Sometimes Dreams die..

Sometimes the fantasies that you create in your mind go to war with reality. And reality wins.

Sometimes the dreams that are fabricated in your thoughts are really just safe, soft places to escape to and can never be made to be tangible.

Sometimes there are forces that halt these selfish desires to hold you out for far more than you imagined.

Sometimes life does you favors, when you think it's sabotaging your dreams and you wake up to realize..that it was all destiny.

In times of crisis or trouble
I’m the one that keeps it together
When the world's crashing around me
I remain everybody’s tether

“Hey are you alright?”

I offer words of comfort
I tell them: ‘all will be okay’
No matter what the problem is
I have something positive to say

“You know…. its okay to be upset”

‘I’m fine’, I tell them all
When things happen in my life
Everyone around me is impressed
That I’ve overcome another strife

“Just keep hanging in there”

The truth is no one knows
That this is how I cope
I hide behind the happy mask
So I can give others hope

“You’re taking this…really well”

But somewhere along the way
I lost track of how I feel
I even tricked myself into thinking
That my happiness was real

“Are….are you sure you’re okay?”

But I can feel my façade cracking
Emotions are breaking through
I don’t have any distractions
And I don’t know what to do

“But..if you’re really okay…”

I force my smile even bigger
And laugh without knowing why
I’ll do whatever I have to do
To maintain this beautiful lie

*“…then why are you crying?”

So let's talk about love, shall we?
Let's talk about you and me,
And all of the possibilities,
The what ifs,
What could be,
Where would we be if I said yes,
Or if you actually asked;

Let's talk about love baby,
About your dreams and frustrations,
Which colour your mood is in today,
How music affects your ability to work and play,
Or if your passion matches your intention,
The way your words echo and resound in every little action,
Would I know it when I see it or do you have to point it out,
Spell it word for word one letter of the alphabet at a time so that I could read it for fear I've been blinded from past experience where my heart ripped out and stomped on as it was laid bare?

Please, could we talk about love honestly,
For we spend nights shouting into an abyss of trust issues,
As we're both too proud to realise how we doubt the other's words by straight up lying through gritted teeth,
Bit lips for me as I type my reply to counter each of your denials,
Only to fall back in tears steadily streaming like rivers carving lines of worry and fear through my aging face that no one could ever look at with pride and admiration,
As you and your youth talk to me about disappointing yourself for not trying to live life,
Forgetting that I too want the very same things you do which was why I fell for you and you knew,
But the thing was that we don't focus on what's in front of us thinking we have a future ahead where it's fixed that you're for me and I for you,
Having forgotten that our choices will pave, shape and build us both;

Can I just talk about love quickly,
Before these words slipped right through me,
As I fall asleep trying to forget the songs you sang one lonely evening,
When you were back in our city searching for company,
Only to find this lonely bitter soul whose heart has been broken to pieces that she can no longer fathom this puzzle,
Hoping you'd somehow help her figure out where the bits belong,
But that's the thing babe,
You never wanted to be a part of anyone but yourself even though you insist that I'm the one you need in your life,
Except maybe not right now,
For I'm slowly rotting away waiting for my time to pass,
And you've got a long journey ahead,
Winding through endless possibilities of romance and newfound fame in the company of young lovely bones,
Spoiled for choices you constantly take me for granted telling me I over-think when all I ask for is your honesty,
And a little bit of trust to let me in;

Now, tell me, do you still want to talk about love with me,
Or are you leaving already?

@byizn

.
An Echo* asks “where have you been?”
and my reply is heart and truth.

I have thought of you for centuries,
I have conceived of you for millennia,
Patiently building you for aeons,
and I have died for you every second.

For I sit frozen in my cave of sorrow,
wrapped in a blanket of burning ice.
Constructing you in my waiting dreams,
a raging fire in the coldest of prisons.

That is where I have always been,
where I am, and will forever be.
Until the hour you step beyond fear
and the moment you look at me.


© Pagan Paul (16/12/16)

i know we're in the same book.
but yet to be on the same chapter,
waiting for the other
to be on the same page.
i'll wait for you.
not like a hopeless romeo,
and definitely not like a juliet.
i'll wait for you.
even if it takes us
volumes,
sequels,
prequels,
and even a different author,
for us to meet.