I met you in this crowd.
We never said a word to each other.
But the eye contact was electric.
You never parted your lips to speak.
But your soul did.
It was calling to me.
Almost crying.
Practically screaming.
It is okay.
I can hear you loud and clear.
It is like I am one with you,
before the introduction.
It is as if something was pulling me,
letting me know that it is you.
You are the one.
Do not let them go away from your grip.
The only grip I have on you
is the way we stare into our eyes.
But which one of us will make the move first?

who would love a man like me?
A soul imprisoned by the idea of love.
A man that may not be perfect.
But a man that can definitely try to be everything you need.
A man that doesn't need you to tell me what to do.
But a man that can make your skin crawl when i come home to you.
Make you tremble to my touch and be lifted by your words.
I may not be the best man, but I will change for the better.
I will keep searching to find a girl like you, because you say you want me as a friend.
When I want you to be the only one I look towards.
We don't have to be perfect, we can both be broken.
It will be messy, but it will be our mess, we can pick up the pieces together.
I know I am selfish, they say there are plenty of fish in the sea.
But today I feel like a shellfish because as long as you are around me I feel at home.
You are the most beautiful rose in a field of thorns.
i will walk through it all, and wear my scars happily to show what I went through to hold you.
So i ask, will you love a man like me.

I have realized I have a very unstable mental state.
Like I'm pretty sure we have all seen that person on the street.
Where your first thought is, "yea they are on something".
That person is in control of my brain.
For example, a typical Friday night goes something like.

" I hate myself // you hate me // I love you // you love me but you actually hate me // I'm hungry // I want to die // sometimes I wish I was a squirrel // it would cool to have a pet sea monster // I hate myself".

But it's not all bad.
It feels like I have become aware of my emotions.
Being able to choose when something is funny, sad, or frustrating.
It's like a superpower that doesn't always work. Being able to smile on rainy days, is nice.
But not crying for losing someone close to you can be jarring to handle.
I am drowning in the dark ocean comprised of my anxiety and depression.
Losing oxygen and the will to try and swim back up.
I sink to the bottom, just to realize I can stand up.