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Apr 2018 · 405
he knew his love for her was beyond his existence , he knew that this bond would be the death of him but when she called he ran , when she cried he broke and when she needed him he appeared. his love for her tested at every corner but never wavered , he held strong and gave her his all and he knew she would be the end of him. the night came and he world became dark , she called his name and he ran , racing through time and red lights with dead street lights throwing him in and out of darkness he never stopped , he never slowed he drove and drove he knew her called his and he knew she needed him, he knew this would be the end of him....  He ran into the room , engulfed by the sounds of beeping and screaming he was dazed , where is she ? he ran to the white clothed hero and begged and pleaded with the savior to let him see her, to take him to her but he was denied. he sat in a room full of people but he was never more alone, he lost everyone , he flashed back to the days when the nightmares haunted him , before he met her, before she showed him what it meant to be loved and to love, he knew she would be the end of him but his heart knew she was the one for him. they came for him , they looked at him with sorrow and he knew this was the end of him, he saw her , for the first time he saw her , tubes and wires blood drenched hands but he saw her and he had never seen her more beautiful that night , he had never seen her look more mesmerizing , even the night she wore that black dress and it rained and her got wet and she captured his heart for the first time could not compare to this. she was dying they said,  and his heart sunk , he would make a deal with the devil if he could , he would sell his soul if he knew how , but the devils ears were shut tonight , heaven had closed its doors and he was alone , the depression had taken her away from him more then the cancer did, the pain of seeing her decay cell by cell day by day had changed him , he knew this would be the end of him , he knew that this was his last , he knew this was her last , she touched his hand and the tears began to fall and she smiled and he smiled and he knew this was the last , the last time he saw that twinkle in her eye , the last time he would ever touch her or hug her ever again this life.  he decided long ago that if she goes he goes and she left him, on that gloomy Tuesday night in April she left him...she left the promises of forever they had , she left the dreams they made together , she left him with the choice , love or leave. he walked that night , he walked with the intention of end , he walked to free himself , free himself from the devil within , free himself from the demons that bind him to her. he walked and walked until the waves touched his feet and they felt freeing , they felt warm in the midst of winter they hugged him the ocean called him , it called his name and he followed like the calls of a siren he fell into the arms of the ocean. he sank and the empty deafening silence spoke to him and he heard her voice , he heard her scream swim. he knew she was the end of him he knew she was the end of the his soul but he didn't know she was the end of an era and the freedom of a curse , he knew he had to live , he knew her death meant he lost a love but gained a strength and he knew she was with him because his love for her did not die with the cancer , she did not die with the cancer or blood loss , he knew she lived and he gave her the life , he freed her from the bounds of death and he found his freedom in her death
Apr 2018 · 516
A fools tale

They say we are born in pairs. Destined to be loved , destined to spend it with a significant other.
I've seen lovers find each other in the darkest of moments while I found myself alone. I've seen families come together in devastating ruins in a war stricken country but seen mine close their doors on me.
The books of God says we are made in pairs , the bible , the Quran , the Torah all speak of a love conceived in heaven but all I've found is hook ups sent from hell. They say love is pure and kind , I say ******* love is nothing but the door to torture and pain while falling is the key , the key I've so willingly turned many times. They say it's all about time , when the time is right ,when it's meant to be it will be , maybe when I'm dead and gone I'll be brought back as a rose, loved by some hated by others , can't be touched only plucked and given as a sign of love then left to dry away and die because that's all love has ever been to me a dying rose. I've heard them all say they love me , they gave me the same look and then walk away from me. So much for the love at first sight fairy tale *******, all the books , all the songs and movies have it " no one like you baby". Promise after promise I watched them break it but now you what makes you different ? What makes you the one to fix the broken parts and heal the scars that's been carved into my soul by the hot white burning lies it's been fed by the corrupted love it's been given ? nothing , he will come along and smile and then I'll be forgotten because that's all I've ever been the temporary guy , the one before the one. Left to fall and land on my own , the plane takes off but I fly solo. I see no point in putting effort into you or into this because in the end the three letter word will be said and a sappy story of " it's me not you" will be given with false pitiful eyes. Time after time , my faith never wavered but today I have none , none in you or your words, " I like you, your different" I am but you're not. All that's different is the way you'll end up leaving. Call me bitter but I see you here holding hands and looking at each other the way some of us would love to be looked at but all I can say is that blind lovers look at each more lovingly then I have. I envy you , I envy the fact you can wake up tomorrow and be gone and that would affect people , I envy the fact you can sleep tonight knowing that he or she next to you loves you , I envy the fact when I wake up tomorrow all that will be different is a time and day. Be patient they say she will come, yeah she will come but then she will go just as quick. No point in trying , no point in hoping or seeing myself with her in an hour from now let alone tomorrow because sadly my life and your life isn't the same because come tomorrow I'll seek meaning when all you have to do is wake up to one, I'll long for a home that won't ever exist with someone that doesn't exist and you'll wake up closer to it or in it ,only you know the blessings you have. This sounds like some sappy broken hearted fools tale of longing for a lover. It's a sappy broken hearted fools deepest thoughts and broken words of how he'd love to have a person be his person , trust him , love him , be with him and stand by him but like his name suggests his a broken hearted fool who believes in a fairytale that only exists in the world of an electronic box throwing him crafted pictures taken from a page a script written to give him false hope or ink on a page his crafted to be closer to his made up fairytale that he so longs for. And as for you , you aren't here and do you know why ? Because you are the same , you feed me lies give me hope and then ****** it all way , you do what she did ,you make me smile , make me feel , make me want to live again and feel as if I have a meaning ,as if I mean something to you ,if this time perhaps it's real and your words aren't as hollow as my soul. But letting you in will end in the same result ,letting my guard down will be an invitation to new Scars a self inflicted torture but maybe I love the pain , maybe the solitude and sorrow coupled with the torture of an absent lover covered by an illusion of one day sharing a warm home with her had gotten me addicted to the sharp pain of pleasure that tortures my being every time I see lovers love each other. You aren't here to hear this because in the end I am to you what today is to you , just another . My words are your food but the taste buds on your tongue will crave another for that's all I am and will ever be is a phase , a phase never to be loved or wanted.
Apr 2018 · 331
Drunk love
your words peirce through my soul like the scalpel of a surgeon but instead of saving me you are killing me. your words make me thirsty and your actions drive me to the local watering pit, in there the only life that dwells is  living bodies but dead souls , i see demons all around me , black souless eyes that for some unknown reason comfort me, i walk to the damp table and look into the mirror that is hidden behind the bottles of forget and regret and i see a demon ,but his eyes darker then the others ,his soul gone without a trace and i look to the slim and formally dressed man and without a word he pours me a shot of liquid confidence , in a blink its gone and he pours me a shot of liquid gold , in a whisper its gone i look at him with my dark souless eyes and he understands and he put the bottle of forget on the table and walks away as if to say in a silent way "i know what c0mes next". i listen to the laughter and joy that rises from the demons and realise im in hell , but this hell is warm and feels odd , it has that feeling that... what is it , what is that word... Home... it has that ***** feeling , is this home , are these singing demons my family?, love done this to me , you done this to me, its not supposed to be like this. where did it all go wrong ? , was it that first night when we met ? was it the day i told you how i felt ?, when did we lose our way, when did i have to start looking for your love in a bottle , when did i have to start forgetting the nights to remember the days ? when did you stop loving me ? and we started loving the feelings of being drunk and high. We were supposed to love and protect each other instead all we do now is protect the whiskey glass from falling as we charger at each others throats. " LEAVE GET OUT!"  you scream as i sit in the corner remembering the days when you said "dont go , dont leave me." I stand up and walk towards you , you protect the one you truly love , you push me aside and hold onto him tighter then you've ever held onto me , i shake my head and i look at him , and i see jack but i see the three other bottles too , three ships , and so many more scattred all across the floor, i look at you and the only sober thought  that comes to mind after weeks escapes and i say to you "stop" you laugh and say "its saint patricks day , love let loose". Can we go back to the day we met , that cloudy night when the moon glittered over your eyes just perfect way , before that shot of whiskey took it all away, but through all the pain and hangovers and 5ams against the toilet pan i never left and through the days to come and nights to suffer i wont leave my love because behind the bottle i know you're there , behind the drunk demons our love lives , behind the tears of sorrows we still love , she never meant a thing to me i swear , and i know he wasnt meant to be there, we made mistakes but our love doesnt need to suffer the torture of two drunk lovers to scared to let go but to hurt to say "i love you".... come back to me , come home and leave the bottle tonight alone, come home to me and show me i mean more to you then he did , come home and hold me the way you once did, leave the whiskey and come to me, come back to me my love...please...
Sep 2017 · 390
Her smile still makes me smile,
She left but her memories stayed.
On that day , it was a Sunday,
She waited for me in the warm summer sun , her hair swayed gracefully just as she was.
She smiled and as did I.
That was the last day.
I broke a bond of perfection with my greed of dissatisfaction, I hurt a perfect love and I paid the ultimate price.
On that day , it was a monday,
She waited for me in the moon light, she laughed when she saw me , her voice still echos across my mind,
On the bench of that ice cream parlour we sat and on that bench I saw the glimmer in her eyes.
On that day it was the first day.
If prayers had to be answered she would be proof,
If men's greed needed proof , I am the proof.
Words cannot describe our moments, our bond but they can describe my guilt.
On the day it was a the last day ,
You said goodbye and I said goodbye and our moments came to an end,
All my mistakes , all my greed everything I done broke us.
All those days, all those moments once a pleasure then a curse and now it's all I have.
I hope to meet again someday,
Maybe that day I can see your grace again.
On this day . I think of our days when we were together and had a future before I broke it.
Time heals , but memories never fade and you will always be my greatest.
Jul 2017 · 332
Her sky covers the tall monuments of man , she holds secrets that we are to afraid to tell , she speaks of stories of days when gold was pulled from her roots.
Her name , her place all in the mits of beauty , she is a world class city whos streets are still yet to be touched by my feet.
I've seen her at sun rise and at sun set when the fires of the people blaze in uproar as they beg for more.
She is my home , she  is home to thousands.
But she cries , she cries at 3am when the blood of a father is spilt for the paper in the leather bound casing , she breaks when mothers abandon their mistakes on her rail roads , she screams when the young and innocent venture to her deep dark parts in search to ruin their lives for fun , she feels the pain of the women and children who are fouled by men with no soul. I see her beauty in the torture as I drive through her heart and I break knowing her words are unspoken she has been violated , she feel cursed , she is our home but we have broken our walls.
She waits for the day her people see her pain and change for her happiness and I wait for the day the sun shines and I know my home is safe.
Jul 2017 · 577
Rose garden dreams.
Gardens of roses appear ,
At the edge you stand in all your glory,
The beauty of both you and the roses tell me I'm dreaming.
You left so long ago, and I've counted the days and months since you left.
This field is all I have , as the sky darkens and the heavens open , you run towards me and I you , our arms meet and bodies intertwin , my hands at the lower of your back and your arms around me , I see you close your eyes and smile , I know this is all you've wanted , your scent stays on me , your warmth holds me and in the garden of roses we stand in the peak of our love , I look into your eyes and see only innocence , this moment is so precious , this moment so perfect , our minds agree in silence as our  lips meet our souls bond. The crack of thunder wakes me and all that's left is the memory of a dream so perfect it was a nightmare to wake up to the reality where the rose garden was filled with thorns and all it ended in was me cutting myself as you walked into the fields of green.
Mar 2017 · 372
A fool
All the times I spent starring at you in the moments your mind ventured away ,
All the times I spent my nights pondering of you in search of the light ,while you slept through the darkness,
All the times I told you I loved you, all these times have decayed into the fabric of gone and forgotten time.
The memories of the nights we spent , the days we had and all the times I was grateful to have you as mine.
Your promises were like flames and our love was the fuel, in the end you were miles away from the explosion and I alone burnt.
All the times you gave me hope when I had none ,
All the times I looked to you for structural  support,
All foolish times,
And I alone was the kingdoms clown for believing you could be different.
A fool is a fool , and I was the biggest of them all.
I'd call our love a curse , a waste of time and detest the moments I spent with you , but a fool is a fool and I'm the biggest of them all.
May happiness find it's way to you , may true love venture to your heart and may you never do to him what has been done on to me.
But a fool is a fool and I'm the biggest of them all so I wish you well but in this grieving moment I do not griev I rejoice in the freedom you gave , and to the memories we made I make a flame to guide me out of the dark and leave to decay in the place you so eagerly left me.
Dec 2016 · 290
My love
My love suffering was all I knew before I met you.
My love I thought my fate was sealed and I let it go, I forgot anything and everything to do with love.
I lived and cared for myself and only myself, I gave up and gave in to the darkest parts of who I was.
What changed ?.
My love I don't even know.
What I do know is that I've found my happiness,  my faith and strength in your smile , I found my missing pieces in your laughter my love.
I found life in you , I saw my future in an instant when our eyes met.
I remember the night we met as clear as I remember my own name ,i remember thinking how gorgeous you were  and how you probably made the stars jealous that night.
There are not enough words or phrases to tell you how much you mean to me or how fast my heart beats when I see you or think of you.
God alone knows when our time is up , all I can pray for is that when my time comes to an end you are by my side so I may see you the way I saw you that first night.
In your own amazing world of glory awaiting to show me a beautiful future and I you.
So to you my love I thank for fixing all my shattered parts and shedding light onto my dark soul may I always be there to burn the light in your path so you'll never feel alone in the dark or ever be cold.
Oct 2016 · 312
Hidden behind the vast varieties of
wonderful flowers ,
All a different breed ,
All a different colour ,
Non alike.
She sat quietly in the over growing crowed,
Happy to be as she was.  
Maybe it was luck ,
Maybe it was a coincidence,
Maybe it was destiny,
I found her ,
She was more bewitching than any other I can and will come across,  
Her beauty captured more than my eyes ,
She captured my being,
She captured my soul,
She was a rose
Unlike any in existence,
Her worth
Her beauty
Her being
Unappreciated by passers.
One can only give into her charms
One can only break to her soft whispers,
She was a rose blossoming
More and more every day,
Growing more pulchritudinous.
When we love the sky is more blue than usual,
When we love the sun shines more bright than normal.
When we love the dark sadness decays .
We voyage into uncharted territory, sailing seas both calm and chaotic, pulling day and night to better our voyage to feel the pleasant joy of happiness love gives.
But when we lose...
When we lose our love ,
The voyage to paradise turns into a nightmare of shipwreck,  
We find ourselves shipwrecked on an island of solitude,
left to lick the wounds of our broken ship where we made so many happy memories.
The previous blue skies
Are now no more than
a grey empty abyss ,
and we find ourselves alone left to wonder where it all went wrong.
You suddenly realise that forever was only as long as unearned happiness provided shelter from the world.
Now reality is all that's left of a broken heart and tainted soul.
Jul 2016 · 202
Self destruction
Is it funny that till today I can't love another ?.
My silence holds me prisoner in my own asylum of solitude ,
while I torture myself ,
I break my bones ,
I break my spirit ,
I break my soul,
by looking back at our memories trying to make myself whole.
Your voice echoes across my mind destroying my ear drums, I shut my eyes in pain and the only relief is the very thing that tortures me.
You fix me and you break me.
You love me and you hate me.
You forget me and you remember me.
All I can chant in this fortress of self destruction is,
"My love for you was always eternal ,
My destruction is internal!."
All this pain and this torture and I still say "I love you" ,
And I still ask do you not love me too?.
May 2016 · 394
There are no clouds
No romantic places
No fireworks.
There's only you
Your smile
Your fair beauty
Your everything.
The way your eyes twinkles in the light, the way your smile lights up the night.
The way your words comfort even the most broken of souls , the way your voice guides even the most tormented souls to the light.
I can compare an eternity of wonders to how wonderful you are but nothing blunders me more than how wonderful you are.
How amazing you are
How you'll always be my dream
May 2016 · 306
Last dance.
Step by step ,
Her arms inntwined with mine
A moment stuck in time
Round and round we go with the hope of never letting go.
One more step closer to the end
One more beat closer to the end.
I look deep within her eyes and I see her looking into my soul ,her sympathy shows she sees my woes.
She holds me close
She kills the cold
And round and round we go.
Her grip loosens
She lets go.
Round and round I go all alone
Left to forever hold on to our last dance.
May 2016 · 345
An undeniable feeling it was
An uncontrollable pain it is.
We were hero's flying through the skies you and I.
Destinations held up high in gods paradise.
Little did we know the devil waited below.
Hands intwined we took on the world day and night.
You came onto me like a divine revelation.
Our reality was not real
It was only made for play
And I your toy.
Suddenly I seamed to be flying alone and I took on the world alone.
And the devil below began to seam more like home and you were a lost side kick on our great vigilant tale.
May 2016 · 574
Frozen warm snowflake
Beauty beyond what the naked eye can see.
Hidden behind spectacles of tinny particles a warm frozen icy Kingdom falls.
Gracefully like her it caught my eye.
Astonishing like her it captures my being of reality.
And like the frozen warm snowflake I fell,
Down to reality through the frozen blizzard.
Bit my bit I froze,
Inch by inch I cracked,
A once beautiful form no more than winters terror.
No more than a frozen warm snowflake left to be alive in death.
May 2016 · 282
philosophers or poets ?.
Two of a kind yet worlds apart.
We are one yet born apart.
They say poetry is meaning and philosophy is understanding.
Is understanding not the meaning of life ?.
We write poetry with emotion.
We write philosophy with logic.
We are but logically emotional beings.
We are but philosophical poets creating a world of basic understanding of the meaning and questioning of what is life ? , why do we love ?, and what is my purpose ?.
May 2016 · 243
philosophers or poets ?.
Two of a kind yet worlds apart.
We are one yet born apart.
They say poetry is meaning and philosophy is understanding.
Is understanding not the meaning of life ?.
We write poetry with emotion.
We write philosophy with logic.
We are but logically emotional beings.
We are but philosophical poets creating a world of basic understanding of the meaning and questioning of what is life ? , why do we love ?, and what is my purpose ?.
May 2016 · 267
We all have that one person who broke us more than we'd admit but sometimes they break us for all the right reasons but in the wrong way.
Our basic human nature is to love and be loved but our basic human defence is to avoid pain.
We fear love in the torment of pain but we embrace it in the gentle calligraphic visualisation that we call love.
We create a contradiction within the balance of our soul causing us to love the hate of love and we create a perfect imbalance within us and our results are no more than complete and utter self destruction.
Apr 2016 · 309
Cruel , you ripped us from paradise.
You were supposed to nurture us,
You were supposed to love and protect us.
We fell in your arms,
We gave our hearts and we followed you.
You have forsaken us,
You have allowed our innocent to be corrupted.
You have thrown objects toward us,
You have dug hole's for us to fall in,
Why life , why have you done this.
I broke but I stood again.
Help the others who broke but are still broken.
Why do you not speak ?,
Why do you still ask for our defeat ?.
You call us your children but a mother never harms her children,
You tell us we must grow but you push the innocent  toward the darkness of this world.
Are you not like me sick to the core of whatever soul is left of watching people break and fall towards the darkness.
Are you not sick of the wicked ?.
Do I fight alone ?
Do I stand alone ?
Why do you not empower me ?
Why do you not support me in saving the broken ?
Why do you not give me the power to cure the wicked in the innocent ?.
You taught me in the midst of darkness I must be the light but you try to dim that which shines bright ?.
Has the millions of years since he created you corrupted your purpose ?
Has the wickedness of the innocent consumed you ?
Why life have you created a barren waste land for us to squander like rodents while the wickedness of the innocent prevail ?
Yet again you are silent.
But I shall burn bright. The last torch to guide human life and save that which has not yet died. I shall break the wicked of the innocent.
Apr 2016 · 334
Never let go
Days gone and forgotten.
Nights spent together and lost.
Mornings in each other's arms faded into the fabric of reality.
Your reality.
Each day we spent was yesterday , will be tomorrow for me.
Never ending shall we be.
Letting go is not me.
Holding on forever is where you'll find me.
The past is your past but we never spilt in my life.
We live on and shall die together some day at dawn watching the sun rise and than you'll be gone and I'll follow to the beyond so we can live forever .
Mar 2016 · 341
Like a dagger our memories are sharp and pierce through my thoracic cavity plunging into my heart.
All veins and arteries stop the flow of blood ,and for a moment I die.
All pain , all emotions rise up to my cranial area and build a massive collection of pain and hurt. Like a river it all  flows down and my eyes close so that the waterfall of pain can continue to flow.
I blackout a moment as my central nervous system reboots to account for the sudden loss of life my body suffered.
My brain releases endorphins to numb all affected areas that are now suffering.
My memories begin to show and all I can see is us , and the machinery that is my body starts to be break and the light that is my soul starts to die and the cycle of life and pain begin all over again and I die.
Feb 2016 · 285
Like acid it falls leaving a burning pain
Like a bullet your memories come fast and loud and before you know it you're in pain.
Night after night only the moon knows how you cry.
Wishful you hold on, hoping that through some miracle the pain finds it's exit.
But when it does you're already numb.
All that's left is you staring into an empty space in search of your broken pieces that scattered when you broke before the last tear fell.
Comfort becomes a misplaced item and you can no longer find it.
Happiness like ice became cold and solid
Your heart becomes your antagonist.
And in an instance the pain of nostalgia comes back.
Jan 2016 · 260
Like rewind it's back again
Like cancer it never left me.
I thought with you it will be different
but like the others you do the same.
You're here only to break me
Only to hurt me
Take whatevers left and desert me.
But to your loss I have no more for you to break.
If you were death I'd hug you with love for im ready to go.
If you were an enemy ready to **** me I'd hand you the blade.
I have no more
For you to take
I have no more to lose
I have lost the war of love and can no longer be abused.
My heart no more then a pump now and my soul no less than a flickering light.
**** me
Break me
Hurt me
I dont expect anymore than that from you than I have from the others..
Dec 2015 · 243
Like a shooting star
You came in the blink of an eye
Made me wish
Made me hope
then disappeared leaving me with no more then a wish.
How ?
How do I let go of you?
How do I say goodbye
To all the memories , the love , ?
How do I say goodbye and let go of us ?
Like a bird I'll lose my wings
Like a fish I'll swallow water
Like glass I'll shatter.
No one's going to love you like I do
No one's going to hold you like I did.
But no one's going to put me through what you did...
As painful as it tasted I loved the pain
As cold as it is I love the frost bite
As broken as I am I love putting myself together
But a piece of me will always be with you
Like a pendent keep it safe and wear it on your chest for every heartbeat you have I'll feel it on my half for the signal shall never be low.
Dec 2015 · 301
Someone to want my love
Someone to need me
Someone to be
Someone to appreciate me
Thats all I ever needed
No money
No fame or fortune
No adventure
Just someone.
Never have I felt the feeling of being wanted , needed or loved.
So to myself I ask
So to the public I scream
What is the point ?
The point of calling you mine?
The point of me being yours ?
The point of our relationship?
The point of an us?
If im not needed
If im not wanted
So to the point I conclude
There is no point
Guess thats why its called appreciation.
Dec 2015 · 300
Hearts aloud
Like a light you gave me guidance.
I question my decision-
Was I wrong to fall for you ?
is my heart wrong for calling to you?
But like a test I cannot change the answers ,nor can I change the outcome.
Am I ruining a friendship
Am I opening a relationship
Either choice that comes I hope neither takes you away from me my love.
For after more time then I care to count
My silent heart has found its sound.
My silent words choose to speak aloud but my fear still remains safe and sound.
Dec 2015 · 230
I was broken,
Torn apart ,
Left for dead ,
Lived in the dark.
Then you came
You were all I could ask for
Everything and more.
Like the scars that covers my arm
You covered my heart.
But like the darkness I lived in you promised no more than bitter emptiness.
As the slow tears of the sky shower us,
I can't help but contribute to the waterfall of tears.
No matter how hard I cry
scream into the night ,
I can never change the fact
our love was no more than a beautiful lie.
Into the darkness I hide
Holding onto no more than the fading light of our lie.
Maybe you'll come back
Maybe my demons will consume me.
But I loved our lie
I loved you
Even if it all was a lie.
Dec 2015 · 243
A fire that burns
A flame that stays calm within our hearts-
Then we meet them
The gasoline to our flame
The oxygen to our flame
The life of our flame.
The simple wait for it
The smart look for it
The brave fight for it
The hurt hide from it.
A flame will always do what its made to do
A flame will always burn
I've lost my flame
Many have but someday the sun will rise again until then the dark shall settle and night will be my light in hope of a moon to give some light and maybs some day the sun will rise and the flame the love will live again.
Dec 2015 · 257
One by one they come.
Each with a burden different to the next.
They gather around it
With all their hope in only a few coins.
They throw it with all their hope and they wish for it to come true.
I am too one of the foolish few.
I've prayed,
I've made a deal with the devil,
I've done the unimaginable ,
All for you my love
But now I must do the last of what I can do.
As my hope glides through the air allowing gravity to pull it into liquid despair
I can't help but realise -
Our love was like a coin thrown into a fountain with all hope of a wish coming true.
It was no more than a gambit
A shamble
It was as good as placing a bet on red in roulette
It was a fifty fifty bet
So now I'll leave the fountain to do the rest.
Dec 2015 · 350
I spend my days like a clock.
Ticking towards the stop.
The end
The final count down
To a year.
Missing you has been my strength
Remembering you has been my motivation
Loving you has been my life.
You were
But you weren't my mrs.
I cant tell you dear how dear you are to me
How amazing you made this amazing life.
How wonderfully wonderful you are.
But I love to say that I love you with all my loving heart.
And thats why miss
You and I never deserve to be apart.
Dec 2015 · 411
I spend my days like a clock.
Ticking towards the stop.
The end
The final count down
To a year.
Missing you has been my strength
Remembering you has been my motivation
Loving you has been my life.
You were
But you weren't my mrs.
I cant tell you dear how dear you are to me
How amazing you made this amazing life.
How wonderfully wonderful you are.
But I love to say that I love you with all my loving heart.
And thats why miss
You and I never deserve to be apart.
Nov 2015 · 323
The sun rises
Dawn comes
The dark runs
But so does our love.
A bird comes
he sits
I chase him
But he doesn't run
flying through the air things are herald at him but he doesn't run.
Dusk comes and I hate the bird.
His beautiful multicoloured feathers
His sweet song promises pain
He brings love but when I held him he took my love and flew away.
Betrayal bitter betrayal
Why my love why did you fly into my life and glide away with every thing I have and everything I am.
Nov 2015 · 335
There came a time I closed our doors
A time after you left
For the heart of my heart
I cannot lock the door.
There came a time our treasure chest met its eternal hole
For life of my life I cannot bury it.
They say you love once
If that was true
Why oh why
Do I keep falling in love with you
Everyday , every night and it repeats
My beautiful replay of our edwardian love.
You were my everything and now that my everything is gone I have nothing.
Grieve I grieve more then I should , I hurt more then I should but all I can think and do is only love you.
With sorrowful joy-
Theres a part of me that still thinks of you and whatever fears I have disappears
Nov 2015 · 278
My fair
Broken bones cannot compare
A broken heart seams to no longer care
But still this pain is leaving me in despair
Forever is a long time
But thats how long it seams to have been since the warmth , the light , The joy that is your love has left my life.
Every poem
Every song
Every drawing
Every ounce of creativity I have seams to confess my love for you.
But you still don't show a flare.
What did I do
What did I say
To see you no longer care.
As I stand and try not to care
All I see is a sky of white
Who's drops of rain burn my veins and breaks my might all  because you left me bare.
We , you and me, lived in a daze where we loved and enjoyed the craze maybe it was just a phase but we walked through the haze and everyone stared at the dream we created until it became a nightmare.
To you my fair love I keep my love as I promised you can come in a 50 years and you'll still find me there waiting for this nightmare to end so come soon my fair and  love me with all your care
Nov 2015 · 254
From the moment you left
Till the moment I broke .
I knew who I was
I knew who you were.
Not a day went past
Nor does a day go by
Where you aren't on my mind.
But forgive me my love
Cause I have to speak my mind.
We were perfect strangers
Then we were perfect lovers
And now  ,are no more then perfect  nothing.
The day I lost you I knew who you were
But as today progresses I cant help but forget who you are.
Everyday that passes without you , makes me forget everything about you
Now if I think of you
All that comes to mind is a perfect stranger im glad I didn't meet
But forgive me my love.
Maybe you are praying to god
To make me forget you.
Or maybe my heart is praying to god to help me forget you.
But god almighty knows a love this strong will still play on even when your long gone on and forgotten.
Nov 2015 · 2.9k
I pity the masses
I pity the unfortunate
But I count my blessing.
Forgive me my love for I have been ungrateful.
I miss the now memories,  
I miss the old goodnight kisses
The long conversations
The looking into the future we wanted together.
Forgive me my love for I have been ungrateful
I forget to enjoy the blessing of getting a chance to love you
A chance not many are so lucky too.
My love it has been a blessing to have called you mine
Even if it was for a little to short while.
I pity all those who will never know the blessing of getting a chance to love you.
But then again a blessing wouldn't be a blessing if everyone was blessed with it.
Nov 2015 · 226
Young fool
Years ago
When life still held on to what now is memories
I remember I saw you -
Saw you in my dreams.
Oh young fool why
Why did you fall for her from then.
Young fool why did you love a dream that was meant to ****.
Young fool why did you dream.
Oh young fool.
But to you
To you my beautiful I confess,
Not a day since I lost you
Have I not thought about you
Its kind of beautiful
Its kind of thoughtful
Its kind of sorrowful
Its a kind of fools
A young fools naive nature
Oh my beautiful I love you
I've loved you from the day a young fool dreamed a dream into reality
Nov 2015 · 628
I love you with what can only be described as passion.
Passion even
Shakespeare himself dreamed of
Passion even
Leonardo himself lacked
Passion that the climbers of mount everest only taste.
My passion for you is my love for you.
Oh my beautiful what a passion I hold for you .
Even Satan himself lacks such a passion.
A passion so great
So powerful
Not even a broken soul can break
My passion for you is so immense intense inevitable
That all the colloquial
That all the alliteration
All of figures of speach
All the languages
Cannot begin to put it into words for you to understand . To comprehend . To ascend . To commend. How much it all means.
I know these are only words but look beyond the smoke and see whats on the other side of this hold.
Look and see how much passion I hold.
Nov 2015 · 378
They told me ,
"She'll come as quickly as she'll leave",
They told me ,
"You'll love her more then the sun loves the dawn"
They told me
"She'll be your light like the moon is to the night"
They told me
"She'll break your soul more then your heart"
They told me
"She'll love you for as long as she's there but when she leaves so will her love."
I curse the day I saw our future more then I curse the way I miss you.
I lack nothing in my empty life.
God has blessed me with so much so true.
He has taken away my one and only and that is why I miss you.
I beg of you
I plead yet again to you
Love me again.
Let the clairvoyant mistress who foresaw my doom be a fraud and come again to hold me before the cold takes hold of me.
Nov 2015 · 322
my sun
Like a  seed I lived off the rays of the sun.
I grew with soil , water and warmth.
Then you came in
You took over , you pulled me from the shackles of my roots and took me into your life.
You showed me what freedom is.
You became my sun day and night
Held me warm.
Your love was my nutrition
Your affection was my soil
You grew me into a beautiful rose.
My petals red and luminous.
My stem green and radiant
No thorns or broken petals.
Your love grew me
You loved me.
Like the seasons my sun disappeared and winters cold came.
You left me in a glass
Lost was I.
Many days I laid watching
Fall off me.
My red petals became a grey wrinkled leaf and now all that holds me is winters breeze.
I wait for summer
I wait for my sun
I wait for you to come back so that I may grow again
Or forever shall I remain
A broken old shriveled frame.
Nov 2015 · 313
you can call me
I never wanted a movie scene
Or song lyrical
I never wanted you to be
My damsel in distress.
I never wanted you to be perfect.
All I ever wanted was for you to be mine
Errors and defects.
I never wanted to get hurt
I never wanted you to get hurt.
You can call me yours if you say im with you.
You can fix whats broken all you need to do is say I love you.
You can call me yours if you just come right back too.
I never wanted to see us end and when we did I fell apart
When we did I lost half a heart.
You can call me yours if you just hold on.
Hold on to what we once owned.
You can call me yours if you just ...
Just say I love you.
Oct 2015 · 252
Maybe there was an us to fight for
But all I know is that-
You gave up the battle before the war.
So now live the life you saw without me
And pray
Its better then the life you saw with me.
Cause now as I move on you'll realise what's truly gone and that's when you'll truly be torn.
thank you cause as they say
your darkest hour will come before your dawn.
Oct 2015 · 382
RED (insanity part 4)
Red the color of blood
Red the color of love
Red the color of hearts
Red the color of roses.
The color of my insanity
The color of our once amazing love
The color of the heart I once gave you
The color of the love I gave you.
The color of the blood that drips as the sharp knife of betrayal you so eagerly pushed through the heart that beats the letters of your name.
The heart that beats red with the love that runs through my veins
The love I have for you.
The love I had for you.
The love I have had for you.
The color of the pill I take just not to see your face where it is not.
The color of the tag that cuffs my hand
The color of the liquid in the syringe that puts me to sleep before my insanity defeats me.
I see you
I see you all around
But you make not a sound
I see you when I dream
But I do not sleep
I see you where you're not supposed to be seen
You .
Your not real
You can't be
I lost you
Your not real
You cant be
Maybe I'm crazy
They told me I am crazy
Am I crazy ?
Why do you come and go
Why are you at every corner
Why are you so real yet vanish into thin air.
No you're not real
You can't be
It's my insanity
It's my insanity it has to be
Voices all around me
Screaming your name
Screaming my pain
Voices telling me our denied love story
The voices are all over me
They are a gift of my insanity
I should fear them
I should run from them
But they welcome me
They fill my void
They fill the empty space you once took up.
The voices speak of our love
The voices cry over our love
The voices fade
Slowly into the dark abyss,
As I fade into my dreams
And before I sink into the kaleidoscope of colors that flood my cerebral cortex
The voices screetch
The kaleidoscope of colors take over and into a world of blur and haze I disapear in search of my sanity , in search of you.
Oct 2015 · 316
Insanity (part 1)
When I had you I found comfort in you ,
When I lost you I found comfort in your memory ,
When I forgot you I found comfort in my dreams of you ,
When I stopped sleeping I found comfort in my hallucinations of you ,
When I lost my sanity I found our broken love in my insanity ,
now im on the break of insanity and I found my broken heart still beating the song of our broken love  waiting for the insanity to claim me.
Why was our love written on broken stones ,
Why was our love written in doomed  stars,
Why did we fall in love only to implode.
Why did I fall in love
Why did I fall in love
Why did I fall in love
Why did I fall in love
Why did I fall in love
Why did I fall in love
Why did I fall in love with you.
Sep 2015 · 251
God help me
i cant breathe
i cant feel
she has taken over me
she has ruined me
she has broken me
every minute of everyday since the day she left i've lived in hell
since the day she left i've lost all hope
god help me
i miss her so much
i cannot love another
god help me
this pain is killing me inside
take this pain away i beg for your mercy please take this pain away or take me
this life you've gifted me is falling apart
god please help me
its killing me
i can no longer numb this pain inside
god please help me
i've begun to dig my own grave because she's killing me
this love i have for her is killing me
god please help me
Yes i miss her unconditionally , yes i wish she was here with me  
but oh lord im dying theres no more tears left to cry
theres no more rope left to climb
god please i beg you please god help me take away this pain take me lord its killing me
Sep 2015 · 185
I once loved you
I once called you mine
I once told all I'm going to die in those arms that held me warm.
I once saw the world end and you held my hand and stood at my side till the end.
What happend , was it not true love or was is a true lie.
I hate the way I feel , I hate missing you so much
I hate not being free from this love
I hate our memories
But I still love you
I still love those arms
I still love that smile
I still love everything that I know nothing about.
I once called you my love , my life , I once made you my everything while you knew we were going to be nothing.
I hate you
I hate everything about you
I hate you with a desire but I love you with a passion.
I love everything about you
I love you
All this confusion while you rest warm in his arms and I stand in the cold keeping warm with memories.
I love you , but I can't have you , I can't be with you , I don't want you .
I'd rather love a picture of you after all a picture lasts longer.
Sep 2015 · 210
remembering to forget you
how long will this pain last
how long will my slain heart cry?
They all tell me to forget you
like i have'nt been trying
they all say move on
but how do i with only half a heart left to love
they say so much
so much for their futile ideas
ideas i've tried
ideas that have made me cry
in the end all i an do is lie
just lie to them all to satisfy their hopeless hope with a sense of help
i dont know where you are or where to start but i cant forget you or our love
i cant forget anything.
Least of all you
but then again how do i forget you while remembering to forget you.
Sep 2015 · 331
crumbling world
i cant hold on anymore
i cant hope anymore
its only been a year but it feels like decades without you.
I scream into the darkness of the night in hope to find the light you once shun on me to keep me warm.
I hold onto the cold in hope of finding the warmth you once held me with.
I cant see anything anymore , not love , not happiness , not even a future which is bright.
All i see is pitch black emptiness , where i'm going from here is unknown.
Do i care ?
No. I cant live a life without you , im not strong enough without you , i'm not good enough for you and i cant seam to get over you.
Im at the end , no more hope , no more trying to cope without you.
If the world comes crumbling beneath me , i wont run i'll fall in with the memory of you.
If the sky falls i wont run i'll be crushed with the last thought of our memories.
If I move away from you , i shall be taken away , i shall loose myself , my humanity , i'll loose whatever i have keeping me , me
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