I would love to let you read my mind
Follow my thoughts just as you would the pages of a book

Depressed I feel
Enough to reel
At the sheer force
Distraught from remorse
How do you cope
A constant *****
Real but fake
Everything's at stake

out loud unsaid
words transcribed
but never read
and all the knots
that came undone
threads unraveled
one by one
lover     family
child of mine
forgive
my selfish ways
my pride

So maybe I can say that
I'm "clean" from self harm
because I stopped puncturing my skin
my arms are free from scars


but does it not do the same thing
to trace back old memories
of you and I
and feel the same sting in my stomach?
the same stab from the same type of let down
only this time without a drop of blood for proof of pain

Am I not hurting myself every time I pretend
that I'm okay like this

The scars have healed atop my skin
but the ones within will never get the chance
because every chance that I get to step forward
I take to stay in place,
or in the past
wherever you are still a part of me
and any time where I do not have to close my eyes to have you back

looking at an upside down picture of you
it would probably hurt you if you knew that i thought about it
i thought about looking at you from upside down
i thought about ending my life and taking a seat in the ground
it would probably hurt you if you knew
that i thought about it
i wish i could end the pain in my heart because i know it pains yours too
i wish i could smile in my eyes like yours do
i've memorized your face when you look at me
and yet i feel like i will never see what you see
i don't know how to cover the holes in my soul that bleed
i don't know if i'll ever do anything
but i'm pretty sure it'd hurt you
if you knew i thought about it
i thought about the life we would have if i could get there
i thought about the times we have had when times were better
i thought about the way things might end
if i can't figure where you and i can begin
again
i thought about it

Drown me in the ocean that is your mind
And I will learn to breathe
Under pressure
Show me that
Which you desire to hide
So that I may know
Who you are inside

Burn me in the fire that is your love
And I will learn to fight
For you, for me, for what's to be
Show me that
Which you desire to feel
So that I may know
That this is real

Bury me in the ground that is your faith
And I will learn to grow
Suffocate me with your wants, hopes, and expectations
Have faith that I will reach them, above and below
Show me that which you desire to have
So that I may know
And can be your other half--I'll give you all I have

Throw me through the skies that is your life
And I will learn to soar
High altitudes, high hopes, huge dreams
Show me that
Which you desire to be
So that I may know
You're lovely, crazy you
I'm quirky, crazy me
But we could be a brilliant, crazy "we"

We are the best kind of desire.