I remember you quite well.  
Your face, the way you spoke.
The way your body felt in a warm embrace.
It all floods back from my memory.
Right now.
It's been about 4 years since we met.
                        4 years.
You told me you'd never forget me.
I remember the first time you told me you loved me.
My God we were so young.
It's been about 3 years since you wrote me the first letter in the series of many.
                        3 years.
You told me I was perfect and that stars are not nearly  as beautiful as my eyes.
It was the first time I truly felt that was true.
It's been about 2 years since we stayed up at your house, eating pizza, talking to each other about the wonders of life at 3 am.
                        2 years.
And I still stay up that late almost all the time, thinking about how you hugged me and told me I was wonderful and everything would be okay, and how for the first time in my life I had someone to talk to. I've never had that after you.
It's been about 1 year since we slept in each other's arms and you made me jump on your back and we ran through the pouring rain together.
                         1 year.
We came to a stop. We sat on the bench right next to the lake. We spoke and all I could pay attention to was the way you said my name like it was the religion you practiced and the way the water dropped down your face and body like you were being baptized.
You kissed me then.

I've never felt so holy in my life.

It's been 4 years since we met.
It's been 3 years since I knew I loved you.
It's been 2 years since you saw the real raw unabridged version of myself.
It's been 1 year since I was saved.
And it's been my whole life I've been waiting for someone like you.

Tragically, my love, I don't think you even know my favourite color or the way I love to sing anymore.

You used to think of me every minute of every day.
4
You used to think of me often.
3
You used to think of me sometimes.
2
You used to think of me once in a blue moon.
1
You stopped thinking of me, just like that.
I lost my faith like I lost you.

She danced circles around me,
with that keen smile that
she only
seemed to have
when we were
saying
goodbye.
I was once told to only write
whenever
I was feeling inspired,
& ever since her
presence has faded
& there are no more
clichés left in this world to
write about,
i've found myself
running;
whether it's from
the road
or
the sun
or
the memories;
I just can't bring myself
to make the
tires stop rolling
& my feet stop
aching.
I can feel the fear
sweating out
of my
pores
& the regret
screaming for me
to stop
screaming
so loudly.
It took me weeks to figure
out exactly
why I couldn't feel
my arms every morning
while waking up
& I think it's because
they never truly
let go of
her body.
If my arms can't
have their
sanity
back,
then I would at least
appreciate mine
again.
It's hard to
write a poem when
you forgot
all of your pens
back at home.
It's hard
to
call anything a
home anymore
without being reminded
that mine had
two
legs
&
a
heartbeat
that were always
one step,
one beat,
one heartbreak,
ahead of me.
& for everyone
that has
said "you can't make homes
out of human beings" has
obviously
never found the
kind of
comforting
warmth that
only a fireplace
& her smile can
create; except
fire could
never put me
in the hospital as
quickly
& her
glance
was enough
to get fire trucks
racing to
the scene.
I realize why
the term
"love" is used
so lightly nowadays;
it's because no
one that has
truly experienced it
has ever lived
to
tell the tale.

I live in the mountains
Middle of no where
I'm all alone tonight
It don't seem fair
Yet I see the stars
Shining so **** bright
Every last little one
Giving off a speck of light
Each one a part of something greater
Each one a piece of what's real
I don't know what YOU are feeling
But that's how I wanna feel
Like I actually belong here
Like I'm not living for myself
Like there's some bigger out there
Like I'm as special as everyone else
I want my light to shine that bright
A smouldering sky for YOU to see
I just wish that someone out there
Was making a wish to have me

He asked me why
I never looked him in the eyes
And I looked at the ceiling
and said i didn't know
He once asked me
what color his eyes were
And for the life of me
I wanted to forget
that his eyes were the color
of the purest blue ocean
just before a storm and scattered
with crystal shards like sea shells
Because the second I looked
up at him
The air was stolen
right out of my chest cavity
His eyes engulfed my soul and drowned it out
until I forgot where I was
His eyes could melt fire and freeze ice but he doesn't have
a destructive bone in his body
His eyes are the sky
right before dawn
a blue so electric
it sends shivers down my spine
So wasted with wonder
and dappled with specks of sarcasm
I've been told drowning
Is the most tragic way to die
Though maybe it's where you drown that makes it a tragedy
because I think
drowning in his eyes
would be the most
beautiful death