-------


Regurgitated dreams

and a handful of hopes

slipping grain-like through my fingers

promisisng the earth

as it cracks withered and drying.



desolation and anticipation

brings the threat of pleasure

like the seed of hope without

the chance of bursting open.



Endless gurantees of endless possibilities

and your stupid ******* provisos.

**** the last drop with insistence,

take all you can,

Im already dead inside.




with all the graciousness afforded

you'd think you could at least

turn away when I cry?



Instead you watch,

a look of  abomination

carved into your hateful eyes

and ice cold detachment

running down your spine.



no matter,

I'll be fine;

you were only ever a sympathy case

that grew too wild.



all that tender love and care

without pruning

has a tendency to create monsters



you sting my rosy buds

a sadistic wash of passion red



I'm tangled in your mess,

you might as well lick the salt as well

the tequila slammer hit hard.



I can't seem to locate my vanity

its still missing after that

last masochistic kiss goodbye.

Long Sleeves.
Always long sleeves.
Even the summer.


Who here gets it?

It's nature not a used ******
You can't just dispose of it once you're done using it
Like any of you really care
She is dying as we speak
And yet we just laugh as if everything is okay
As our air evaporates
HOW THE HECK DOES AIR EVAPORATE
But it's joke am I right
Yeah we find many uses for it,but look at her
And by her I mean nature
Her water is polluted
Her children die
Her mind has gone insane
But we don't care
We'll just watch her say bye
Then wonder why we have all died

I couldn't smile today, of all days.
I felt so mad,  angry,  at the routine of everyone.
Hating someone then pretending to love them irritates me.
Christmas is supposed to be joyous, a time of smiles and joy with memories.
Getting mad when you don't get the gift you wanted?  Grow up.  
I watched someone I love not be able to stand up to hug his family at Christmas!
Angry because someone took your ***** Santa gift and you had to pick another one?  
Grow up.  
I had to pick up my hearts pieces--for falling in love with a drug addict--and now that I have chosen someone else, I am having to learn how to love all over again.
Unwrapping presents is a subculture beneath the societal continuation of "Christmas"
We don't know the true meaning,
All we know is there are gifts involved.
What if you truly sat back and watched everyone else open their presents?
Watch their faces and reactions to something you made instead of something you bought

I surprised him on Christmas Eve.
I made him think I had to work all evening,
Only I pulled in his driveway, called his parents to let them know I made it, and then I asked him to Skype with me via text.
He obliged, and as the camera turned on I saw his eyes twinkle,
You look beautiful
So do you
What are you doing?
Sitting in my car, you?
In a sun room,  waiting for family
Well, could you do me a favor?
Yea,  sure,  what? *
(stepping out of my car)
Could you turn behind you and look out the sun room glass and add one more person that can wait with you?

He rolls his chair around, where I am standing in his backyard facing the sun room,  all dressed up for him.
His eyes water,  and he starts heading out the door towards me
Kat,  I thought you had to work
I had you fooled,  didn't I?
I wanted to surprise you for Christmas
You did Kat

He wraps me in a deep hug,  
Kisses my cheek,
And softly whispers in my ear,
Best. Present. Ever.*
That makes two of us.

Life to me is never about what you get from others but what you give to others.

Breathe
Feel your heartbeat
Call someone you know
Email someone from the past
Let your hair down
Look at yourself, and say,  "Beautiful"
Tell someone they look awesome
Play a video game with your sibling
(or a buddy)
Read a book
Meditate
Go for a walk
Dance
Anything that you enjoy--
Singing
Eating pizza
Spaghetti
--that tells you that your existence is important
Blow your own mind
with trivia
random acts of kindness
travel
See a new country
Exercise
Buy a candy bar
Put a puzzle together
Draw

Find who you really are in any way,
not because it is a person telling you
what you should be, where you go, what clothes look good,  what makes you great
Make your own path
Make your own happiness
It is so you can smile
Create your own joy
And then stick your finger to the person that is trying to force you to conform!