Shattered souls.
Shattered hearts.
Prayers that sunk into the earth, when I uttered those words on my knees at dusk.
Endless hours...of begging and pleading with fate.
Fate: 1. a prophetic declaration of what must be.
Death:  1. extinction; destruction: It will mean the death of our hopes.
Attempting to resurrect the shambles of the outcome of what was meant to crumble.

Waking up stronger than the day before, every time the sun rises and allowing life to entrench my soul and flourish.
Content with the past buried, never feeling the need to breathe hope into it.
Salving the wounds into beautiful memories and speaking life into what lies ahead.

We didn't lose each other, we gave up.
Mostly out of selfishness, anger the vein that pumped the rage into explosion.

Laying the crippling words to rest and forgiving all that is attached to it.

Freedom, the joy of letting go...has taken ages off of my already old soul.

Goodbye.

I am a writer.

One who can close myself away into a small dimly lit space and gush life onto an insubstantial substance of fibrous material..in hopes that once finished..reads of something that makes sense and releases a tad of this confined fury..that whirls in my ever churning mind.

I am a Dreamer.

A human born into disparaging circumstances, that grasped for anything tangible, as early as I can possibly recollect. With a never ending desire to find truth and love beyond the abuse that I endured throughout all of my childhood..Determined to view life..clear of the filters embedded over my eyes, attempting to force my mind to function through the inherited dysfunction.

I am a Lover.

Believing in a Love so genuine, that it literally heals all human afflictions .
Investing in a hope in all things soulful and lucid.
Craving to Love free of the bounds thought fathomable, truly devoting to other souls..the most valuable asset - Time - and desirous to Lead with Love in every moment.

I am a Writer.

What does it mean to love "scarred". I thought as I sat there running my fingers across the keys of the black keyboard, the letters in white standing still and unmovable atop the glossy charcoal plastic.
Entering data onto the screen..thinking about the facts and details listed into my story.
My mind wandered from the task at hand..I pictured myself...calm in demeanor...raging inside to unleash the fury, fervor and forgiveness of the untold story boiling within.
Tucked away in shades of tall lustrous trees, behind the walls of a small charmingly cozy cabin, emptying the madness of words to create- My Story-in ink.
The one reason I've been given breath and sensation to envision beyond the factitious boundaries that surround these hands and feet.
Loving despite the afflictions that seemingly forever tore at my heart, is quite possibly one of the greatest types of Love.
Constructing within me the ability to Hopefully...Master compassion.
Loving scarred. Loving despite pain, loving with wreckage still in the heart, loving with the stains of tears etched in the skin, loving having the knowledge of love and loss.
Perhaps..this is the best form of Love.
Rather than wishing these away, soaking them in..allowing the forming of the heart to take place.
Love, whether blemished, disfigured or flawed..
is the one source of human capability to fully heal.

Death.
I remember sitting in that room. Feeling as if the walls were going to close in around me.
That space and lapse between the ticking of the hand of the clock..from one second to the other. To the expanding of her lungs..the breaths that grew shorter and the flailing and fight of the body..begging for one more breath..as if in a fist fight with the arms of the clock..to reverse time.
Laying here, with my phone in hand..in the dark at 4:00 a.m., the backlight of the screen blaring in my eyes as I breath between sentences..ponder these memories and the plethora of thoughts and watch the cursor pulse.. as I lay one word in front of the other.
Time..is running out. Passing, even as I space these letters of the alphabet, strategically across this screen.
Love.
Reminiscing on my Mothers life and painful, agonizing passing, springs my mind and heart into action..to Love harder, live fuller and leave some sort of legacy to my children.
The one thing that she lived and taught, through the..sometimes disastrous way that she lived..was unconditional Love. There wasn't a word that passed through my lips that would cause her, to ever not love me. She was real, down to earth, tough as nails and lived through a life of surreal pain that most people couldn't even fathom.
Faith.
Fate has a way of stealing our blueprint for our life and rewriting it.
The immense, seemingly unbearable pains that come with growing and picking yourself up from one obvious failure to the next and the self doubt, confusion and hopelessness it's wrapped in, disguises itself as enough to "throw the towel in" on this life stuff.
Until the fight, stemming from faith in all things soulful arises and ignites your will to keep functioning and you pry yourself off of your pillow and try to remember that you're on borrowed time.
Purpose.
The problem with overthinking everything is that nagging, never ending thought that needs to find the reasoning behind everything..especially when it comes to those gory details and secrets about your life that nobody knows about..(or is that just my life?) Sometimes life just simply ***** and you'll never know why. As long as you can lighten up and laugh about it, you'll keep yourself out of the 51/50 category and keep on truckin', just a little stronger than before. Pull the "good" out of every wretched fragment of your story and use it to broaden your perspective and become more accepting of the people around you.

As I come to the end of this spillage of my soul onto paper, in hopes that I can dwindle down the twisting of my thoughts enough to rest..I hope that I encouraged at least one person to live deeper and love fuller, allowing all things good to stretch beyond your circumstance and be an inspiration to someone struggling.
Lead with Love.

Those days, when the ache stuffed away under the laughs and small talk, smiles and cheerful chatter, starts to surface and you beg for it to go away, but that tightening in your throat seems to get stronger..constricting your breathing..sending your mind into a whirlwind and everything around you feels shaky.
Those days..
I know you can relate, if you couldn't, that first paragraph wouldn't have swallowed you whole when you read it.
Your heart feels so worn thin, that any small daily mishap brings you to tears.
Crying it out, until your emptied of the lull of life's pains, letting the salt just pour from your eyes and gush..let it well and burst as many times as need be..fall into the emotion until you force your heart to heal.
Pray...utter those words as if it were your last chance at taking another breath..drown out the forceful negativity that seems to devour you whole..allowing the love to suture you back together again and even though broken, so beautifully stitched and woven from purposeful pain and sleepless nights..paths that seemed to have no end and lives seemingly torn apart.
There's truth to the statement: Time heals all wounds.
After every eruption of the heart and continuous attempts to piece it back together..
The heart is formed again, just taking another shape .

Im convinced, that the most powerful force on earth is Love.

Love. I fell in love with life.
Given the opportunity to open my eyes to a sunrise across a white sandy beach. Beaming rays rising, lifting my heart from the ache that devoured it these last few years. Love. I fell in love with the rain that fell upon my face as I danced with a stranger in the streets at nightfall..washing away the age I carried after my last heartbreak. Love. I fell in love with laughter as I allowed myself to wholeheartedly laugh from the belly and simply let go..being fully present with the smiles surrounding me and falling into the freedom of acceptance..
Love. I fell in Love with God again... as I soaked up all of the beauty that surrounded me...feeling the fabrication of each of these moments.."meant to prosper and not harm"
As I let go of the guilt of life's stumbling blocks.
Love. There's simply nothing..like authentic, genuine, pure, honest, real, absolute love.
It Heals, holds, lifts and reconstructs the heart, instills hope in the hopeless, fills the gaps where life's afflictions wear deep, and creates a warm invite of compassionate approval and a kindness so generous...it literally revives the Soul