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You sit across the room from me,
And pretend I'm not even there.
You see me take a shot,
And aren't even phased.
How do you just not even care anymore?
No... I understand why you wouldn't care anymore.
I just can't believe it as true.
I messed up.
Now you're stuck pretending I don't exist.
My bestfriend pretends I don't exist.
What is want,
A craving or desire?
Consuming need
That sets the soul on fire?

To want is to wish
Though it may be greed,
To wish is to want
Or to be in need,

What is desire
Whether it be hers or his?
We may not know what we want
Or what want is,

Unrequited longing
That seems to smother,
We've all had it in some form
One way or another.
Polite
Typical
Smiley
Daughter

Pointlessly
Trusting
School
District

Professor
Turns-blind-eye
Struggling
Drastically

Packets
Turn-to
Stacks
Deficient

Panic Attacks
Turn-to
Self
Destruction

Pulling
Teeth
Sick
Design

Plan­s
To
Stop
Discussing

Peace
To-her
Silence
Disturbs

People
Talked
She
Distracted

Passed
The
Snacks-to
Dinners

Pulled
The
Same
Dimensions

Pre-K
Then
Smaller
Didn't

Pause
Third-Grade
So
Dead

Parents
Though
She
Drowned

Piled
Thoughts
Suffocated-her
Dexterity

Patient
There
Suffering
Depression

Problems
To-many-to
Score
Dispute

Progress
That
Shockingly
Developed

Potentially
Taken-away-the
Suffering
Dramatically

Poor
Tiny
Sweet
Doll

Par­t
Traumatized
Sleep
Deprived

Phobic
though
Sixth grade
Doesn't

Play
Though
Six-Years-of
Death

Until... The little girl, learned she had,
Post
Traumatic
Stress
Disorder
and, school treating her badly is only one of her three traumatizing events.
this is about my very first traumatizing event that caused my PTSD, I have lived though 2 others, But this first one is caused by the school i go to denying me help when I have a learning disability, this caused my mom and me to argue, making her sometimes emotionally and physically abusive, that's where the second one comes in, and the third was a stem off of what i thought was normal, and also only knowing English based on what i had taught myself, because that resource wasn't provided for me, when a boyfriend was being abusive i didn't know it wasn't okay, because its what I was used to at home, I thought it was okay and normal. its been a year later, I'm in 10th grade. Yelling, or loud places make me trigger, school in general makes me trigger, because the trauma never stopped, and at home, when ever my mom get aggravated over the school, she takes it out on me, and my dad, and everyone. But again, I'd of never had these added traumas if a therapist didn't explain to me my life and the right and wrongs, I'd of love to go my whole like thinking my relationships where fine.
In both hands I hold my life
In one hand my bible
The other holds a knife
 Apr 2015 Melancholy Dreams
Xyns
When everything comes to an end
I've thought it all through
And my most fatal mistake
Was trusting you

After all is said and done
My biggest flaw was
Believing you were *the one
Being ignored is painful.
Because I'm left full of questions I wish to have answered.

I question if I did anything wrong or if you're feeling something you're not telling me.

You're not telling me anything at all.
I find it so frustrating.

Because this seems more difficult than it needs to be.
And I've tried reaching out to you.
But instead you ignore me.

I don't know why.
And maybe the best thing for me is to move forward from all of this.
To go back to before we even started talking.
Because I cannot keep having this reoccurring pain of loneliness waiting for you to come around again.
You always disappear at some point.
I'm tired of trying to get you to speak to me.
I'm tired of trying to get you to see me.
I'm tired of trying to get you at all.
Deadly wheel
Entrapping
Sometimes
Tough and weak
Individuals
Not only
You and I
If I was Death
I would never wake
Never steal a person from a deep sleep
If I was Death
I would have to see
The comfort in being deceased
If I was Death
I would let you know
The time and place for you too go
So that you can see
And understand
That its not as malicious
For we miss understand
Their is a golden shore
Behind the velvet door
Where we all go and all our adored
What if I tell you that
This world is going to end
And that end is not too far,
You probably won’t believe me.
Allow me to take you to a journey
A journey to the end of the world.
A world without a hint of greenery.
A world with all sorts of armaments but no food and water.
A world congested with people.
A world infected with diseases.
A hot world on the verge of a cold war.
A world with numerous machines but no fuel to run.
A world with no shred of humanity.
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