My life was fine and I was happy
And then you showed up
And everything went abrupt

You made me laugh until my face went numb
My problems you held like a forceful gun
I soon discovered an emotion I'd never felt
And you ripped it away from my fragile heart

My eyes once glowed like the stars beaming bright
But now they're filled with the sea spilling out
It's true you listened and that is no doubt
But you showed no remorse and simply threw me about

For so long I clung to you, scared of the world around
And now I'm sitting in my room unable to move about
In fear of being alone

I thought I was broke
And you would make me whole
But I didn't realize you tore me one by one
Into pieces I lost, long ago with my smile

I cried every day
And forced you to keep me together
But little did I know that you couldn't find me either
Gave up on my life and lusted for me rather

I thought that it was love
But it was too late when I found out
That you were the one to hide my pieces
And wrote love on each end
To make me think that it was okay to be used over and over again

I coloured my world today
my hands smeared in pastels
canary yellows
ripe peaches and cardinal ochres
pink from a flamingo sunrise
a passionate cerise

Splashed
an array of feisty blues
a flamboyant turquoise
a topaz tango
a twinkling periwinkle

Streaked it with
beams of gold
contoured lilac smudges
lavender tipped edges
in custard pineapple floats

Splattered emeralds, toned pistachio
fern greens with swift finger strokes.

Tempered it with
muddy crusty earthy browns
rock coloured sandy mounds
reined in royal purple
the sensual blaze of a flaming sunset
the dark indigo of a gloaming sky
agate drops a few
a silver sliver of a crescent new

I coloured my world
with my eyes
my fingers,hands
my hues
....the way I wanted to

let's say,
just for kicks...
that when you walk in
your front door,
your cat is lying
next to a dead rat,
looking up at you proudly.

is the appropriate response,
to scoop up said rat
with two paper plates,
then fling it off the front porch?

just wondering.

i woke up
this morning
with this awful
pain
   behind my
left eye.
a throb.
an ache.
and it felt best
to curl up
        on my left side and
close my eyes
in the dark
and drift back to sleep.

now it is night,
and it's still there,
but worse.
a heaviness between
my eyes
pushing forward
and downward.
it helps to
push into it,
stay still.

i feel this
exhaustion in my face,
my eyes.
they want to close.

i know i'm
looking at the
same world,
but now it
seems different.
     shifted.
        and i don't understand
how i get lost
   in these delusions.
i don't understand
how anyone can
    possibly believe
that they
    see clearly.
       because it is not so.
          your eyes deceive you.

i was screaming,
right out loud,
as loud
as i could.

crying for
my gramma,
because she
is gone,
and she is
someone that
i loved.

and as
i was screaming
her name,
my phone lit up,
vibrated,
and made a sound.

it was my sister.
and at that moment
my little ham,
my own little nephew,
blood of my blood
had realized
that he was
going to
die
someday.

and now i
can't breathe,
for the absolute
severing of my heart.

it's hard to admit,
but i think
we only do
what we want to do,
and nothing else.

.
she stood barefooted
and feeling so beautiful
staring out
the frosty
daybreak window
          
visible breath ,
enslaved by a kiss ,
a clouded waft
exhaled
between chapped lips ,  
as smeared tracks
of dripping freshwater pearls
slide down the little pane glass

             the downward trickles
             stirring tingling goose bumps ,
             pushing out
             blossoming
             fighting gravity ,    
             as the chilled air spills
             upon
             sleepy toes
             and naked smiles 
           
             enigmatic eyes
             penetrate through
             the beclouding
             sighs released
            
passion wanes gently
with night’s fleeting shadows ,
the sandman still lingering ,  
yet gazing shamelessly
at intimate breaths visible rouse
        
starry eyes recycling blind hope
like the lightly arising steam ;
      
             the glistening
             frost heave’s sparkle
             just outside the window ,
             where the dawning light
             a single morning sunbeam ,
             enkindles a renewed shine

                         aglow 
             
             tantalizing
             untamed diamonds
             burgeon like splendor
             faceted dreams ...


                         *Wild is the Wind

I guess I was too slow
I guess I'm too late
at the time, didn't care
I guess I wasn't awake
a dream, a fading reality
it passes with sleep
memories forever
moments you can't keep

Cold rain falls
Patters on my head
I look to the sky
My eyes turn red
Flickering pupils
Dilated so wide
I tear off my shirt
Embracing skies tide
I open my mouth
To catch some raindrops
Tasteless liquids
Nothing makes the pain stop
Collected water boils inside
My mouth once dry
It's now a simmering ***
The demons inside me
Make everything hot

Deep inhalation of fresh air
I understand why I'm here now
I'm no longer scared
Steam streams out of my body
My hands are on fire, my lips tingle
I look to my left, a lamppost glows
I turn to my right I see people mingle
Outside a late night cafe, their life simple
A bus stop ahead with two people there
A man and woman, he touches her hair

I place the palm of my hand on the lampost
Just to lean and wonder how I'm here
The shade bursts and sparks fly
The woman at the bus stop screams
"Nooo I don't want to dieeee"
As the fluorescent lights fizzle and pop
The man she's with falls to his knees
Grasps his head "no please make it stop"
The small group of people freeze
Outside the cafe they violently fit
I don't know what's happening
I assume it is me doing this
I try to let go of the lamppost beside me
Pulling my arm with the other hand

I finally break free
I too now fall to my knees
Getting up is hard
My joints creek
With mechanical movements
I go over to see
The couple at the bus stop
The girl lays on the floor now
I shake her but she is surely dead
Her eyeballs have melted to red goo
The man still firmly grasping his head
Looking at him I don't know what to do
He chants repeatedly in words unheard

The people outside the restaurant
They're all still fitting
People are with them now from inside
I step backwards in to the bus shelter
Fear surges through me again
My conscious spirals a helter-skelter
Trying to hide from the people outside
Hearing sirens now my eyes dilated wide
I'm clueless as to what has happened
Panicking I run past the lamppost
Glancing at it as I pass
A dark black hand print is melted in

I can't study
What I want to
Because I have no money
My course
Isn't eligible
For government loans
I can't get a loan
From my bank
Of nearly six years
Because I'm self employed
I write this
In a futile attempt
To stop me from crying
As I
Curse my working class
Background and
**** my underprivileged past

No place
No future
No place
No future
No place
No future
No place
No future
No place
No future
No place
No future
No place
No future
No place
No future
No place
No future
No place
No future
No place
No future
No place
No future
No place
No future
No place
No future
No place
No future
No place
No future
No place
No future
No place
No future
No future
No future