Thank you, God, for being here for me when I needed you.
Thank you, God, for saving me from eternal death and suffering.
Thank you, God, for saving me.
Thank you, God, for being my high priest and my peace.
Thank you, God, for loving me. Even after all I have done and all the times when I simply didn't follow you. Even in times of disobedience, you loved me. And you still do.
Thank you, God, for giving me chance after chance after chance.
Thank you, God, for not giving up on me.
Thank you, God, for simply being here with me, for being here for me.
Thank you, Jesus, for dying on the cross, even though you didn't have to.

There is a side of me,
Broken, weak, left unhealed.

There is a side of me,
That hates myself, wanting to hide away from myself.  I don't want to see myself, in the mirror, i want to flee to somewhere else.

Could i be someone one else. I wish to
be someone else. No. Wishing. I want to be in someone else, someone better then who i am now.

But what if this someone has the same broken soul, hurt, weak, left to die on its own.

its okay.
i could handle this.
i can do it...right?
its alright.
i'm alright.
i can do this.
i can do this on my own.
i don't need their help, don't want them to know.
its okay.

if only the world wasn't filled with hate.
if only the world wasn't filled with people degrading another.
if only the world wasn't filled with jealousy.  
if only the world could be healed from its broken heart.
if only the world could be filled, fully with true genuine love.
it can be hard.
i know.
if only we knew the blessings we had all this time.
if we had laid them in a row, it would have been infinite, uncountable, that if we were to list them down, time would have run out of our hands.
one day, we would be reunited with the heavens above.
and all this could finally be fulfilled, that finally this empty world is filled.
whole and healed.
but for now, i would be wandering at the plains of this broken, hurting, world.

I sit in a park.
I wait for a spark.

Searching for something, someone.
Could I see it? I don't know.  
This desire grows.

I look up, it's something from up above.
So I wait, searching, desperate to be touched by love.

I wish I was back to the times when I knew you. When I knew everything about you. When I knew who you wanted to be. When I knew what was happening in your life.  When I knew you, genuinely, true to life, in real-life.

It's been a couple of years. Not much has changed,   your eyes were watering, but you dared not say you were sad, broken and let down.

Now I don't know if you are true to me, true to what you say, what you show to me.  If you looked happy I won't know if you really were sad, unhappy.

Now I am doubting if I did my job. If they were secrets you kept from me since the very start of our adventure together. Maybe it is for the better.

I don't know you anymore. This I am sure.

love.
what a beautiful word.
full of hurt.
it could hurt.
it hurts.
breaker.
heartbreaker.
family wrecker.
full of life.
could stay a lifetime.
could heal wounds, could make them.
could heal wounds and tear them back up again.
true love........
it hurts because it has to.
tears you apart because of love.
never meant to hurt you but to bring you back.
you would have no lack.