp teeth.
Yet I think, Maybe he's still good underneath.
Bite marks on the necks of all of his exes.
Yet I think, perhaps he just know what good *** is.
Skin as pale as any white liar.
Yet, I fell in love with a ****** vampire.
send his venom through my veins.
My mind is higher than the feeling of pain.
His venom is my latest craze.
But one should know, a vampire never stays.


© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn

When I met you, you were wearing piggy tales and fairy wings.
outside with a magnifying glass held over a beetle you poked and prodded with your mothers sewing needle.
Trying to direct the sunlight through the glass.
you were so witty, clever and full of sass
I asked what you were doing and you said.
"I'm being a fairy. and making fireflies out of these boring black bugs that are nothing out of the ordinary."
You jumped back when the bug caught fire.
I'm not really sure which one of us jumped higher.
Your eyes were wide as the flame quickly died.
As did the bug.
I started to whimper like the cry baby I was.
You just stood up and gave me a hug.
You said
"It's alright, he's a firefly now. He'll be shining bright, flying around by night."
Like a fool, I believed your story.
After all, you were just a little girl.
And I a little boy.
What happened to you?
I miss your piggy tales
and your fairy wings.
I miss your chubby chipmunk cheeks.
now they're rosy and defined.
You tell me all the guys want you and I should consider myself lucky to call you mine.
What happened to you?
You used to collect rocks. Arranged them by which made the best chalk.
I helped you test them on the sidewalk.
We drew each other because you never liked hop scotch.
And you got mad when I drew you as black.
"What are you doing? I don't look like that"
you handed me a white rock and took away the piece of charcoal we got  from your grill.
"You may not see me like this now"
you said.
"But one day you will."
So I tried,
I tried with all my might but it was hard to draw you white.
You didn't act like them and I think you knew
What happened to you?
Remember the summer your skin tanned darker then my mom's?
You said it was the first time you felt like you belonged.
What happened to you?
But you said you didn't care about ethnicity.
You were part Rock and part Roll.
You told me so every time you turned the **** on the radio that made my ear drums blast.
You hummed along, driving to fast.
What happened to that?
once you found a mushroom and you popped it  revealing powder inside.
wide eyed, you popped one on me.
"Fairy Dust" you said happily.
and popped one on yourself.
"Let's be like this forever.
Lets never get old.
I wish I'd have agreed
I wish I hadn't been so cold.
What happened to you?
Yesterday, I saw you with another man
I guess you do it cuz you can.
It was a shock because I thought we were doing alright.
But he had big bucks, a nice car, and his skin was white.
I got out of my car and stepped into sight.
You said something to your new guy and walked towards me.
I tried not to cry.
I knew you wouldn't hug me this time.
Or tell me it's alright.
instead you said.
"You and I've tried everything. I'ts time I give you back your ring.
I'm sorry I'm not good enough.
I'm sorry I don't feel the love.
I'm sorry we couldn't make this work.
I'm sorry our kissing lost it's fireworks.
I'm sorry my eyes lost there spark.
I'm sorry that my skin's not dark.
I'm sorry for how I've made you feel
And I'm sorry Fairy Dust isn't  real.
But I'm not sorry if i lead you on.
Because you knew one day that I'd be gone."

What happened to us?
we should have never grown up.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn

In America the legal age to be considered an adult is eighteen.
And were all so excited when were EIGHTEEN AT LAST
But, some of us were already grown ups.
Some of us grew up too fast.
When you're a kid
you should spend the night in your bedroom, your very own place.
When you're a kid
You shouldn't be afraid of who might come in to your room or invade your "personal space"
When you're a kid
You should have friends by the dozens
When you're a kid
You should spend the night at your friends house or your cousin's.
When you're a kid
You shouldn't spend the night at hospitals.
When you're a kid
You should't know anything about popping pills
When your'e a kid
you shouldn't be worried about paying the bills
When you're a kid
You should be spending the night on your roof under the starts.
When you're a kid
You shouldn't make your own scars
When you're a kid
you don't have to know who you are
When you're a kid
You should be a kid
When you're a kid
You shouldn't be spending the night on the street.
When you're a kid
You shouldn't get rides from any of the strangers you meet
When you're a kid
You should spend the night in a tent on a camping trip
When you're a kid
You shouldn't drink alcohol, not even a sip
When you're a kid
You shouldn't spend the night in jail
When you're a kid
You shouldn't need friends
just to pay your bail
When your a kid
You should spend the night somewhere safe
When you're an adult
you should raise
kids to be kids.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn

He called you his Soul Mate.
    But, you went and sold your Soul.
    He wanted you to be his Wife.
           But, you wouldn't play the roll......
      
   You gave him a child.
      She was his heart outside his chest
       She looks just like him.
     I hope that haunts you when you wrest.

  why did you do it?
              
You

                                       

                      ­              S T O L E


                    
his
                                                                ­                                   
                             ­                                                     heart.

            And took her with you when you left.


              © copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn