Music helps me forget,
Writing helps me remember,
I am nothing and everything at the same time
I am indestructible.

Music is my escape;
I am only truly free when I compose
The only time I ignore the world around me
The only time my feelings cannot be controlled.
It is the only time they pour out of my heart and straight into my fingers as they glide and crash against the beautiful keys of my piano.
It is the only time I  exaggerate my wins and fully revel in my joy.
Music is my escape and without it, I am nothing.

Writing is my cage;
I am only truly aware when I write poems
The only time I delve deeper into the world around me
The only time my feelings cannot be repressed.
It is the only time they pour out of my heart and straight into my fingers as they rush across paper, my pen scratching furiously.
It is the only time I drown in my sorrow and fully relish my pain,
Writing is my cage and with it, I am everything.

I am nothing and everything at the same time
I am indestructible.

I am the same
The same as any other sixteen year old girl,
Subject to questioning glances and stereotypes,
Being controlled by expectations and society,
Taking and shaping my life, as if I were a mere puppet in the hands of a master
My actions are no longer my own; I conform to the status quo.

~ a poem : part 2

I stepped outside
Into the bitter cold,
Tiny droplets of rain whispering across my skin

I looked up
Into the abyss above,
Inky clouds gathered in a tight knot

I smirked slightly
Into the frozen night,
Shouting "Is that the best you can do?"

The universe was scorned
Hell hath no fury akin to it,
Unleashed upon me was the wrath of the cosmos

The droplets turned into hail
Ice and rain dancing ferociously,
Seeping into me and freezing my soul

The thunder rumbled,
Running riot across the sky,
Lightning cracking and cackling

I gasped, sinking
into the wet grass
Knees covered in mud, cheeks covered in tears

I pleaded, praying
into the howling wind,
"I'm so sorry, please, stop I am sorry"

I collapsed, falling
into a puddle of water and silt,
Trembling with fear and awe

The universe was content
Hell had done its job,
Unleashed its demons, scaring me into oblivion

The rain ceased
The lightning disappeared,
The night was now still and calm

I opened my eyes,
A network of stars draped across the ebony night
Twinkling and shining, smiling down at me, victorious

I smirked slightly
Into the frozen night,
Shouting "Now this is the best you can do"

I am different
With the wind in my hair like I just don’t care,
With my own opinions, thoughts and tastes,
The world revolving, evolving around me;
Chaos filling the space words were entitled to.

~ a poem: part 1

What will happen if I stop trying,
When I give up and start crying
Will there be someone who feels the same way,
Who will understand things I can’t say?

What will happen if I stop caring,
When I lose all hope and stop daring
Will someone help me pull myself together,
And tell me I can’t be like this forever?

What will happen if I stop feeling,
When emotions float through the ceiling
Will there be someone with a gentle touch,
Who reminds me that without love, I am not much?

What will happen if I stop breathing,
When life itself acquires its meaning
Will there be someone who remembers me,
Who feels my presence in places others can’t see?

What will happen when I stop being so pessimistic,
When I lock up all this negativity and become realistic
When I appreciate the beauty around me everyday,
And realise life shouldn’t be lived any other way.

What will happen when I start smiling,
When I understand that every cloud has a silver lining
When I don’t need someone to tell me who I am,
When I can be independent and not be defined by a man.

This will happen when I start living,
When I stop blaming myself and start forgiving
When I will finally be able to see
What happens when I am different, when I am me.