It took me seven years
to realise
the words in my mind
were too deep for
my mouth to dig up
I thought it was easier
to open my skin
and let the truth
pour down my arms

It took me seven years
to realise
nobody should be allowed
to touch parts
of your home
or hold pieces  
of your heart
that you don't yet understand

It took me seven years
to realise
I will wear these scars
forever
I'll carry them
through every smile
every kiss
every concerned gaze
I'll carry them
to my grave

It took me seven years
to realise
the pain carved
into the walls
of my castle
etchings of
attempting to disappear
are not a story of weakness
but a tale of
how I survived

You ask me my goals
So you can steal my dreams
You tell me to listen
As you crush my soul
You make me wait
For the day I die,
The day I break.
To prove to me
That I am weak and soft,
Alone forever
In this cruel world

He was always too good to me,
I never understood
why he let me take all,
that I possibly could.
so in my sleep and when I wake,
my heavy heart still tends to ache.
For him and me and all I feel,
for worlds we contrived,
convinced they were real .
Now in sorrow and insight,
sickness and pain,
sleep or insomnia,
with guilt and with shame:
I admit to defeat and begin my descent,
both feet in the air and face on cement,
All the damage is done now- how I'm alone but I'm free-
how no one compares,
He was too good to me.

Everything sits so still
Have no time to ****
Feels like I have a void to fill
So I just swallow another pill

Want to kiss someone.
Afterwards, we could look up at the stars,
Picture anything else but reality.

Realistically,
I am sitting in my bedroom,
Watching others take advantage of my dreams.

I’ve been using my lip chap,
In hopes it would pay off when she and I touch lips,
For the very first time.

I just want someone to kiss,
Someone to look up at the stars,
Picture anything but reality.

Night sits on my chest
Squeezes poems out of me
And grinds my poor soul