A hastened silence
Implicit danger
Bed bug bites

Being submerged speechlessly
In the bay by the dying chrysanthemums

Stocked shelves
To pay for all the pings and dings in the car
Evicted
Couldn't make the rent in time

Shoveled sod and soot
**** and mud
Wearing stained tank tops and horn rimmed glasses  
****** in the gut
And filled the shot glass to the brim
But always got home at a respectable hour

Fastened to the table
Hurry up and wait!

"People are expendable"
"**** the low-lives living the high-life"

       -Tommy Johnson

Maybe if I thought of her hard enough I could breathe her into my presence.

And although I try, her face only brings a tear

And with this tear I mix my hearts manifestation.

Only to write more grief,

Within the lines of this leaf

This is the great lovers manifesto

Questionable only with this:

Will I and my love ever manifest?

Or will I remain forever torn from my flesh?

Fighting the unchangeable,

The which, I cannot correct.
 

A part of isn’t here.

Though this part continues to live on

And I cry not because it lives, because it does not live it only exist

And though I pray for it to transcend,

I can’t ignore the wreckage that takes place within.
 

A part of me isn’t here.

And I wonder if someone is making love to you?

And even though there are more important questions that bombard me in the dead of night.

This one vexes me in the voices of rain drops dying upon my window.

Mockingly asking,

Does he hold you closely at night just to here two hearts beat simultaneously singing a love song?

Does he taste your sadness manifested as tears falling from your eyes?

And if he loves you answer me this,

Has his spirit ever transcended the ethereal to comfort you when you’re lonely?

I know the thought of you out there with all life has to offer and the thought of me having tasted some of the bitter fruit that this world produces is disturbing.

But don’t kiss him!

And if you do, veil your eyes so that he doesn’t look into them as I once did.

Don’t kiss him!

Because what lies within a kiss is a trust that boarders on the edge of love,

And what lies within losing your love is a mentality that boarders insanity.

And I could lose you through a kiss,

Lose you through a kiss,

Lose you through a kiss,

And in turn lose myself.

Have you ever been love sick? Disconsolate because of unrequited love, sorrowful because of love due to you that is not forth coming?

I miss you!

I say this with weight. Although this word, in this context deems to be superficial. In fact, all words that the corporeal aspect of my being uses are superficial. Stamping upon the surface for entry, only to watch my soul embrace my feelings and emotions and utter their response in clarity.

Does it awe you that my soul is the only part of my being that explains how I feel with any real clarity?

Oh, how inadequate sometimes is this gift of the human body; entombing the essence of our being in that which dies. Unable to talk the language of the ethereal, what we say is merely symbolic to what we feel. Playing charades with a passion that often causes man to ****.

I ask, “Is this safe?”

But life is not safe. I could die as my pen massages this leaf, leaving an unfinished ode to the cause of my grief.

You must spiritually kiss me to mentally grasp what I’m trying to say. And through those lips without color or texture escape my pain.

I miss you!

I used to say
That it didn't really strike me
As unusual or odd in any way
When people would look at me askance
Without a second thought or glance
As too what I was doing with you
Walking around with the sky blue
And the weather hot as a desert
And us bundled like in a blizzard,
But the truth I've always kept hidden
Was that I know what was flippant
For you was actually a great trial to me.

I used to say
That the tremors and shakes
My hand gets when I talk to strangers
On the bus, train, taxi, or airplane
Were just due to the excess caffeine
I had consumed to keep me alert and breathing,
But the fact of the matter I never shared
Was that I was more than a little scared
Of being near, interacting with, relating to
People.

I used to say
I was okay...

I think you get my point
Without me having to spell it out,
Or do I have use the words
I'm not accustomed to?
The words I've refused to say
For going on two decades
Because I determined that nobody cared
Enough to listen to my voice
Unless I was pretending to be great
Like everyone else,
But that's just a masquerade--
One that I'm tired of dancing in now.

I used to say
I was okay.
But the truth is I'm not.
And I need some help.

Tell me I'm a puzzle piece because you won't know me until you have all the pieces.
Stop tossing your opinions because I bat them away every time I prove you wrong and I've never taken a home run without the help of my friends.
But these days my friends aren't really my friends, the way a smile isn't sincere if you are holding a knife behind your back.
Give me a jolt and not the ****** kind of railway tracks down wrists made of flimsy veins because I'm not going anywhere without your help.
I took down all the mirrors and threw away all the sharp edges.
I'm becoming a better version of myself.
We are all trapped in our reflections and for some reason, we don't see ourselves.
Maybe I just want someone to turn around and look me in the eyes so deep, they could see the water buckets behind them about ready to brim over.
They'd tell me "you're gonna be fine" and for some reason id smile and walk away like I haven't been dragging the world on a string that was ready to snap like the way you do because you don't get how my mind works.
I'd bring my shoulders up a notch and eventually the smiles would come naturally.
It's so easy sometimes.
You're gonna be fine.

what if theres another earth
about 9 trillion miles from this earth
where everything isn't what it is
and everyone isn't who they are


and in that another form of life,
there's another you & me.
this time, the feelings i have for you is requited & the daydreams i dream every day is happening.

and if that is real then i'm happy.
because it's nice to think that in another life, i can be happy.
and that's all i want for me.