Nothing in my life ever lasts
but I need you to
because I didn't even know
what home felt like
until you fell asleep in my arms.
I can see entire galaxies
inside of your eyes
and they're swallowing me whole
but I won't fight it
because you make me feel
like an astronaut.
I want to get lost
in the constellations
that you are made up of.

you tore me away from reality
with simple sentences
and idiotic jokes

you made me forget
everything

I didn't know what to think

or what to do with myself.

I guess I just ended up becoming yours.

now you've broken
everything

you've broken everything and you expect me to pick up the pieces

I will
I can guarantee that

but I can't guarantee that I will find all of the pieces

some will be lost,

maybe even broken smaller.  

some will have been stolen,

by nightly visits or maybe
close relatives

and I know we might be able to get them back but

I don't want to scrape my hands picking up the glass that you broke

I don't want to work for something and go against people while you're sitting in your high chair waiting for some gratification

I don't want my blood all over your floor
when I know you're not even going to help

I don't want to feel
guilty
or vulnerable
when we talk

but I guess that's how it goes

because humans have needs that need to be fulfilled

no matter how hard it is for someone else to fulfil it for them.

you hand me my body back.
it is naked
and you have written “i wish
i could”
on my chest in red lipstick
emotionless, and limp
you leave me on the steps.
i always seem to ruin things

Here you are
somehow breaking my heart again-
this time
in a different way,
by betraying your own body
trading self- righteousness for substance

you are a Noah,
you are brave
in a way that I have never seen in any boy before
baby,
I see constellations that fill more than mason jars
in your mind
your fingertips drool with dreams
and your eyes are large in love with life itself
and you let these people steal your stars
like thieves
that cannot seem to come up with a better escape route

I know her hands look like exit signs,
and her hips make you forget all the times
your father called you less than a man
but your laugh still sounds like
a plea
for peace,

i know you are more
simple
and it breaks my heart
i promise you it does
to watch you
get less than what you deserve
out of this world--
step back Noah,
look at the ark you built
the floods of God
left you untouched and holy
let your pure light shine
because I cannot stand by any longer
to see it dimmed

Your name burns
at the base of my stomach,
it tastes like flames
when I say it
but I continue to swallow,
big gulps
that drown out the ringing in my ears

I wonder what it would have felt like
to kiss your lips,
taste the fire in your heart
blood red lust
like innocence dressed in her mother’s lipstick
to trace the outline of your freckles
on soft uncharted skin,
I wonder what it would have felt like
to be your cartographer
to sail the high seas in your iris
and find sand in between my toes
after every visit

I keep imagining the things I would say
if we had met at a different time
I could have started by throwing matches
into your puddles,
and noticing how you smile like sunlight
glinting of the ocean

you are across the world
exploring,
mapping your own skin
and sailing with a crew called options,
they beckon your name
and make you forget that our hands ever brushed,
that we ever exchanged smiles
like two preschoolers
making engagement rings out of fruit loops,
you’re standing tall and brave
shrouded in the peace of letting go
while, I,
wait at the port
for you to return
knowing at the base of my stomach
that you will pass me by on your way home.
“land, **!” means refusing to
acknowledge my tedious “hello”
you will step on my apologies
like the creaky old boards of a ship,
and I will become the tide
lapping at your bare feet

I’m typing to you my confession.
as you read,
I hope you imagine the quiver in my voice
when I say your name
and you’ll picture me eyes cast downward,
stomach twirling
hair flying in all directions,
let’s imagine I’m telling you this on the streets of New York
since we always talked about living there,
and hopefully you’ll imagine me in red lipstick
and with my hair curled
because that’s always when I feel the most confident.
what I’m
trying
to tell
you is
you’re my Northern Lights.
a strange, nebulous wonder
that enchants every cell in my body,
I cannot figure you out
no matter how close I think I am to solving your endless mystery,
and I want to spend my nights
wrapped in your arms
looking into your eyes
and softly whispering my words into your ears...

LET’S LISTEN TO THE BLACK KEYS TOGETHER
LET’S WANDER THE STREETS
AND PRAY THAT WE DON’T GET SHOT
I have always swallowed your bullets.
the most deadly one is when
you tell me about her,
your Northern Lights girl
who doesn't need red lipstick to feel beautiful.

and i think that’s the saddest line of poetry I have ever written

falling in love with you has always
been subway stations,
it has been falling through cracks
and braving alley-ways
there’s not enough story lines in the New York Times
to make us
dance in the streets together,
drunkenly in love with one another
at last
and i need to stop picturing
your face whenever i hear the phrase “meant to be”

Here is me,
tears dripping,
lips quaking,
walking away from your figure
and praying
that darkness
won’t lead me back.

there are no tall oak trees
or gray rainy days to distract from
people,
just flashing smiles
and intertwined fingers
dancing in warmth.
sunshine souls made honest by the heat,
I want to spend my summertime
absorbing so much Vitamin D
that you can swallow me
like your morning pill.