I'm awake, no sleep in sight
5:45am. The cogs keep turning and the fog keeps burning and I find myself
Wide eyed. In love.
I inhale the darkness with every breath, breathing deeper than usual
I inhale this smoke with a vengeance
Fresh air. For once in my ******* life I feel whole
Is it you?
Is it the shade?
Is it the love we made?

Don't make me go to sleep because I know when I wake it will be gone. Let me stay. Let me soak. Keep me woke.

the very distant stars
are much closer
than you think

His eyes were like
clocks that stopped
spinning the moment
she stared into them.
The universe halted.
All things began to breathe
each others stillness.
To her: it was a simple,
blue, eternity.

taking advantage
of it being warmer than negative
taking advantage and
absorbing the sunset's gradient
I could actually feel it on my skin
teasing me like it's ridding me of my sin

because I've got the sense
that you're around
but that's what these new scents do to me
the snow melts away the blockage in my memory

but nostalgia always finds a way in
and I'm the predator looking for a sniff...
I'd crush it up if I could...
snort it straight if I knew you would

because I want to you to think of me
when the snow melts from the trees
but I want to you think of me
before you think of the speed

years turn into moments and
collectively they resemble something bigger
and I'm constantly arguing
with myself, to myself,
to forgive her

taking advantage
and staying warm in my darkness
taking advantage and
learning to speak less

I'd like to think this point in my life
is a period between two parenthesees
a pause for alternative thought to form
& the rest of the story will come back shortly
because I'm tired of feeling this unwell
it's filling up in the pits of me
and I'm gripping on to memories
of when you gave a **** about me
...as if I still give a **** about you
because that's only partly true

you tapped my shoulder
and whispered in my ear

"thats wrong. fix it"

my gaze followed
your long, boney finger
down to the skewed papers
on the desk next to mine

i simply shook my head and answered with
"no, thats not mine to touch"

i started to ignore
your fervent tapping and whispering
but it moved up
to screaming and shaking my body
i couldnt hold myself back any longer

i quickly grabbed the papers
and filed them
making sure they were neat
before setting them back down

you were happy
it was casual
it was normal

so i started to
live by your rules
letting your gentle taps and whispers
tell me what to do

i would fold my gym clothes
in the same order every day
i would sanitize my hands
before and after every single class
i would fix peoples binders, paper, and pencils
just to please you

then it changed

others started to laugh
mess up the clothes i neatly folded
push my papers out of order
hold me back
as they made everything crooked
watching me struggle against their hands
as i tried to break free
to fix it all

you were screaming
telling me how those fingertips
were touching my body
infecting me

you were violently shaking me
saying how wrong the mess was
that i had to fix it

fix it
fix  it
fix it

i still do as you say
abide by your rules
the laughing and taunting
has disappeared now
as i freely fix my things

theres the occasional question and statement
"why dont you just leave it?"
"it isnt that important"
"the mess wont affect you"

none of them know
of you looming behind me
a strict ruler of my mind
telling me they were wrong

no
none of them will know
they wouldnt never understand
how important your pure touches and words are
to the filthy, messy place
that is my mind

a girl with golden earrings
black hair
her sister is not laughing
I'll take my mum with me
where the Jasmines go
the girl with golden earrings
in a blue skirt
will die in the middle of her balloons
with no memory of her stories
'' don't play with the water tap
look at you
a wet mouse you are
oh cute naughty babe
how playful you are
how playful you
it's good to learn
look I'm drawing a flower
where's my yellow pen ?
i want to draw a nightingale ''

دختری که گوشواره هایش طلایی بود
رنگ موهایش سیاه
خواهرش نمی خندد
من مادرم را با خود خواهم برد
به جایی که یاسمن ها می میرند
دامنش آبیست
دختری که گوشواره هایش طلایی بود
میان بادبادک هایش خواهد مرد
قصه هایش یادش نبود
با شیر آب بازی نکن ))
نگا تو مثله موش شدی
نازی شیطون بلا
چقد تو بازیگوش شدی
چقد تو بازیگوش شدی
خوبه از من یاد بگیری
ببین دارم گل می کشم
مداد زرد من کجاست
می خوام یه بلبل بکشم
(( می خوام یه بلبل بکشم

Why The wetness in my eyes
could not be drawn ?!!

چرا خیسی چشمانم نقاشی نمی شدند !؟