Welcome to my mind
You're getting a sneak peak
A preview, if you will
Of the twisted metal statue
That is my mind
I'm warning you now
I keep music on
To drown my own my thoughts
I try to avoid my own mind
so you probably should too...

I can feel my sanity draining
Leaking from my ears
So I keep headphones in
To try to stop the flow
But it still drains out slowly
With thoughts like
i know he's just using me
But I'll deal with it, because,
Clearly I'm a ******* idiot

Maybe I do love him, who knows?
The *** is amazing though
He doesn't know that,
Even before he tried to say
no strings attached
I was already tangled up
As I have been

How little he knows about his pretty little toy
Not that he needs to know much
It's insanely easy for him to get to me
he doesn't even know you write...
And still manages to know my weakness

I'll do almost anything to get out of my house
Which is how I ended up staying at his anyway
The things I ended up doing
In an attempt to get away from mother
Still swirl around in my mind
Some of them making me blush
Others, making me want more
Even though I said
this will be the last time
I highly doubt it will
But it will be for awhile at least...
Because of that new girl
I'll be waiting for her to pass
His latest conquest
can never be as good as you are

I don't know how to handle love
Or hatred, grief, depression
But ***? I have mastered that
I mastered that long ago
At a way to early age
he doesn't know about that either...
Doesn't know it wasn't willing
Doesn't know the subject of the nightmare
That woke us both up at 3 in the morning
And initiated another round  
Doesn't know the reason I didn't take my turn
In the handcuffs, I just said
it causes panic attacks..
But didn't elaborate past that
Didn't show him the scars
Still on my wrist
From my mothers boyfriends handcuffs
Didn't tell him they've been there
For nearly 7 years
*has it really been that long...?

I can't shake it off
I have too much in me
Too much love
And I have nowhere
Nowhere to give it
Please God
Please let him exist
I pray for him daily
I love him already
Please love him
Please let him be gentle
Let him be understanding
Let him be kind
Let him be smarter than I
Let him be a leader
Make him a "no" man
Because we both know
I'd use a "yes" man
(On accident)
Please please please
God
Please
I beg of you
Either take these feelings
Relieve me of them
Or please...
Bring him to me
And please...
Let it be soon...
You see my heart
You see my hurt
You see all the love
You put inside me
You know me
You know how badly..
How utterly badly...
I desire this
I love you, Lord.
I love you so much.
If it be your will..
Let me love you
Through a man.

There is a blood clot in the center of Imagination Street,
I can feel it.
It blocks the path that follows through Creative Avenue
where cars horn, roar and protest, curse and smother with
a simple look of “Move the **** on!”
And yet no paramedic can remove the jumper that
lays from austere insipid life.
It's a victim of routine they say, jumped from the nearest skyscraper
hoping to touch the sky but fell miserably on to the streets.
There is an aberration stretched over the streets, I can feel it
because it's me.

~~~♥~~~

Bothers and sisters
Have you noticed a lack
Of the happy mention
Of the place that attracts
The lost and hurting ones
Who live here below...
Why not talk of heaven
God's gift to bestow...?

-chorus-
Why not talk of heaven?
The place where we're bound
If we can be faithful
In this place on the ground?
Why not tell of paradise
The bliss of above?
With perfect joy
With perfect peace
With perfect love

There are so many preachers
Who tell us of hell
They will berate us
Of how we can fall
They preach it long and hot
As time would allow...

Don't they know that most of us
Are living it now?

-chorus-

Heaven's not a concept
It's really a place
Where colors dance
And flowers sing
With angelic grace
No eye has seen nor ear heard
The wonders that wait...

Best of all there's Jesus
So beautiful and great...!

-chorus-


SoulSurvivor
Catherine Jarvis
(C) October 5, 2014

I saw you but a glimpse
a distance in the night
we once were so right ...

It was another hidden day
as my restless mind wandered
in dreams of you ...

Your velvet kiss was there
your fingertips down my back
your heated gaze singeing ...

Lovers soot upon my skin
a forbidden, sweet, nonsensical
magical sin ...

My wanting overwhelms me
remembering our secret,
clandestine day dream ...

You my desperate addition,
tears my conscience to shreds
can you hear me screaming ...

There you were in my hidden day
you saw my tears and you turned away
why can't I have you, my hidden love ...

When I close my eyes, there you are
just like before
in my hidden days ...

Debbie Brooks 2014

I walk this dismal dark and damp dungeon
  Long dark the phantom am i;
Strolling I now take icy breaths;
  Mystery lies within my realm;
Far faint foot echoes announce my impending doom
  I embark upon my midnight
Echoeing chamber room
  It's chains that puppeted victims that had
Screamed for their end and at last,
  I had giggled laughed and touched their quivering chest
And felt their fading warmth
  Then into oblivion casted they were by me

This dark stone its chilling floor
  Where rodents squeek and scurry about,
My only pets and friends I know

Suddenly I hear as HEAVY VOICES of my approaching DOOM
  POUNDING FISTS and swinging logs against my dungeon door and room

I curse the empending light by
Their torches casting beams
Bound from hell and its slithering horrid beam fingers
  Under my dungeon door

I curse my end by angered pounding fists
  Hell bound to see my end to be

What cursed blackened night just lies
  A distant short,
A breathless world my oblivian beckons me by hounds
  Of DOOM,
My parts be scattered h e l t e r  s k e l t e r
  My inners thrown upon old wooden beams above

Soon i will leave this loveless world i made,
  i foretell and kiss only an empty space goodbye,  
Waiting first ****** deep within my flesh to be