I know I'm being selfish,
I know he's your best friend.
You say I shouldn't be jealous,
Or wish for his life to end.

But, my love, that doesn't change a thing for me.
I still hate him with all I have, unfortunately.
I wanted to give you an ultimatum;
You can be with me or you can hang with him.

But that wasn't fair to you.
So tell me, what do I do?
For I must consider, what is fair to me too.
And stop fantasizing- about slicing his face in two.

If you'd been unfaithful with someone worthy,
I think it'd be different.
If it'd been someone on a level with you and me-
Not this **** of the earth, your best friend.

It shouldn't **** me to see you two talk together.
I shouldn't still wish to watch him die of cancer.
But, my darling, you know I still do.
I can't stop hating him like I can't stop loving you.

My thoughts frizz and sizzle away incoherently
Killed too soon by my anxiety.
You asked what's wrong with me
And thought I was exaggerating when I said everything.

Write. Write it down- make it rhyme.
That'll clear my mind
Stop the darkness from clawing it's way outside.
Make a list- that's what she makes me do.
Make lists for everything from weekly chores to properly cleaning each room.
Lists lists lists lists lists.
I can't take this.

Anxiety. That's something wrong with me.
Why right now I'm crying in fetal position shaking violently.
Introversion. I'm scared of my own voice- though I've been taught it's a voice that's wrong and insignificant-
I'm scared of it.
Weakness. I can't stand up for myself
Protect myself from this awful hell.
I can't be good enough.
Never good enough.

I'd hate to think you're the reason for his perfect smile. If you keep going on like this, I can't help but cry. He was so perfect- please don't ruin him. If you let this all go, we could just pretend. Oh, my dear, you used to be my best friend. Now you just like use my sweet friend. The poor guy, taken in by overly-made up eyes. You're obvious. But so delirious, if you think I've given up, just because you think you've won. You are terribly wrong- we'll just blame your low IQ. I'd hate to be anything like you.

I just can't look at you, without seeing all the things you put me through. That's just not what good friends do. You know I'm just too good for you.

You don't get to see me cry. I'm doing my best not to be betrayed by telltale eyes. Don't try to make me feel bad for my feelings. I'm not the one involved in deceitful dealings. I trusted you with my secrets, should've known you'd never keep them. Oh, lost *****. You won't hear from me much more. Everyone is taking my side, and I'll watch all your shallow friendships die. I hope they were worth seeing me cry. So kiss your reputation goodbye as you kiss him. Enjoy it, I won't see it happen again.

When you feel bad, I'll be ever so glad. Cuz, oh, you don't deserve to make me this sad. Any normal person'd feel like dirt. But you love seeing others hurt. Enjoy your victory. I'll cover up I'm so unhappy.

I just can't look at you, without seeing all the things you put me through. That's just not what good friends do. You know he's just too good for you. I know he'll figure that out soon.

Don't try and make them pick sides- cuz they already picked me. You're alone, dear, don't you see? You are your very worst enemy.

You really aren't understanding me at all.
So let's pretend it was my leg that was broken instead of my head and my heart.
I've crafted a metaphor-
In hopes you'll understand me better.

I broke my leg and it's quite terrible.
But you still expect me to walk, even though I'm unable.
What is wrong with me?!
I should be able to walk, to run, to not be so helpless and needy.
Even toddlers can walk so why can't I?!
It's easy, you think I just need to try.
I am trying-
But you think I'm lying.
I'm walking on the leg that hurts so much,
To try to please you.
Doing permanent damage and still failing.
Every now and again completely falling to the ground flailing.
Oh not this again!
Get up!
Stop faking!
You're fine!
Walking is easy!!
It needs time to heal, it needs care and time.
I'm acting so overdramatic- it's really a crime.
I'm a disappointment.
I should be better than this.
I should be able to walk-
But my leg is broken and trying to walk on it is just making it worse.

Having the same old conversations but adding nothing new. You've had enough of me and I'm ******* done with you. We just fight and you cry and I feel like the bad guy- then we start again. I don't even remember when we were friends.

You get so off track and I try to pull you back. But then you act all sad, and it makes me feel bad. Settle down, why can't you just calm down? What can I do to make you come around? You're spiraling out of control. You're not making any sense, you know. If I'm more a hindrance than a help I'll have to let you go. On your own.

I'm gonna punch you in the face if you won't shut up. Dude, I've had enough. Yeah you know we've been having the same old conversations and adding nothing new. You're getting fed up with me and I'm so **** tired of you.

Say it again, I know you'll say it again. You'll tell me you love me, you think maybe this time it will mean something. But you're way off, you're so illusioned and scoff- when I tell you your empty declarations don't mean a thing- to me.

You're so extreme, you're just a male drama queen. You drink and drive to risk your life, then brush me off and tell me you're fine. You're a danger to yourself and everyone around you. I don't know how to react when you're in these moods. Shut up. Just let me think. I don't know if I can pull you back, when you're reaching for the brink. I can't stop you if you're determined to sink. There's only so much I can do, before I'll be forced to give up on you. I'm trying so **** hard to save you but you're making it impossible. I can't fix you on my own, you give me no help at all.

So there's this thing.
There's this hell of a thing that's been bothering me.
And as I write this out I don't know whether when (if) you read it,
It will make you sad and distant or you'll just grab my hand and call me silly.

You keep telling me you'll love me "forever and always" but just now you admitted you might not.
You've validated my fear that you may someday find someone more beautiful, less crazy, more hot.
And he or she might be all of the wonderful things that you deserve that I am not.

What if we break up again and you don't take me back?
What if you find someone who has all the things I lack?
What if one day you realize you don't love me anymore?
You're already sometimes unsure.

I feel stupid for being so certain about us when you can't be.
I get so scared that one day you won't want me.

Well even if you aren't sure of how you'll feel in ten years, I am.
Even when it's hell being with you, God knows it will always beat not having you.
I just hope you figure it out.
I wish you could say you want me forever starting right now.

You count the days.
For pride, for shame.
Since you last ran that sharp edge across your skin,
In abandonment of everything.
Each time you stop you promise you'll never do it again.
Ten days, well that's something.

It's obviously eating you inside.
I want you to be able to say you stopped with pride.
Two weeks since the last time.
You're addicted to slicing yourself and that's the crime-
Hurting someone so lovely.
She doesn't deserve it, trust me.

One month since you last cut into yourself.
Tell me, does the counting help?

Fifty days since you dug into your skin.
Then you're back to zero once again.

The sadistic little cherub.
Inflicting painful love.
He isn't sensible, he isn't kind.
He doesn't care- for heart or mind.
He flies on fluffy angelic wings.
And golden arrows he absently flings.
He hits his target every time.
To make a sane man's pain sublime.
Into the hearts of unsuspecting victims.
He pierces and then watches
them.
Falling in with reckless loves.
Fools and martyrs they become.
And all for a baby angel's fun.

Ever since I first nervously stuttered out "I think I love you" to you in my car almost a year ago it's been easier for me.
I never said that to anyone,
the man before you never heard it.
I wouldn't even say it to my own family.
But I felt safe saying it to you
I love you I love you I love you too

It just rolled of my tongue.
You're such a dork- I love you
I told you all the time so you'd never forget-
You can be pretty forgetful.
I told you I did when I was sad and you just held me and let me cry.
I told you when I saw it in your eyes,
I said it when you made me laugh and smile,
When you were hurting and just needed to feel love for awhile.
I'd whisper it to you like a secret,
Or yell it so all the world could hear it.

I reminded you every night before you fell asleep,
Or whenever I had to leave.
I said it seriously, a promise.
You'll always have a place in my heart, never forget this.

I smiled whenever you said it.
But then you said you just didn't.
And now I'm afraid that I'll say it again, let it slip.
Every time I say "Goodbye," I start to finish it with "love you.", but that's not my place.
You don't want to hear that, I'll try harder next time to not let those damning words escape.

It may seem odd but the darkness makes me smile, and when one day it consumes me- maybe I'll be happy awhile. If the pain would stop I could stop shuffling along- miserably. Waiting for my past to come and take me. The future is even more dreary. Just thinking of going on makes me much too weary.

There's a first time for everything.
First love-
First kiss,
First real relationship.
First time I knew you were looking right through me.
First time I doubted you,
First time I questioned the motives for the things you do.
First moment I suspected you didn't love me.
(First time you proved that theory)
First time I knew you thought I was inferior to thee.
First time you yelled at me.
First time you touched me and it wasn't lovingly.
First time you pulled away from a kiss and then wouldn't look me in the eyes.
First time I knew some of what you said would still be just lies.
First time I could see myself building a life with another person.
First time I loved freely without needing permission.
First time I thought you were different.
First time I realized you were just like the rest of them.
Remember the first time you got so afraid I was going to leave?
First time you made me cry, first of oh so many.
First time you hugged me.
First time you spoke without love or sincerity.
First time you said you missed me.
Our first, and our last, anniversary.
First time I prayed for a cardiectamy.
First time you told me I wasn't special or smart.
First time someone ever broke my heart.

Oh dear brother, please don't lecture me. With the best intentions, but you're so naïve. You don't know, how far you are from the truth. I bet you believe, every lie she told you. I'm not your enemy, I'm not the bad guy here. So please out of respect, won't you lend me your ear? What reason could you have to not trust, these words I say? I'm sure her lies got in the way.

Oh dear brother, please don't lecture me. With your best intentions, but you're so naïve.  I bet you believe, every lie she fed you. I'm not your enemy, I'm not the villain here. So please out of respect, won't you lend me your ear? What reason could you have to not trust, these words I say? I'm sure her lies got in the way. Well listen up and hear the truth in my voice. You and I have just been her pawns without a choice. Happiness is just the path we yearned for. I'm not playing her game anymore- cuz I
Want my own life. I'll live it just fine, on my own. And this will be the best example I've ever known, of too much control.

I can't take this.
There's no point to my existence.
Useless.

Did you think I was kidding when I said I wanted to die?
And you thought it was due to some silly guy.
No. It's more than that.
No matter what I do I just drive everyone away and make them mad.
So I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment and thorn in your side.
I'm sorry for all the times I let you down and when I lied.

I'm sorry if you're sad when I'm gone but trust me, soon you'll be relieved.

So I jump on a plane! at seven o eight. And I try to make sense of actin insane. I don't know what you've done to me, but it just feels right. Baby I'll be yours, by the end of the night.  And I'm followin you! half across the world just to tell you I'll be your favorite girl! if you'll just take my hand. You could be my only man. Baby please take this chance- for me to follow you. To the ends of this earth! But please don't let me find you, staying with her.  Don't let it be true! What else can I do? So I'm comin to tell you, that Baby I Love You Too!

I sit here and remember the good times. All our laughs and smiles. Your sweet face, fills this place. And suddenly, I'm not so alone.

Forever and always, you stood there and you swore to me. It was not a lie, oh I believe you baby. What I've heard of you, well that just can't be true! God I'm done if that's your will. It would be just so crazy, to think you'd treat me that way. Or am I crazy for believing you still?

But I-I've been, fallin in love, while you were fallin for her. And I can feel you slipping, right through my fingers and into the arms of another girl.

So I'm on the plane tonight at eight. Trying to convince myself, everything's okay. And that you'll be waiting, waitin at the gate. Waitin alone. Just, to see my face! I want to be, your only girl! Baby come back with me, don't bother with her!

Few minutes too late! is the way it always goes. Baby, what are you doing? Thought I was the one you chose! First! So then why are you with her?!

So I'm on the plane at ten fifty-eight. Trying to convince myself, everything's okay. And I can't expect you to wait, wait faithfully for me. All I wanted was to be, your only girl! Baby come back to me, don't bother with her!

I know beggars can't be choosers and lovers can't be liars. I raced back to you, defying the miles. But I got a great surprise, to see the detachment in your eyes. I cannot bear to see her there, where I once stood. And I would take it all back, if only I could. I miss you more than you could ever know, and I think of you showing off to impress me whenever I see the snow. Cuz that when I started to know, where this thing could go. But now there's no hope. So I'm letting you go.

She said she wanted to be treated like a goddess-
So I praised her mind, her humor, her beauty.
Yet she wasn't happy.

I offered her my love, my time, gifts, and acceptance
But she was unimpressed by it.  

Head bent I worshipped her body
And she wanted more.
I wished to give her everything-
I was so devoted to her.

I tried to write what she meant to me- explain how I'd be lost without her.
Still my words didn't seem to matter.

She wanted to be treated like a goddess.
She wanted sacrifice and pain.
So she ripped out my heart
And spat out my name.

Today was my birthday.
So why am I not feeling okay?
I'm legally an adult today and that's exciting right?
I'll be able to tell once I stop crying.

Today celebrates me being alive, I shouldn't wish to be dead.
Maybe it's because it didn't feel special.
A few half-hearted "happy birthday"s and that's all.
Or maybe it's because I'm off my meds.

Dark souls.
Eyes half closed-
A melody from the river.
Whispered softly,
The tune comes to me,
And I shiver.

The doves asleep tonight,
The devil owns this night.
Sing this song for the trodden.
For we refuse to be forgotten.

He wrote about a girl who was perfect.
With the whitest smile and flowing brown hair,
Eyes like diamonds she looked lovely no matter what she'd wear.
Everything went her way-
she didn't know what it was to have a bad day.

When I read that I knew I wasn't perfect,
More broken than he thought.
When I struggled to hold back the tears in my eyes
he just smiled and continued to talk.
He knew I was broken.
He'd have known if I never told him.
He once looked me in the eyes and told me he knew I wasn't joking-
when I said I couldn't stand the pain.
So how couldn't he see?
When he was standing right in front of me?
I told him I was an ugly crier.
He told me I was a liar.
So beautiful, so oblivious, so mild.
When my life was falling apart he was the only one who could make me smile.

There's this girl I see a lot.
We don't talk much, maybe just a few remarks occasionally.

I'm ******* her.
I don't give her any credit.
Why should I when no one else is going to?
God but she's a wreck.
Sure she can paint on all the expensive makeup and bright smiles she wants but I know.

I see her.  
That pretty white smile beneath her plump pink lips- fake.
The ***** cries herself to sleep most nights.
So weak.

Half the time I see her she's trying to fix herself and the other half she's crying because she can't.
What a mess.
I should just reach through the glass and end her.

Today a friend asked how I was.
I said I don't know,
Because I don't.
When I can't take any more,
I shut it all down.
Emotions good or bad in me cannot be found.
When I can't take it anymore,
I don't.
So I don't know how I am.
I was probably bad if I chose to do this again.
Maybe things have been better recently,
I can't risk it though.

It hurt so much when you said I should hate you.
Cuz that's the problem, I still care so much about you.
You're an idiot, you're selfish,
You say I'm stupid but you're the one who's foolish.
You said you were terrified-
That things would change, that you'd hurt me.
Well now you can't look me in the eyes,
Ever since you said we weren't something that's lasting.
I asked what I did, what made you so unhappy?
You used the old cliché "Babe, it's not you, it's surely just me."

Her peers would've pronounced her
"Fat, stupid, ugly.
Useless, annoying, crazy."
Her parents would claim she was
"Immature, lazy, and meek.
Troubled, moping, and weak."
Her ex would say she seemed
"Desperate, lonely, and sad." He'd say that since he dumped her she'd gone half mad.
Her friends may've told you she was
"Broken, scared, depressed-" well I think you could guess at the rest.
Her therapist said she wasn't doing very well.
Then the doctors sighed there was no more they could do to help.
Her angel said she came too soon to his loving arms, but know that now she is safe far from all harm.

Why hold on?
If what little we had- is already gone?
I was told to make a list, of all of your rights and wrongs.
If you came out ahead,
We should work for what we have.
If you were still in the red,
Then our relationship was dead.
But you came out precisely even,
And I'm unsure of that meaning.
So I don't know,
Where our love is meant to go.
But I do know you want a fresh start,
And I don't know if it matters to you anymore that you leaving would break my fragile heart.
If you're just waiting for this to end please just tell me now,
And spare me the extra pain of holding on to someone who is already gone.
But just know I'd do anything to make us work,
I really don't care about your insecurities and all your little quirks.

I love you.
But not in the way it's been rumored that the both of us tend to do.
I love you because you're always there for me.
I love you because when I crash and burn you tell me it'll work out perfectly, just wait and see.
I love you the way I loved my sister before she went away.
I love you the way I would've loved my mother if she'd cared for me in any way.
I don't love you the way I was cruelly fated to love he who hurt you.
I love you the way children do;
Innocently,
Because you're the only one who truly understands me.
When I'm crying,
When I feel like dying,
You tell me I'm strong enough and that I deserve to be happy,
And that you love me.

Despite what you think you're a pretty smart guy
But you're so dumb sometimes.
Why is it you see yourself in such a negative light?
Don't you know I love you?
Shouldn't the depth of my devotion be enough proof-
That you're nothing less than totally devine?
Silly self-reproaching boy, I'll be sure you never feel imperfect so long as you're mine.
I'll make you love you,
Like I do.

I hear couples say "No I love you more"
Back and forth
Like its the cutest thing,
But it's so heartbreaking.

I love you enough to let you treat me poorly because you don't love me more.
Acknowledging that some has to "love you more" means that person loses.
Because you'll give what you will but they're all in on this.
"I love you more" means the same as
"You love me less"
Isn't that horrible?

You show me no sympathy,
But still you love me.
In your way you do-
Not the same as I love you.

I'd give you anything.
I love you more-
So you can hurt me.
Maybe I want more from you.

I stay up all night to hold you because you shake from the nightmares in your sleep.
But you look bored when I'm sitting here crying.
"I love you more" isn't romantic- it's a tragedy.

You don't look at me the way I look at you.
Your eyes say "affection"
And mine say "I'm devoted to you".
Love always seems to hurt more for one person.

I don't miss you.
I miss being held really tight.
I don't miss you,
I miss having someone to sleep beside at night.

I don't miss you,
I miss being kissed sweetly.
I miss hearing someone say they love me.
I miss laughing together,
I miss arguing about who was funnier.
I miss being myself with someone else,
I miss having someone who knew me so well.
But I don't miss you.

I don't miss being ignored,
I don't miss wondering if I was truly yours,
I don't miss finding naked pictures of other girls,
I don't miss you acting so bored.
I don't miss your hurtful words,
I don't miss the broken oaths you swore.
I don't miss you.

I miss your deep blue eyes though,
They were so calming.
I miss you giving me the fluffier pillow,
A small gesture, but it wasn't wasted on me.
I miss your kisses on my forehead and nose.
I miss your laugh, your smile,
I cherished those.
I missed you singing to me,
Such a terrible voice- I found it so comforting.
I miss the hands that held mine,
I miss how our bodies intertwined,
I miss seeing the love in your eyes.
Maybe I do…

No. I can't miss you.
You don't miss me.
Being hung up on you would make me vulnerable, weak.
Something I can't allow myself to be.
That's how boys like you hurt girls like me.
I don't miss you, really
I miss who I thought you were,
not who you turned out to be.

You hurt me,
I forgave you.

I was forced to go,
You took me back.

You weren't very faithful,
I forgot it.

I cried because you broke my heart,
And seeing that broke yours.

You left and treated me like ****,
I took you back because we both don't like being alone.

I had moved on,
Because you told me to.

You showered me with love and affection,
I hoped this time it wouldn't be temporary.

I was cautious at first,
You got me not to be.

You said this time would be different (you always did),
I believed you (I always do).

You treated me like I was unimportant,
That was okay, I'm used to it.

I gave you everything I had,
You were happy to take it.

You used me,
I accepted it because you made the bad thoughts go away.

I put myself through hell to make you happy,
You said I was being clingy.

You were hurting inside,
So I comforted you.

I needed a hug,
You needed your space.

You became distant,
I felt alone.

Every fraction of my life fell apart,
And you jumped ship like a coward.

You were cold and uncaring,
I cried myself to sleep.

I was going to surprise you for our one year anniversary,
You beat me to it by abandoning me.

Dear child don't cry, don't waste your tears on me. It was enough to have your love, I can do without your sympathy. Just live on, and learn from my memory. I wanted better things for you- dreams you could go out and do. Just do this last thing for me, just promise you'll be happy.

They said I can't save the world but I don't need to, it would be enough just to protect you. I tried and I tried, but it was all in vain. I spared you some, but not all, of my pain.

Dear child don't cry, don't waste your tears on me. It was enough to have your love, I can go without your sympathy. Just live on, and learn from my misery. I had hoped for a better life for you- that maybe you could make it through, somehow. I fear it's getting too late now. No matter what, my angel, just make this promise unto me, that you will be happy. Don't go through it sad like I did, don't ever be afraid to be a kid. For it's a privilege- I never got. In spite of how you're raised, in spite of all the pain. Remember, no matter what, I love you, my sweet child.

Even though I chose to leave you all alone, know I will find solace in a new home. And that I'm so sorry- for ever leaving. I was only doing what was best for me, but I won't forget you, no matter where I am I could never stop missing my precious baby. If there were an easy way to see you I'd do it, if I could hold you in my arms we'd get through this. But I don't think that's possible anymore. In your sweet heart all my love will pour. Depression hurts but this hurts more.

They said I couldn't save the world but I didn't need to, it would've been enough just to save you. I wish I could have. I beg you not to resent me, I'll have my thoughts for all eternity-to make me feel bad, to keep me company. I wish I couldn't given you a better goodbye, I know it's not very nice but I guess when you hear this it will just have to suffice. Someday, maybe many years from today, we may get to be together again and I will say:

I couldn't save the world, and I left unable to save you. I regret any times you missed me, I hope I never lost your love or needed too much sympathy. I'm so very sorry- for ever leaving. I did what was best for me; I wasn't being selfish, I was just surviving. It was something I felt I had to do. Know I missed you every moment of every day. Now I hope you'll let me hold you once again, come what may. And I hope you never forgot too, that I'll always love you.

Maybe the pain on the outside is easier to deal with,
Because we know how to fix it.
Cold water for a burn and an ice pack for a bruise,
A bandage for a cut and kisses for little boo-boos,
Cough medicine for a cold and casts for broken bones.
Insides are harder though-
What's the cure for feeling alone?
Maybe I hurt my outsides because I know I can fix those.
But when it comes to all the awful things I feel inside, I've no clue.
And I can tell neither do you.
You think I'm mad because I make slits in my skin.
Well at least I know how to heal them.

You know, it's kind of *******.
The people who say "Just talk to me when it's bad and you want to end it"
That those are the last people you'd want to tell.
You love them and you don't want them to worry.
Why should they too feel my hell?
They needn't be upset anymore by me.
You know they'd help because they love you.
But you don't ever want them sad and concerned just because you can't deal with things since you love them too.
I guess that's irony.

It's one in the morning.
And I am not sleeping.
While everyone else is cozy and dreaming-
I am tossing and turning.
Fuming and yearning.
For your touch,
For your taste,
To hold your hand,
Look at your face.
I should go to bed,
I should get you out of my head.
But I can't.
Because it's 1:30,
And you still haven't spoken to me,
Not in weeks.
Just to be clear,
I want this to be the last thing I ever write about the first man I held so dear.
I want to not think about you anymore,
I'll move on with my life and you'll move on with yours.

I woke up this morning thinking I was okay.
But then I remembered and now once again there are tears streaking my face.

I've told you a million times I believe in your dreams-
But not in the ones that haunt you in your sleep.
Those silly premonitions you truly believe,
I swear will be the death of me.
You awoke inside me a glowing flame,
And then for my strong feelings you put me to shame.
You broke my heart over a misunderstanding.
And it leaves me wondering-
Did you ever really care for me?

I know you're right here in my arms-
Yet I feel you slipping away.
We fight again but this time
You don't try to make me stay.

You told me to leave,
Leave, leave you.
As if you thought I ever could.
You want me to go, go on without you,
Like you really thought I would.
And what hurts the most is that you didn't try to deny it when I said,
You'd let me go so easily?
Be gone and to you be dead.
And you didn't seem to care when I told you how badly, you'd hurt me.
And you didn't try to say sorry.
Guess you don't need me-
Won't stop me from leaving.
You seem to be done,
And to think, I love you like I've never loved anyone.

I know I'm needy,
But I just wanted you to need me.
I feel like we've fallen apart,
And I'm losing the other half of my heart.

You say the world is flooded and you can't breathe.
And you lost your oxygen tank so now you're drowning.
Well that's okay, just hold onto me.
I'll pull your head up above the sea.
I'll introduce you to the breeze.
I'll teach you how to swim.
And most important,
I'll help you breathe without him.

You kissed my forehead,
Imprinting the feel of your lips onto my brain.
You kissed my stomach,
And gave it butterflies.
You kissed my lips,
With yours ever full of lies.
You kissed the lids of my eyes,
And I saw our future together.
You kissed my neck,
And I craved you.
You kissed my hand,
Though you usually held it.
Last time you did this you kissed me goodbye,
This time you didn't even smile.
That's how I knew you meant it,
And that this time it was permanent.

Within a month you told me "Baby I love you so". You were the first boy who ever told me that, this you know. And this won't be the first time, and before I waste another line, I've got to tell you no. And you know why, cuz you're insane and clingy and I'm a waste of your time. Time to be disillusioned darling, cuz you're way too needy!-And I'm pleading- let me go.

So this is how I'm telling you to move on. I wrote you another ****** song. And I know, that it was really ******, so cold and mean of me, to say it to you this way. But I won't regret a single word I say. So move on. Trust me you'll feel better when I'm gone.

You think I'm so sweet, your perfect sugarplum. Well babe how can that be true when all I do is make you glum? You want to hold me tight but you make me want to punch you every single night. Oh thank God, you'll never be mine.

So this is how I'm telling you to move on with your life. I wrote you a ****** song so you'd listen up this time. And I know, that it was so **** ******, so cold of me, to put it to you this way. But I won't regret a single thing I've said today. Just move on. Trust me you'll feel better when I'm gone.

So take a word of advice, I won't sugarcoat it or say it nice. You really gonna make tell you twice? To move on!

You don't love me, don't be absurd. You think you're the only one who was ever hurt? You're so selfish, so ******* demanding. You asked too much of me so I'm telling you I'm done. Forever! I wipe my hands of you as friend or as lover. To tell you the truth, I never wanted either.

And now I'm telling you, to move, the ****, on. Yeah all I did was write you a really ****** song.
And I know, that it was really ******, so cold and mean of me, to tell you in this way. But you're annoying as hell, dumb and whiney as well. You think I'm nice, but just hear my last advice: leave me alone. Bye-bye, you'll be better once you move on. Yeah leave me alone.

I've been staring at you all day, my lonely little scar;
The first I ever made on myself,
And the deepest by far.
I made you two nights ago with tears running down my eyes.
I made you when I didn't care whether I was dead or alive.
Lonely awful cut on my thigh;
Now you've collected some friends and you add up to five.
You're my secret.
If anyone ever sees you I'll be on suicide watch, again.
I made you because I'm weak,
And I am too afraid of my own voice to even speak-
In my defense.
And I cannot alone bear all my inner demons.
I guess that's why I cut you out some friends.
See, my parents say I'm normal-
Like they don't know I'm crazy.
My old boyfriend said I'd be okay-
But he was one of the main ones to hurt me.
**** it all, I just want to be happy.
Momma says I'm lazy,
And daddy's not so worried about me,
Cuz they don't know the half of it.
I am ever just trying so hard to please them.
Why would I tell them they've got such a ****** up kid?
I watched my blood trickle down like rain,
And it took my mind off the pain.
I made my outsides match my insides.
Little slice in my skin, why do you think I made you somewhere I could hide?
Would it help anyone at all if I admit I'm not better?
Is it still a cry for help if it's just a whisper?
Or if I don't tell anyone?
They can't ever know what I've done.
So I'll write it in a poem,
So I'll never need to tell them.
And I promise it'll be one of the worst things I've ever written,
Cuz for once I don't feel this in words, just raw emotion.
Lonely little scar,
No one can know but I'm falling apart.

You said this was the end forever.
You promised me this would be better.
You swore you wouldn't become a stranger.
Before you left you kissed me twice and the second time you lingered.

But in all the days since,
I've not gotten a single look, a word, a kiss.
You've replaced me with an empty distance.
I wish you would've said yes when I asked if I'd be missed.

You held me to make the panic attacks go away.
You sat down beside me when I begged for a few more minutes you'd stay.
You said leaving me wasn't easy-
But now I'm dead to you today.

You said this wasn't the end.
That even though you were leaving you'd be back again.
That even if I wasn't yours I could still be your best friend.
I should've known your words were just pretend.

Melancholy lullabies.
New expression in your eyes.
Sad and lonely,
Soft and lovely-
Somehow at the same time.

Comforting as acid rain,
You can see me feel your pain.
Hush now love, put those away.
Find your strength it's here to stay.

Melancholy lullabies.
Now you cut off all your ties.
Skipping meals like they were stones.
Hearing madness in your tone.

Finding hope in new-found ways.
Smiling while you feel the pain.
Words so soft you cannot hear.
Chin up darling, I am here.

I dreamt of monsters with eyes like two open wounds.
They had long bone-white claws meant for wreaking havoc and doom.
They came in hoards-
Creeping right toward my door.
But I did not fear them.
Because as I turned I knew I was a beast far worse than any of my demons.

I didn't just want you for your perfect body. Your sweet light eyes are just as lovely. And your laugh is so adorable. And if you thought your looks were all I had loved- well that'd be horrible. I love the way you smell, I love the way you hold me when you know I'm not doing well. You don't ask questions, just tell me it will be okay. I hope you know that makes my day.

The word is tainted. A word that means love, for someone there to defend. It's an honor from above. Yet for you it's a weapon. For your defense, not mine. So you can smile for the public and stab me from behind. Meaning eternal love and tenderness. Not meant for such hatred and excuses. I am a tool for your use, and its too easy for you to cover up your abuse. I hear you were supposed to nourish, not see how secretly you could watch me perish. You should've shown me support, but you preferred to break my heart-
So mother dear please listen. I'll take up some of your time for myself and then. You'll maybe understand-why this is happenin. Don't make yourself the victim, for we both know that is not who you really are. You've been the center of attention. But this time I won't let you go that far


Did you ever love me?-Didn't think so.
Society would say I'm just being dramatic, and it's absolutely horrific, for me to talk like this. Well for once, yes just this once I'd like an opinion. I would like all to see how you've really been. Disillusionment's a *****.

I know your scars are gone, but you can see them still. No matter what I do, I'm sure you always will. But I'll still hold your hand, and tell you I'm right here. I'll never leave, I won't desert you dear. If you hold me close, I won't ask for more. I'll stay by your side, for rich or for poor.

I promise I'll be here to tell you you're beautiful when you wanna see yourself bleed. Because I love you so much, you're all I'll ever need. I've always seen past the lies, I can see the sadness in your sweet grey eyes. And that face you make when you're in pain, as though to say "Its alright, I'm just not okay". Well I'm here now, so you can rest easy. I swear you'll never be caused any pain by me. You say the past is in the past but I can tell you still feel it deep down within. Well now I'm here to make sure it won't bother you again.

You asked why I think you're so great. Because you're sweet and you're funny and you make me feel like it'll be okay. You say that's nothing, and you only treat me the way I deserve. Well I just want you to know, I'm so happy to be yours.

I always heard your first kiss is magical and it'll take your breath away. Mine was confusing because your lips were there and I hadn't had time to process, I was just thinking "what did he say?"
I'm sorry I was so shocked by what was happening I pulled away. I had no idea what was going on, and it actually didn't last very long. The truth is, it was awkward as hell. But it was you, so in a way it was magical as well. I want you to know I'm glad my first kiss was you, maybe we'll get it right on kiss number two.

You stand me up, you let me down.
So you and her, can **** around.
You know I love you but that's not what this is about.
I just want her out.

She's a *****, oh she's controlling.
And when she's around you are so rude to me.
Oh best friend, stop this nonsense please.
You are acting, like such a baby.

You think you two are meant to be,
Just cuz you were both cheated on-
Oh please!
Why don't you see?
She's no good for you,
Take it from me.
She will break your heart, when she leaves.
Your second-rate lover.
Oh silly boy, you couldn't love her.

She is stupid, and you're naive.
To think that girl could make you happy.
I know you,
You know me too.
You tell me you're fine but is that the truth?

I can't watch this,
I won't allow it.
You're being stupid.
Oh this is *******.

You and I,
We always fight,
But not like that-
It isn't right
How she hurts you.
She is so cruel.

She thinks I'm jealous,
When I see you two kiss.
When all I'm thinkin is "What a *****"
You don't deserve to be hurt like this.

You stay home so she can yell.
I'm at a party with our friends when she tells you 'go to hell'.
Oh well, well.
These are more than just lovers' quarrels,
What do you see in that girl?
I hate her.
I hate her.
Oh.

When this is over, I'll still be your friend.
I'll put you back together (again).

Christianity:
Love everybody, no matter what;
If they're homosexual or even a ****,
It doesn't matter what life they lead.
Help your fellow man if he's in need,
You really needn't add to your growing greed.
Jesus said the most important thing in the world is love,
And that we should be kind to others even if they're not kind to us.
We've all sinned and we're all equal in God's eyes,
So mistakes of someone's past are no excuse for us to despise.
We know we are all children of The Lord,
So we should love every last person in this world.

Bigotry**:
If they're different, they're evil.
If it scares me, it's from the devil.
If I feel uncomfortable about something done by my fellow men,
Then surely it must be a sin.
Always judge, always be intolerant.
I think I'm moral, but I'm just ignorant.

I hate you.
Almost as much as I love you.
I've been fantasizing about stabbing you in the legs the way I used to fantasize about kissing your face.
I thought that I had one person I could always count on,
I just knew you'd never betray me.
Guess I was wrong.

You broke my heart,
I want to break your spine.
You make the worst ex ever, and now you're mine.

I want to hurt you the way you hurt me.
I want to stuff glass into your arteries.
I want you to stop saying you're sorry.
I want you to invent a time machine,
So this'll never've happened.
So neither of us will've learned this lesson.

"Darling you're the world to me"
"My love, you make me so happy"
What an idiot I was to believe these things.
Now you've got me writing slam poetry
Because I figure it's better than murdering you-
And that little ***** you ****** too.

You were drunk!
You felt alone,
You were confused,
And guess who was right there to comfort you?
That's no excuse.
I sure hope going down on someone new,
Was worth throwing that rare and beautiful thing we had away.
I never knew someone could hurt me this way.
Oh and by the way, I hate you.

Dear Lord please,
I know I haven't been the most devout lately-
But I still do pray, to beg aid of Thee.
My pastor said You promise to never give us more than we can handle,
But this is too much.
I want some bit of relief, just a little touch.
My old favorite teacher can't stand me and its reflecting in my grades.
I thought this year would be easier- that's what I'd heard people say,
That was the general rule.
But this year is killing me.
My grades are slipping,
Mind deteriorating,
Sanity drifting...
Lord please help me with school.

My parents are yelling all the time,
At me or each other.
They accuse me of every crime-
Innocent or guilty, they don't care.
So long as I don't cause problems, do everything perfectly, and be sure to maintain my hair.
I begin to wonder if I'd be better off with my estranged narcissistic mother...
My friends hate me.
I'm not exaggerating, just stating facts simply.
They spread rumors and snicker behind my back,
About the apparent virtues and wisdom I lack.
They tell lies, make assumptions, and bully me to tears.
I feel a piece of me die every time I choose to ignore their sneers.
I don't have nice friends, I don't loving family.
Lord, please help people not to hate me.

Then there's this last thing, this weigh on my mind.
The knowledge of this burden, is only a friend's and mine.
I cannot tell my family or jeering friends,
Or even my sweet beloved boyfriend.
I don't know what to do-
Please don't let my fears come true.
The stress, the hatred, the failure, the depression- its killing me.
Lord, please preserve me and save me from suffocating.
So this is me, begging for undeserved salvation again.
Amen.