Will I be
Genuinely happy?
Or will I look back
Back in remorse
Or Regret
The fear of being unhappy
In the end
I want to feel accomplished
Feel the love I dream about
Have the happy ending I fantasize about
About having children
Being married
And abundantly successful
Being successful

"i love you, mom"
i feel like that shouldnt be a lie
i feel like you should be able to say that with full honesty

but i cant

i hate her with all my heart
i never wanna see her again

shes the reason for all my tears
for all my self-hatred
and for all my sadness

not all can be a mom
and i feel that i dont have one

11.45pm
hi, guess what i'm listening to country music right now
and i cant text you because my parents took my phone and laptop:(
so ill just write this and you can read it later
i love you

11.50pm
i just ran dowstairs amd almost tripped and died
but its like all good
i had to get my chocolate milk
imma watch cat videos until im tired

12.00am
okay well i lied
i started watching horror movie trailers and now im scared
im still listening to country
im soo bored

12.20am
jeez my parents just came home because they forgot their keys for something and somehow noticed i was up and gave me sleeping pills
so i kinda wanna die but its all good
i just listened to the song H.O.L.Y and now 16 is playing
not a bad song

12.25am
i was thinking about how you always say opposites attract
and like thats not wrong because we're really different people
but like i was thinking about it
and i think i kinda get it now
we're opposite, or at least we were before we started dating but we kinda tried to like the stuff the other person likes
like i wouldve never started listening to country if it wasnt for you
and you probably wouldnt have tried listening to the music i like
and you probably wouldnt have tried to write poetry
so like i think thats why people say opposites attract, because we show eachother new stuuf and like idk

12.32am
well i just remembered i have a health test tomorrow so i should probably study but i cant do that tomorrow in the morning or later

ughhhh im still not tired
oh guess what?
i love you soooooooo much
and youre amazing and great and one of my favourite people

1.00am
okay well the pills are really kicking in now
so goodnight
i love you

i remember when i was little
i used to go to the public library all the time
in the kids' section
there were these 3 books full of scary stories
i swear i got them every time i went there
i loved them
even though it scared the **** of me as a little kid
i guess i was just getting myself ready
for the demons that would show up in my head