Dear, won’t you hold me,
and never let me go,
Tell me that I’m yours,
Whisper sweetness in my ear.
I’ll wrap my arms around you,
Hold you where you belong,
My lips will brush yours,
Painting a picture of our love.
Lie with me my darling,
Our limbs become tangled -
No, not tangled... entwined!
Tied together like an infinity knot.
I am crying out for help,
I simply cannot take this pain,
I would rather a hundred needles,
Than this feeling in my veins.
I am scared I will wake paralysed,
I’ll feel more than out of sorts,
I do not think I can shake this,
The only thing racing will be my thoughts.
I am crying
Crying out in pain
This suffering I feel
There is no cure
I am not heard
I am screaming
Begging for help
Yet I am alone
My bones are sore
My mind is at its tether
What can I do?
Maybe I am dying
We all are
A little bit everyday
But this pain
I am dying a little more
What will it be?
What will cause my end?
My body or my mind
Both are weak
I cannot remember
Ever being strong.
All the songs have new meanings,
Not all of them good,
I’m experiencing so many feelings,
I feel the artists emotions,
Inside my heart is screaming,
Listening to music is like picking a scab,
I just hope in time I will be healing,
Right now music is a jumble to me.
Peacock with your feathers so bright,
So blue and beautiful, so full of might,
You stand up tall, proud and bold,
You have so many adventures yet to be told.
Peahen you’re so shy and demure,
Something about you feels unsure,
You don’t know what you want just yet,
You will find out soon, there’s no need to fret.
I thought that we
Would be together forever
My first and last love
All at once
I still feel that way
For our future.
But I am not well
My future is unsure
Whilst yours is clear
I was drowning
Trying to stay afloat
To stay with you.
Now I am treading water
It is easier
Every day it is easier
I have learnt a lot
To do things for myself
Before I can do things for you
I have more optimism
Than ever before
Yet I worry
That maybe yours
Or maybe, I hope
You feel the same.
It was sunny today and I felt good,
It was weird cause I didn’t think that I should.
But the sun gave me hope - it made me feel warm,
What a lovely release from my inner storm.
I want to call you, but I know I cannot,
All these thoughts, all these feelings inside my mind,
I cannot keep this up I’m losing the plot,
I’m searching for distractions but there’s none to find.
This feeling is a relapse,
I keep rethinking the same thoughts,
It would be easier if my body just let itself collapse,
Wishing myself to accept this huge loss.
It’s so very easy to focus on the bad,
To overthink everything that’s making you sad.
My friends say it will be easier and try give me hope,
Right now their words are the only thing helping me cope.
My memories are happy,
For that I feel relief,
I do not know when I will next feel sappy,
For now, I am filled with grief.
You know I am not good with that,
You must know I am in pain,
I was never prepared for this self-combat,
Consciousness is hard to maintain.
I am the one who said goodbye,
But still I feel this sorrow,
My eyes are sore yet still I cry,
Hoping for an easier tomorrow.
Losing you was painful,
But I did it for you, for me, for us,
Life right now may be dull,
But I hope in the future we can meet and discuss.
I wish I had your adventurer spirit,
Then maybe we would not have had our last visit,
I wish that I was not scared,
For then both of our feelings would be spared.
I know I should not wonder ‘what if’,
The thinking pushes me to the edge of the cliff,
But I cannot help but to wish I was not me,
To dream of a reality where I had not pushed you back to sea...
This pandemic tore me from you,
It took away our time,
The days we got were few,
But at least you were mine.
We have been apart for so long now,
But knowing I cannot see you makes it hurt more,
I just want you to know that I will keep my vow,
I will never stop loving you for that I am sure.
I could not be the reason that you restrained yourself,
I had to give you up and focus on my health,
My heart still knows that you belong with me,
It is struggling to accept that you deserve to be free.
Sometimes they come easily,
Other times looking for them is hard,
Not having one makes me feel uneasily,
For my feelings I don’t want to regard.
There are times when they work,
But that ends in me feeling more guilt,
I should be in more pain – I am a ****,
In time maybe my sense of worth will be rebuilt.
I am hedging all my bets on one little saying:
“If you love someone set them free...”
And then hoping the second half will not be betraying:
“They’ll come back if it’s meant to be…”
I live in the future but also the past, constantly caught between the two.
Thinking about the things I wish I could change,
Whilst worrying about what has yet to come…
Are you still my mirror?
Do you feel the same?
In time this might be clearer,
I just hope you still think of my name.
Change can happen slowly,
Or sometimes all at once,
You never see it coming,
Only after it has struck.
Change can be a good thing,
Or sometimes bad,
But it always happens for a reason,
Even if it makes you sad.
Hurting you was the last thing I ever wanted to do,
But I had my reasons like setting you free,
Wanting you to go on to pastures green and new,
So please don’t worry about little old me,
Just know that I will always love you,
And if you don’t understand now, one day you will see,
My feelings for you have always been true,
You are always going to be ‘the one’ to me...
What’s with all the love songs, the movies, and the shows?
Everything about them, are all completely faux.
Are we really meant to believe these people hardly bawl?
That the pain after a breakup can be fixed by one little call?
I know these things are fictional, made to keep us entertained,
But most of the time these acts just cannot be attained.
In reality there’s crying; for days and days on end,
There’s red circles underneath your eyes whilst you debate to hit ‘send’.
It’s not easy to let go when you’re still in love,
But there’s nothing about that, there’s only turtle doves.
Maybe it will get easier but only time will tell,
But until then all of these rom-coms can go to hell.
I wish life were like the movies...
“BEEP” goes my phone but it makes me feel blue,
As I look at the message I know it is not you.
I know that this distance right now is for the best,
Yet still I am craving to speak to you and get a lot off my chest.
I’m sat here crying, wondering about your day,
Thinking about if I should text you saying ‘hey’,
All this thinking is going to drive me insane,
I just wish there was a way to numb the pain.
Missing you is sorrow,
Missing you is love,
Missing you will never ever stop...
I did not know that things would ever be this hard,
That time would turn into my enemy and make me put up a guard.
But now I keep being told that time will be my best friend,
That the pain it has caused me it can also mend.
Replaying events over and over in my head,
I can't break away; I can't even go to bed.
Sleep has become a stranger and I find myself staring into the dark,
But this journey of myself I know that I must embark.
I’m not sure how long it will take me,
And I wonder what I’ll see.
I don’t know if I’ll even get far,
But I know that I must try, to try and heal this scar.
— The End —