Darkness enters slowly,
tears fall quietly, the hopelessness
is beginning to fade now.

Silence tears at my weak soul
words attack my feeble mind
ice eats my skin away - again

It's so cold here in this white place
especially to those of us with hearts of stone

Longing for inspiration
weeping for freedoms wasted
asking what went wrong - why we're here
none of it helps in the slightest

There has been no sight of sun
in at least three long years

Our loving whispers still linger
the smell of your sugary coffee
clings to me like I did to you
when they dragged me away - again

Nightmares on a rampage - eyes wide open
lucid dreams dead forever - like us

One hopeful flame and security enters
can I have no innocence ever -
have these words truly been forbidden?

Last night I found the ring
you gave me last April
when you learned about my collection;
the growing obsession. . .

It feels like the kind
you find at flea markets
by mistake,
but you buy it
because no matter what else
you look at
it haunts you, the unknown story
is captivating.

I don't think it was
originally yours
and you're not someone
I can see at a flea market.

But of all the rings
in my collection,
the one from you
is my favorite.

So someday
when my collection goes off
to someone else
the piece from you
will go to a child
in my family,

maybe a niece
or a nephew,

and I will whisper,
"This belonged to someone
someone I love once knew,
I kept it safe for so long,
I saved it for you."

With a deep breath
I will add,

"I don't know
where all the scars
came from,
or if you will like it,
but I hope you
at least understand."

Just give up,
Stop caring -im a lost cause.
Just forget it,
Love kills - i want to feel strong.
let sadness take me -
And happiness fade so far away.
Let pain feast up
Make it last forever, please.
Listen to me -
I dont need your love.
Watch me closely -
I am okay without you!
There are places Ill never go
Experiences Ill never have
Believe me- im good with that.
I like the way
Sadness tastes.
I am addicted to
This pain.
Just give it up already
Im a lost ******* cause.

There once was a time that I created
a new language with everyone I met
that I wanted to keep around. Together
we'd make up new words to describe
the things we felt that we knew others
would never understand and we used
inside jokes and silly things that happened
to make sense of other things or to forget
things that hurt more than we cared
to admit. For a while the people I met and I
would explore town and claim little hideouts
as our own and everyone got one
but no one ever shared the location

with anyone else.

We would meet at sunrise or sunset
depending on the day and talk about all the things
everyone else would think us bratty or stupid
or whatever for saying. Where we would write
and paint, laugh and cry, give birth and die
just a little more each time. But it was never
meant as a bad thing. When I was younger
I talked to people and I knew what happiness was

but when my teacher taught me
about the taste of ink and the feel of keys
beneath my fingers I traded reality for
what I could create myself. I longed for a story
better than dreams and kinder than the
real thing. But I quickly became addicted
to that feel. Now I'm sitting behind a
brightly lit screen opening healed wounds
and cutting into my veins as I search for

new ways to say the things poets have beat me to
by centuries and trying to convey the cruelty
of this world around me that really isn't
all that cruel. And I really don't think you
are able to comprehend this but I thought
if anyone would listen to me it would be you.

And I figured if I was going to bleed out tonight
this would be the best canvass.

Thank you for all of your kindness
and love. Thank you for only ever believing
in me and wishing me the best. Thank you
so much for everything. I will not let you down

this time.

Words wander diwn linely paths
through my unexplainable mind
And along barren veins hiding
In the shadows that were once
My heart.

Simple, tired rhymes linger
at a party long over and dead
As cliche lines dance night
After night in the abandoned
Clubfor grumpy eyes and
Inebriated crowds outside
Outaide what was once
My soul.

I am dyimg to write, to
Get it out of my system
So I no longer have to
think if you, thats all
The voices remind me of now.

You should be here agaim,
I think you should write more
but Caligraphy's calling me
Over and over again to
come home and write.

But its not home
without you.

Caligraphy's calling ...
Caligraphy's calling...
Caligraphy's calling us home.

The lightning will flash
so thunder can pound
but I know that I
know I am safe and sound.

Although I do wish that
you weren't quite so far
because things would be
warmer if I were with my star.

I miss you night and day
I wish things weren't this way
so maybe I'd know the truth
and what you meant to say.

The wind will blow
so the drops can fall
but I'm alright even
though this place is small.

God wouldn't let me
die just because a storm
surly he wouldn't take me
before she is born.

She will be good,
she will grow up strong
as soon as this passes
and I hear a better song.

Love, come find us,
we've always waited here
get to us please
we're losing to fear.

The lightning will flash
so the thunder can pound
but this time I don't think
we are safe or sound.

Being with you is like dancing on water
inside the darkened theatre of death
like playing the part of a college student
just trying to get through initiation
with some stupid frat or sorority
I know I don't belong in, but join anyway
just to shut my parents up again.

It's like playing with money in the middle
of the busy streets found in places like
London and New York, but of course you -
you wouldn't understand an analogy like that;
you've never been anywhere have you love?

'Cause you're just another caged songbird
singing for someone else's freedom
instead of your own cause that's what lovers do
when they're in love. But I have to say,

I love being with you - it's like dancing on water
and playing with money; watching strangers
turn their heads in awe and screaming
words they don't even agree with in some kind of
falsified disgust because that's what happens
in death's theatre and on the busy streets of
places way too big for their own good.

It's something so unique,
something completely different from everything else
I've ever known and I think it's time you knew that.

Someone has an answer
where are they and who?
I need one, don't you?

warm colors light my way
as I walk around town
looking for something
to do with my day.

There's not many people out
cause it is beginning to rain
and this street's dangerous
there's people outside looking in.

I don't know how they
can see us or what they think
they see anyway, but
their eyes keep accosting us.

Some of wonder and delight
others cold and dark as night,
there's chatter coming through
the frame like an open window too.

warm colors light my way
as I scratch my head and
think of something good to say,
who are these people?

Why do some laugh, like they
want to take my place while
others cry as if seeing this way
reminds them of their own pain?

Don't leave me.

Not unless you want a war,
this cant be the time or place
and its been years since our
last encounter face-to-face.

Don't say goodbye.

Not unless you want to ****,
**** the soul of a little girl
who's not so little anymore
and still has space to uncurl.

Don't push it.

Not unless you long for anger,
cause I will bust and you will lose
I'm stronger than I look but
uglier than you'd think to choose.

Don't ask why.

Not unless you want to know,
that the girl you love is dead
and that she's forever been broken
because she couldn't get you outta her head...

Here's the end.

Because you said goodbye
and you really did move on
it hurts like hell, but its what
you wanted so I'll be ok while you're gone.

Just know:

I'll always love you

Mirror, mirror on the wall
who's the fairest of them all?
Oh her name is Madison Rene'
but what else can you say?

Tell me now, is she alone
has she ever had a home?
Is she a broken little kid
or is she a winning guy's bid?

Does anyone at all care for her
anyone who would show for sure?
Has she ever seen true love
even from someone up above?

Mirror, mirror on the wall
who's the kindest of them all?
It's that girl Madison Rene'
is she the only one with emotions at bay?

Tell me does this girl scare
does she know what its like to care?
Is she truly a kid at heart
or has her innocence been ripped apart?

Why is she so badly hurt,
how did she become their dirt?
When did this happen here
cause all her life she's hid in fear.

Mirror, mirror on the wall
who's the most broken of them all?
Of course it's this Madison Rene'
but will she ever be really okay?

I hate the way i trusted you
I hate that youre not a good friend
And youre never very kind
I hate the way you let things end

I hate your awful laugh
And the way you make me cry
I hate the way you always joke
I hate that you wouldnt let me die

I hate your stupid neon shoes
I hate the names you called me
I hate all your ******* friends
Theyre just so **** creepy

I hate that you arent around
And that you never did call
Mostly though I hate the way I dont hate you
Not even a little, not even at all

Maybe I write to rhyme
in meter and fair time,
I'll use cryptic phrasing
to describe my vision hazing.
Perhaps I'll run away
inside the words I say,
or bring you back
and not give you flack.
I could alliterate life
and cloak the fearsome strife.
But tonight I'll write
to forget our fight;
imagining your smile
or us playing a while.
You don't know it
but I am a poet,
wrapping you up in
my web, not so thin

You...

You are such a good actor,
I never would have guessed
that you of all people didn't
realize you were so blessed.

I didn't see how scared you are,
how weak they made you feel.
Love, I never thought of you
as someone waiting to heal.

I gave you everything I had
taught you all that I know.
Tore my heart apart for you
and you still think I'm gonna go?

You...

You seem so strong and kind
with a soul so magnificent and pure.
Like nothing can touch you
but you're broken for sure.

I am a journal... people write
their secrets in blood on me.
They become my secrets and thoughts,
hoping this will set them free.

They are so much to bare though
every day they eat me away.
Babe, I love you, your worries are safe
but they'll **** me anyway.

You...

You had so much potential
to be so much more than this.
Believe me, you still do too,
just wait Life has some bliss.

Happy birthday,

May your smile outshine
the beautifully dancing
sun in the perfect blue skies

today.

What's it like?

To be another year older
and finally free as the birds
we used to watch from the

open field?

I wonder if

you have plans with the girl
of your dreams or tickets to
the concert down town of

your favorite band.

But whatever

the day holds for you
I hope it is amazing,
happy birthday my love.

Look closer, what do you see?
A little girl laying on the floor
flooding herself in tears,
glancing cautiously at the door.

Does she have red on her arm?
Is it in a dash or streak?
Is it like the broken heart and
blackened soul at which you peek?"

That's what was whispered into
my ear one cold, damp winter's night,
though who whispered I do not know,
but it put me in such fright.

There was a house before me,
I watched through the window,
at the poor girl that had nothing,
not even a faint, friendly shadow.

All of a sudden the room
was caught in a crimson blaze,
garnished by golden tassels
and smoke making my sight haze.

The girl did not move,
in fact, she looked dead.
So being a good, kind man
ran into help instead of fled.

I went to pick her up and take
her away from this awful place,
when a man came in with a frown
and scars across his reddened face.

"Drop her!" He commanded,
"No!" I hollered with fear
wavering in my soft voice.
The girl had one final tear.

As the other man spoke,
it rolled down my scrawny hand
I knew right then that
Death had taken her to his land.

She had tasted the bitterness
of Death's enticing kiss,
how could it be though,
she was too young to end like this.

"Why won't you listen?"
The man called through the flames.
I swallowed hard, "She's gone,
I wonder who gets all the blames."

Just then a shot rang out,
a bullet raced toward the dad
and just barely missed.
somehow though he wasn't mad.

The fire still raged about
and we still yelled and fought.
The more passion I showed,
the more the fire got hot.

so I took the girl and ran,
I ran until I could run no more.
Her father chased after,
but didn't make it out the door.

"Thank you sir,"
The whisper cried again,
"I owe you my life,
though this is my end."

"Oh no dear,
You owe none.
That man was wrong
now his life is done.

I'm glad you are free,
but does that really mean
you have to leave, for good?"
crying as if on the silver screen.

"I have no where to go,
no one to stay with,
no more love or care.
Though death is a myth.

But yes, I must leave,"
She cried more than I.
I said, "I'll love you,
just don't say goodbye."

With this she took my hand
stood for the first time,
wrapped her tiny arms around me,
"If you think it'd be fine."

I pointed down at the town,
showed her my tiny home,
took her in as mine and
told her she'd never be alone.

The next day, we woke
to birds singing, sun
shining, and a friend,
now knowing to have fun.

one after the other you sit
and you drink and drink trying
to drown your pathetic sorrows
away. I always found it funny
how you would be fine one moment
and smashed the very next.

It doesn't take a lot to
get you inebriated or lost
in the prison that is your mind
built by your own design and still
you get trapped. My god, how
much more stupid could you be?

They always say that you're
just human and I'm being too
******* you. They just don't
understand what it's like being
a kid watching brother **** himself.

You don't get what it's like
to be a child able to do nothing
when someone important is hurting
themself purposely night after
night just because daddy never gave
him things he asked for and mommy
was never home. I'm sorry, you don't.

At least when I grow up,
I'll be elegantly wasted unlike
you. I will be able to hold my
own and to know exactly when
I have gone far enough. Rather than
too far, the way you always do.

My heart goes out to you,
I hope you'll come back safe
again tonight. Though it does
no good, because any coming night
I know is going to be your last.

Why can't you be like mom,
like your friends? Why can't you
drink until you're numb instead
of dead? Why can't you be a lovely
intoxicated monster, because I can't
take the you that comes back acting
as if you're going to **** yourself.

Hunter, why can't you be like
us? Would it **** you to be
elegantly wasted instead of this?

There's a man who stands on the dock
every night staring at the water as he
runs his finger across the pendant she
used to wear. It's blue in a silver binding
he gave it to her not long after they met.

It was a cold day in town, he was getting
groceries and she was window shopping
with her daughter, just to pass some time.
He could feel the rain slipping down and
shattering between them. Now, he's all

alone. With nothing but a pendant and the
place they used to call a castle not a home.

Everyone knows
that you love her so much.
There are sparks without a touch
and the love only grows.

Dear friend,
she loves you too;
she's just waiting on you,
so the friendship won't end.

Four years,
that's how long you've waited
for a girl completely unjaded,
held back only by your fear.

Make a move,
tell her your little secret,
I promise she'll keep it.
See your together in this groove.

Love her,
love her at all rates
after all you are soul mates
of this I am more than sure.

Hand in hand,
for you this should be
its time for you to break free,
together as one you'll always stand.

So say
all that you feel
and know this love is real,
there's no risky price to pay.

Be yourself
she loves you as you are,
you are her superstar
perfect without wealth.

Do it now,
wait and the chance will fade
and I'll wonder if I should've stayed.
By the way, do not ask how.

He and she,
that's you two lovey dovey birds,
she blushes even without words,
together you should forever be.

There is peace here;
serenity in terrific color,
your music dances but clears
my plagued little mind.
There is peace here.

Whispers walk delicately
across silver tight ropes
in the most perfect way.

Love abundantly laughs here
people hug and kiss
none are cast away
because there is peace here.

Angles tell of hope
Children muse of happiness,
Light flickers softly as
rain drops beautifully fall,
purity envelops those who ask.

There is peace here -
with you.

Heartbeat,
Beat, Beat, Beating
as you must
to keep us going.

Heartbeat,
Beat, Beat, Beating
me a lullaby
when Sleep is late.

A sign of love,
of wholeness
and protection,
pure beauty.

Heartbeat,
Beat, Beat, Beating
keeping time
with our breathing.

Heartbeat,
Beat, Beat, Beating
thank you, Love,
it's complete perfection.

Listen to the thunder,
hear the steady beat of the drum.
Watch the lightning,
as it dances across the ebony sky.
Advise the warnings of the rain,
they are wise, much wiser than I.
See the trees sway,
in the cool, crisp breeze,
as though they were praying.

The flowers will thank you
for your kindness.
They can sense emotion
through the Earth's vibrations.
All the bugs will
soon come out to play,
for they love a moistened stage.

Little kids will splash
in the crystal muddy waters.
Moms and dads will fight
uselessly against the games.

I will be smiling,
maybe singing.
Rain helps me think,
it led to this piece.

When it's all over
the sun will shine yet again
inviting birds to chirp
and butterflies to cloud the skies.

And this is our fabulous world,
it's nice to know we haven't
destroyed everything that once was.

If I were a snowflake...

I would no longer be
the odd girl out,
or have the human
desire of payback.
I would like that,
to be a snowflake
would be amazing.

Maybe I could land
in a glistening field
of memories somewhere
in Germany, or fall
in front of a beautiful
Sunset on Alaska's
last winter day.

If I were a snowflake
I wouldn't mind it at all.

Monday is still asleep,
Tuesday tries to wake him gently,
when she can.
Wednesday doesn't know what to think,
he's very emotional.
Thursday councils him to no avail.
Friday is quite a handful,
but a cute one,
for she is the baby.
Saturday tries to be a "good boy"
yet he doesn't even know what that is.
Sunday, well, she is a stay at home mom,
that lost her husband to a war way back when. She prays day and night that
her children will have good lives,
but she does not believe it is possible.

January is the oldest of the months,
though he doesn't really care.
February is a hoplessly lost romantic.
March is lucky, but far too realistic for her taste. April dances across the lawn
in the rain
and smiles all the time,
even when she is not happy in the slightest.
May is haughty and he doesn't get it.
June sings songs outside of July's window,
he is trying to win her heart.
August, the loner,
does well in school and carries a million issues. September secretly loves him,
but is too shy to say.
October the prankster pranks us all
but never gets into trouble.
November is thankful
for the tears and laughs alike
but not for himself.
As for myself,
I am December,
they say I am low-key with a heart of gold,
but I think not.

In a way we are a family
and we mean the world to each other.
Though we do not share the blood,
we fight,
we cry,
we bleed,
we tear each other apart
when the moment feels right.
One day people will know
just who we are, but for now,
I guess this is as good as it gets.

Footprints along the shore
Lead me somewhere new;
It feels like
....paradise
And at first it tasted
Good, now its too
...sweet.

Our sand castle still
...stands
Nestled safely farther
Back than the cove.

Sea **** washed up
Again, wove my feet
Together kindly,
Though I did not
....stop
Walking, trying to move
.... on.

A painted sky frames a
Golden sun's decent
As night stumbles in
...again.
Where did you go this
....time.

I thought we were better
For each other than this,
I thought we found
...paradise
For more than a split
....moment.

As I walk tears do
What tears do best...
They fall, drip, and
...slide
While waves crash,
gently erasing
....scars....

I know it's not poetry.
I know it isn't a story.
But maybe it is prose
or maybe it's a song.

Don't tell me it's not real
don't say it isn't right.
I really don't care what you say
this is for me, and you - not you!

I'm lying in a river
drowning in tears.
I'm climbing the mountain
facing all of my fears.

Don't say it,
I know what you're thinking.
I am who I am
and you can't stop me...

from expressing

Along a never ending path
I was walking without hope,
there was no reason to hurry
so I trekked on a while.
Until I came to a fork
in the road, I could take
left or right, either or,
then I saw a spider
strolling along side me.
He looked at me and smiled
"where are you headed?
Which will you choose,
cause one wrong move and
your life you will lose."
By his voice I was taken,
a spider that could talk
oh my, so not right in this place.
"Well, which way would you go?"
I mocked with anger
feeling the heat of deceit.
"That I cannot answer,
because this path is yours,
I already lived a full life,"
He answered speaking
more than just wisdom.
"Then why are you on
the same path as me,
running away like I am?"
I asked enthralled in rage
that spider was
wiser than even I.
But I turned left and he stayed
back, lingering in the silence
my rage paralyzed his words.
Before I got too far along
I turned back with a smile
thanked him and walked on.
Only a few moments later
I arrived in the land of
candy cane trees and
bubble gum skies.
Thank you Mr. Spider,
I am happy yet again.

And if you think that hiding behind
a flask full of anything you can get
for hours and hours
putting gallons of that potent ****
back each and every time you go
then you need to know
that won't help anything at all.

You think
that it's so ******* simple to
numb such a ******* sharp pain
then let me tell you it's not
because the only way to
feel nothing, the only way to truly
numb yourself is to die.

And if you think you can
take your life away and
nobody will ever care you
are wrong.

Anybody can drink their pain away
not everyone can live to share
the stories from the bar
every single ******* night
after work when no one else will
go home with you or say that
anything is going to be OK.

If you think your life is
worse than others, think about
starving Africans. If you still think
your life is worse you are truly more
****** up than I remember and
I want absolutely nothing to do with you.

That stupid flask is nothing more than
a reason to remember and weep
of everyone who wronged you,
when, how, and where.

It make you upset over
everyone you've ever lost
or had to say goodbye to.

It makes you so crazy that
you stand up and scream for
the entire bar to hear;
all the things they never said
that would have made everything OK
again before they took you to bed
and all the things you never
had the courage to say,
but wish you had because
maybe then they would have stayed
and maybe then you'd be ok.

but Love, oh my sweet,
sweet love, please don't go
back to bar tonight...

The devil's promise is all
I can remember
about our lovely summer.

So many midnights in
Rome running around
waiting for stars
that would never
show up on time.

All our confused illusions
painting a new sceen in
such an ancient place,
as we laughed with such
tenacity in the streets,
only to smile at all the
strange faces frozen in
that hillarious horror.

Or that afternoon
we were sitting outside
sipping coffee a little
too bitter, and that mad
man walked up to you
with his cryptic message;

"Watch out when she
cries, love never
causes tears so
perfect."

When we just looked
at each other in
confused amazement;
what exactly did
he mean anyway?

The memory book is
covered in a velvet
crush plum color that
reminds me of the shirt
you wore on the plane
trip home.

As hot as the sun was
and long as the days were,
I hope you still think
of it as fondly as I do;

Honestly and truly I
am pretty sure we
fell in love that strawberry

summer...

Every rose has a thorn,
but they are so beautiful.
How can something so small
be so extremely versatile?

Each one has a story,
they'll all be glad to share.
It's just so sad to know
that nobody would ever care.

You know what, words,
these words are pathetic.
There is no use to this pain
and I hate people empathetic.

All hearts are black,
so whats the point of love now?
Nobody will admit it
but we are all already dead somehow.

The world is ending,
not from 2012, but greed.
There were warnings long ago
warnings nobody had the sense to heed.

Oh forget this crap,
forget my words and all about me.
I think it'd be better if I died
and went off to forever be free...

Day after day
she goes about
her usual rut
thinking

that she is
the unlucky one,
once more
elegantly wasted
at the hand of a
never-ending flask.

And the gloves don't
come off anymore
because they are
all she has left to hide

what she can.

Broken daemons
make her miss
the last train home
as they convince
her that she's still
daddy's

princess

even though he's
been gone for years
without a single word.

She sings the
ballad of the
forgotten

as the Aztecs
laugh in their
pre - orthadox
graves with
knowledge of her
fate she has not
yet grasped.

But there is
still so much
hope for a

misguided

princess

in this world,
there is so
much potential
built up within her

beautifully

crafted

heart.

And the ashes can't be forgotten
because people can't forget
what they've been taught is
important but others stand there
listening not understanding.

That's how i feel.

I keep a camera in my bag
at all times, I never like to miss
the things going on that manage
to make me smile. Children playing tag
in the street while moms make dinner
or the way petals hang just right on a rose.

Honestly, there's a rhythm to the world
that artist capture on film every day
and all I'll ever ask is that you give me
the chance to be like that.

It's not something you can search for
and find so easy; there's more to it
than that, there's the adventure of getting to
the moment, the right place at the right time.
i keep a camera by my side everywhere I go
in case I find the kind of beauty
I can only wish I possessed.

But really,
in the end,
it's not so bad
hiding
behind the
camera.

She took a wrong turn on
the road to some see me,
ended up in California with hell to pay.
He handed her something to try
that made her feel so free.
Then she did it every night and all day,
claiming it was all she had.
Apparently she can;t see
she has family and friends
and of course she's always have me.
Her life was filled with smoke,
ash, pain, and she fell down the drain
now that her life is nothing
at all without smoke
and that **** they call dope.
I watched as she fell
faster and faster by the second,
nothing could stop her until
she finally reached inevitable hell.
Though she had no money
to pay the fairy man, yet he took
her away because her life was
already gone. Now she's stuck down below
never to be seen again, except in my book...

Mollie screams every night when I put her to bed,
"Mommy, don't leave me! Walk a little straighter, Daddy!"
I don't know what it takes to soothe her anymore,
nothing seems to do the trick to mend her heart's sore.

"I love you, sweetheart, I do,
Daddy always has,
together we always will,"

I tell her as I pull the sheets up to prevent
the deadly whispers from getting to her head;
such a perfect little girl now a destroyed
beauty, what happened here?

Was it the scarecrow she met at the fair this year, with it's wild eyes and mouth frozen in fear; could it have been the way she heard the
ocean whisper when we got lost on the waves?

she only has one life we
agreed and we know
so why's it so hard to live?

When I walk away she is fine, few moments later
He hears her cry as she asks, "Mommy, which direction
is home, mommy, which road will bring me back to you? Daddy, come help me please, where am I daddy? Which way do I go?"

I don't know what I can do
we lost her somewhere
in between hope and despair.

Some people cut
Others cry and scream
Most drink, but you
Do something more extreme.

You live above us
Watching this ****** up place
and you see so.much pain
Yet theres a smile on your face.

People get beaten down
I get pushed around
Like other children with
Dark bruises big and round.

Love, oh love, oh my love,
You're killing us all
Dont you see
We break more each fall.

Some people cut
Others cry and scream
most drink but you
Do something more extreme.

You love an laugh
Oh and how you lie
Awful friend seeing us
Hurt, why dont you cry?

This morning you asked me something
and I really didn't want to answer you
because it made me feel like a horrible person.

You asked if I was trying to push you away
like I did to everyone else at school,
you know I do it because you've seen it happen
and my make up started to run down my face.

"I don't try to," I said, "It just happens."
which is true, but I think some people
I wanted to more than I should be proud to say.

You, you are not one of them though,
which is why I am here writing something else
just for you, trying to make up for my mistakes
and as always, it's just too little, too late.


I'm just so confused.



I'm so sorry..

Even after all this time,
you are still my password,
the face staring back at me
every time I check my e-mail,
a voice whispering words
no one will ever say to me
as Sleep comes
to pull me away

gently.

They tell me you are gone,
that you won't be coming back
it's not like your vacation
across the pond or the summer
you moved back home.

You left clues for me
as you contemplated whether
I was strong enough on my own
or not, I see that now,
words and stories of hope
or encouragement
to hold me up in your
prolonged absence.

But they don't help me
because you were the kind
of person that changes a girl
without even trying.

Even after all this time,
you are still my password,
the face staring back at me
every time I check my e-mail,
a voice whispering words
no one will ever say to me
as Sleep comes
to pull me away

gently.

And if you are reading this
as you always did, I just hope
you know I miss you so
much more than words
can ever

explain.

I know its eavesdropping to look
through the keyhole on two people
in love when one's a stranger and
the other lives in your heart. But love's
such a fickle thing and games like that
are far too complicated to play.

You see, it's just one thing when
they are talking while rearranging
furniture and something entirely
different when they are kissing by
the fire. Look again though, tell me
tomorrow and wish me luck when
I whisper through tears that I still dream
of yesterday.

I miss the way things were then.

Don't sing our song to her between
flickering flames and wondering hands,
don't give her my hot tea or read her
those hand me down poems you wrote
for me first. Even remembering all those
slamming doors and random fights over
nothing at all don't make me want
anything better or different.

I know it's eavesdropping to look
through the keyhole in most
situations, but is that still the case
when you're just a doll on a shelf
bought for a girl you no longer know?

This morning someone called me asking to speak with you,
I sighed and explained that you haven't been here in
over a year. They apologized for my loss of such a remarkable soul
and said that they didn't mean to bother me it's just that
they saw you recently. You were looking worse than ever,
unhealthy, unhappy, broken even and they wanted to tell you
that you are still the most beautiful person they have ever known.

Even in your pain. So I'm sure you'll never listen to this message,
but ***, if they were able to find you, please, give them a chance
if you're not already in someone else's arms because it's so rare
to meet someone who can find pure, genuine beauty in a soul
instead of a body. And there was something in their voice,
something so honest, so kind that they are so much more than
someone to hold on to.

Because people who find pure, genuine beauty are among
the rarest in the world.

And you deserve nothing less
than perfection.

When she smiles
the whole world lights up
and it lasts a while
that will never end.

But she sparkles and glows
when she laughs and even
those in heaven and below
are filled with joy.

Gloom and doom
don[t stand a chance
when she is in the room,
so don't even try it.

I wish you could see
the twinkle in her eye
and all that she brings me,
whenever she is happy.

No matter what she does
its cute and I wish to
make this last forever cause
she is the best thing to me.

Once shes up there's no
turning back and be ready,
cause my god will there be a show
with her you have to have fun.

She has a halo and wings
and shes always in a good mood
I love how her laugh rings
cause she is my angel.

Hey Love, I miss you,
when are you coming to visit
me again, in our tiny little town.

The streets are busier
and no one seems as nice
now that you are gone.

Hey Love, I need you,
how are you today and
are you still smiling?

Children throw sticks and stones
at animals and at me, their
parents to mind it now.

Hey Love, I love you,
why do you have to be
so far away all the time?

The sun burns too bright
the nights too cool
without you by my side.

Hey Love,
will I ever see
or hear from you, again?

Mom,

I borrowed your monkey sweatshirt
the one that smells like smoke,
with holes in the sleeve and
more memories than anything else.

Don't get mad,
it just reminds me of you

I'll watch as the moon comes up
and the sun goes down,
it reminds me of us that night
we sang and danced all around.

I wish we could re-paint
our lives and the one we shared,
but that's really hard to do when
there wasn't a second that you cared.

The moon reflects my heart,
I try so hard to be the sun
yet somehow I'm always short
not to mention that I'm no fun.

I'll listen as they chatter about
all the silly things going on
around this little old town
nothing matters now that you're gone.

I wonder if you miss me
even half as much as I miss you,
cause I cry by the river every night
kinda like you used to do.

The water looks so beautiful
why am I poisoning it with my tears?
Is this what you did too
or am I just succumbing to my fears?

I'll smell the cupcakes across the street
but I promise I won't buy one,
nope not without you here with me
in fact I think I'm actually done.

Done with everything,
pain, crying, mostly though love.
I can't take it here alone
and forget the tale with the dove...

That only makes me think
about you more and more,
I'll just rebuild the wall
only this time there is no door.

Do the sun and moon
also feel love's everlasting pain
since they are so far away,
are their tears what we call rain?

There's nothing wrong. At least nothing I know of.
The tears just don't like my eyes. And my mind
is tired of developing blurry pictures -
its such a ******* waste of energy.

My shadow sits against the wall wondering when
I'll hand her off to a decent conversationalist,
even though walls will never talk and floor boards
just complain. I know it's all fun and games to you,
to them, to everyone else, but my mind just can't
pick up on that - just can't grasp why something
so cruel could ever be so funny. There's a person
stuck in the mirror staring back at me,
they say it gets better, but they've got the devil's
famous grin buried beneath countless layers of
make up and lies.

That stupid voice in my head, the one deeper than my own,
the one everyone knows to ignore - everyone that is but me,
reminds me just how tiny i am in this great big world. It's like
my mind doesn't know when to stop, the pain brings more pleasure
than the strangers calling me pretty as they offer to
buy me some fruity drink down the block (I love the look
on their faces when I end downing **** stronger than their own.)
there's nothing wrong. At least nothing I know of.

I just woke up today and realized that i'm not who I thought I was.

That I'm not who you think I am.

I am just another
impostor
in your bed.

The stranger has chocolate eyes
......and
...........a crooked smile...

He lost his heart a long
..... time ago
............. To a woman who lost her soul.

I wasn't looking for trouble this time
.... But
........... it found me anyway.

He called me Sweetheart, Baby
..... for a while
.......... Nothing ever lasts too long.

We thought we were butterflies
....forgetting
........... that they fly alone.

He was crazy, I knew it
.... Yet
....... That never seemed to matter.

Then one day things went
...... too far
........... when he overstepped boundaries.

He thought it was fun
... to embarrass
.......... girls like me.

Now I'm glad he's gone
.... Because
........... he stole my wings.

You started learning a song
titled "Never forget" you began
this endeavor before we ever met.

You showed it to me when I
wasn't feeling well because
you thought the piano would
make my headache go away.

You always did a better job of
making me feel better from far
away than anyone near by ever
really could - thank you for that.

I swore to myself that I
would never forget
you because of that skill.

Because of that beautiful song
from such a horrifying game.

And so far, I haven't, but I think,
I think you have and that breaks
my heart every time you cross my mind.

Right now I am listening to that song,
the one with more beauty than words
can describe and more meaning
than the writers intended with the title

"Never Forget"

and I hope that you
have not forgotten
me just yet.

The wind can blow and the snow can fall,
I'll watch as the land is covered
in a sparking, dazzling white blanket.
But here I'll stay, once and for all.

I'm tired of standing alone,
waiting for someone to be my friend,
like you did so many years ago.
Though, then, I was without a home.

You built me up and showed me fun,
told me you'd always be by my side
but somewhere along the way, you
ran away and our friendship was done.

I decided to run away like you,
however I ran from everything
and everyone even myself.
You made it seem like the thing to do...

For days on end I ran away,
through the blinding storm and
freezing cold, scared outta my mind.
Yet I longed for pain to stay.

Somehow I found a big crooked tree,
sturdy and calm with nothing
for miles around, except a grassy ground.
I sat down and made it a part of me.

Forever this would be my home
hiding me in the shadows of its
huge trunk and letting me stay
quiet and alone.