.

With a brilliant moonbeam

as our spotlight
and the stars our audience

we kissed passionately

listening as our
heartbeats became

our applause

Life is never a structured path that is well lit and fenced in. Life is not a road. Life is the wilderness that we are all crawling around in, blind, ignorant, and hopeful. You are not guaranteed to succeed, but if you are still alive you still get to be a part of something messy, strange, and beautiful. We all came from somewhere and took steps forward. The steps don't have to have shoes, don't have to be steady, and they don't have to miss all the puddles.

I can't write
there is to much noise
kids are playing
with their toys

dog is barking
chasing the cat
wife is asking
do I look fat?

phone is ringing
someone at the door
some kind of puddle
on the floor

a little quiet
and some peace
need a bit of
literary release

grab my book
close the door
sit in the corner
on the floor

pen to paper
I start to write
I don't care
if it takes all night

putting thoughts
into written word
gives me the freedom
of a bird

soaring high
up in the sky
words flowing
I start to cry

writing has been
such a gift
hope my words
give you a lift

in a room full of my friends
and yet
i am all alone
and  i am so tired of feeling this way
this constant sense of inadequacy
constant need to prove my worth
**** it
i don't owe you anything
i don't owe you an explanation
i don't owe you evidence of how 'cool' i am
******* for thinking that way and honestly just *******
I'm tired of caring so much for people who can't even summon up a **** to give about me.
i am just so tired and exhausted of this constant marathon that is school and the constant race to be the most popular or the hottest or the smartest
i don't even care if my crush likes me back
i just want to be free from expectations and worries
free to live life the way i want to without fear of judgement and just free
from you.

you did not see me crumblin
                                                    g
under the weight of my thoughts
you did not see the tear slip down,
rolling down my cheek

maybe you did not care.
maybe i'm tired of always being the second choice
maybe i want to feel important and loved and worthy
and maybe you can't do that for me
and maybe that's okay
i've lived my entire life like this,
what's a while more?

thank you for being there during all the good times,
they were few and far in between but
you were there i guess.
you were always there.

just never when i needed you most

i could write about
a lot of things
like my day
or how the pavement
looks when it
rains slightly.

or how the parking lot
feels when it's full
of cars and void of people
or how i feel when i'm
surrounded and
afraid.

how i'm angry and
insecure and
i don't owe anyone
anything
not my friends
not enemies
or elders
not an apology
or a single
**** explanation.

but i think i'll just
forget about the
whole thing and
write about death
or something
nice like that
after all it would
weight less on me
then the words
on my fingertips.

i had assumed
that i was done
struggling with
all that identity crap
but now i've concluded
that everything we ever
fight is a battle for
our own lives.

and it's odd
to think that i can
have such a strong
sense of myself and yet
my personality can
be so unlike that self.

there are more layers
to a parking lot than
what you might
first expect.

i suppose at one point
there were grass
and trees and pure
unadulterated dirt
and then somebody
leveled it
maybe added a coating
of gravel and
paved over it and
put some vehicles on top.

but that doesn't mean the
layers aren't still there
under the asphalt
i mean.

and that's what i'm saying
is that i've got something
under the pavement
i just can't get the cars
to move out for long enough
to tear up the layers.

i feel other people's wheel marks
burned into my skin
and the signs and lines
that proclaim no parking
have been vandalized and
ignored for too long.

how do you tell a parking lot to stop
without looking crazy?

and there lies the
exact problem
i care
too much
what people think
i look like
and i don't mind if they
think i'm insane
but i mind if they don't
like me
there's a big
difference you know.

and there goes
another piece
falling into place
and the
puzzle not
yet completed.