I already have certain years
that constitute my life
CT, MA to NY

All the tiny things I did
Shape me into this version of me
Writing on a laptop at night

Yes, I feel like
I have seen enough things
Done a lot, good at being broken- hearted
Maybe could've broken more hearts.

Truth is, probably not.
I learn to accept fate as they come
Yes, sometimes I try to veer it towards the way I want

But life is never about
Achieving what you want
Rather, use the things you got
And turn it into everlasting , mesmerizing
Splendid sparks.

Am I cheesy being only 26?
Or you're sneering at me,
Ha you're not that young?

I look up for a sign and an inspirational quote
To only see myself in the mirror smiling back
and the past ghosts at the end of the tunnel

He said he does not want a relationship
I said I don't want my future baby to have ugly teeth
He said he will marry me for a million
But I said I don't want our baby to go to Harvard
He said, ***** Harvard!What about Princeton?

Do I always have to be heart broken to write something great?

Can I ever settle down without being bland?

All these guys I date, with whom I've shared a bed

either fuel up or dry down my energy to create.

Too many guys with names that start with M.

too many uncontrollable goodbyes that I hate.

Oh Matt you're one of them, one that I tried to hold onto ,
but in vain.

Life is life and no one knows what lies ahead, so for now,

I will just put my head on your chest,
then we can drink some tea and go to a play.

He's probably the closest thing to love
I feel him in me.
I would love to be with him but now know that I don't have to.
Cause he's love and I feel him.
He's the closest thing to freedom
The view of clear blue sky from my caged life
His eyes.
He's the closest thing to sun,
Radiates and warms me up.
He's the closest thing to summer nights, liberated and fun.
He is love, he is freedom and the sun.
He's heartache, raindrops and rainbows after storms
He is the closest thing to my heart and a boyfriend.

I painted my nails ultraviolet, color of the year
Sitting at my desk

Thinking about you, I read some books
Mark went by and asked how was my New Year?

"I went to watch fireworks", which wasn't true
he said, "I don't think you'll come to my neighborhood"

Staring at the monitor, thinking about you.
It is only 20 degree, I shouldn't go out to get lunch.
But I could paint my nails ultraviolet.

Got off work early, I carry the basket that I use to put my lunchbox in.
You're still in salt lake city,so I went for a mani,
and paint my nails ultraviolet

I should stop obsessing over you
I tried.
I even made a boyfriend , for three months while you're away.
I thought now that you're out of my mind.
But just when I learned that you're coming back in January
All memories resurface as we were talking about work,and life.
You always say we are still young but i don't think so.
We are 25 Michael. 25. I should stop obsessing over you.
But i can't.so well, you know.

Dear Drew, Baby Blue
I'm no T swift but I write what I feel to.
I remember the way you said "oh boy" that time when they played
"look what you made me do".

Dear Drew,
I rode by National Gallery of Art this afternoon
Where we had our first date in the middle of June
It was the day with the sky like your baby blue

I rode by your place on Vermont Avenue
But now autumn leaves flying around and blocked my view

Summer night running on the Mall
Trying to kiss you in front of Lincoln Memorial
Now I ride alone.

Dear Drew , Baby Blue
Were you happy with me, that I will never know
We have not spoken in a while

Dear God, can you take me back to June
When we first met and everything was in bloom.
When we were in West Virginia and cooped up in that hotel room.

Dear Drew, how are you
How do you like Indian food?
I told you we could not work out
and the reality finally beats us

We had each other, but now what am I holding onto?
Can we talk ?pleas say sure I'd love to.

He is a boy with an all American look
But his heart is always somewhere else
He plays football in high school
Not a captain but always steals the show
O, Michael

He comes from a suburb of Detroit
Dreaming of going to Ford Field
but only for a little little while
He goes to Red Wing's game with his dad and bro
O boy from the North,  Michael

He studies Psychology at college
That's why he always reads through me
He loves to talk he loves to sing
but he never kissed me on my lips
O, Michael

Can you send me a message
just telling me how you have been?
How's the weather in China and how's everything?
Do you like the food there?or have you met any girls
that praised you on your look?

I will graduate in two weeks, thanks for asking.
How much I hope you can be here with me.
If you were here, we could go to that newly open place on Baltimore Ave
I guess you might like it, it looks like Honey&Milk.
Is my address still in your Google Map, and is my number there still?

How's your mom and your grandma?
Did Amy get over her heartbreak?
Well how did you know that the teenage love she had wasn't real?
Three months later here I am
Trying to deny my love for you.
O, Michael.
When are you coming back?
Michael.