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 Apr 2016 Nathan Pival
Pia
Sexism
 Apr 2016 Nathan Pival
Pia
Everything in the world
is about *** except ***.
I don't know what is your question
But my answer is ***
As I left work that night and started heading home
On foot, as I always do
Unbeknownst to me
Something was lurking from within my deepest cores

It made itself known
After I had passed the point of no return
It started subtle and increased in intensity

A beast inside that I had contained for so long
Was trying to make it's way out

The harsh reality of this circumstance hit me hard
Sweat pouring down my brow
I picked up the pace
I just need to make it home!
This cannot happen right now!!
No no NO!!!

Keep going
Don't stop
Don't turn back

Will I make it?
Is this really happening?
I understood that this was all my fault
I should have known better but I did it anyways
Although I didn't realize it at the time,
Reality would bring me to this very point

Either an act of a higher power
Or unused karma come to save the day
I made it home with the beast still contained

The reality of eating too much spicy food and having to **** was real
I almost didn't make it
Fire. Orange flames waving towards the sky
with blue bellies and a hunger for havoc.

Split foot bottoms sprint, infinitely unable
to stop the annihilation swallowing whole
stained, splintered floorboards
that held sand-speckled toes,
extending high,
as embraced but separate never-lovers
kept thoughts of together
in the sky.

Gravel flickering from under heels;
might as well bounce into a void:
a place happy in its tornado-time.
Where sounds escape, return home;
abstract assurance: kind of alone.

White siding peels off
like a smoldering fingernail.
The roof holding heat
like the lid a *** kisses.

Her head halts,
with an ash blonde swoop
flailing by.
Staring and learning
the world is a skeleton dream.

Never knowing when it started.
Never knowing why.
I am slowly
beginning
to realize
that to love
can be easy,
but also very
difficult.
It can be
innate,
and sometimes
it must be learned.
It can be
as a well-mothered
baby
and also
be orphaned.
It can be oppressed,
and it can be
welcomed.
It can be hoped for,
and its flame
can also be
smothered
with doubt.
If
you have the strength
and courage
you may
trust
in its donor,
even as a small child
blindly puts its
faith
and hope
into the hands of a
kindly stranger.
Initially, it is
seed like,
and how it is nurtured
depends
on you...
whether you wish it
to reach
its maturity
in the form of
a dandelion....
or
a rose....

cj 1971
Did you ever hear about ******* Lil?
She lived in ******* town on ******* hill,
She had a ******* dog and a ******* cat,
They fought all night with a ******* rat.

She had ******* hair on her ******* head.
She had a ******* dress that was poppy red:
She wore a snowbird hat and sleigh-riding clothes,
On her coat she wore a crimson, ******* rose.

Big gold chariots on the Milky Way,
Snakes and elephants silver and gray.
Oh the ******* blues they make me sad,
Oh the ******* blues make me feel bad.

Lil went to a snow party one cold night,
And the way she sniffed was sure a fright.
There was Hophead Mag with ***** Slim,
Kankakee Liz and Yen Shee Jim.

There was Morphine Sue and the Poppy Face Kid,
Climbed up snow ladders and down they skid;
There was the Stepladder Kit, a good six feet,
And the Sleigh-riding Sister who were hard to beat.

Along in the morning about half past three
They were all lit up like a Christmas tree;
Lil got home and started for bed,
Took another sniff and it knocked her dead.

They laid her out in her ******* clothes:
She wore a snowbird hat with a crimson rose;
On her headstone you’ll find this refrain:
She died as she lived, sniffing *******
Where are you?
I am here my love
and I'm not leaving
it's so quiet
I can't hear you
I wont leave you to the silence
I won't leave you
I am here
where am I?
You are here with me
let me take you home
I won't leave you to fight this battle alone
I will fight with you
I have to go
No.. don't go into the silence with out me
Take me with you
Don't go in to the silence alone
I will bring you home
Don't leave me..
My love
I'm not leaving you
for the demons to feast
Where am I ?
Can you hear me?
I am here
I am here
I am strong enough for us both
I will carry you
just let me take your hand
and I will take you home
I'm frightened
my sweet child
my broken child
lost in the wilderness
I will find you
I am here
I can't seem to find
my way home
just open your eyes my love
look and see
I will save you
I promise
But how can you save me?
Because that's all I know how to do
I will bare the silence
and the raging noise
I will take your place
I will take your place
Please find me
*.. I am lost

I know you are lost
but I will find you
Please
my child
my love
please take my hand
let me take you home
Children with anxiety and depression
sometimes can't find their way 'home.'
You have to show them the way.
 Apr 2016 Nathan Pival
A
My heart
Is a happy drunk
A little too open
A little too optimistic
It's over in the corner of the bar
Playing poker
Screaming at the top of it's lungs
I'M ALL IN
When it's never
To this day
Had a winning hand

My heart
Is a sad drunk
A little too lonely
A little too caught up in tears
It's over at the counter
Forcing the bartender to take its keys
Because it would rather not go home
Than go home alone again

My heart
Is a reckless drunk
A little too unbalanced
A little too impaired
It's over by the door
Making everyone nervous
A little too good at scaring people away
A little too far gone

Like you
A little too far gone
Turn your head
Shuffle away and pretend you don't notice
The breakdown of a heart
Too drunk on feelings
To know when to stop
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